90′s Hair Icons: Poison Ivy (1992)

OH YAS. That’s right my dudes. Finally, POISON IVY!!!!! I’ve talked about my love for big, beautiful, 90′s hair before, so it was only a mere matter of time for us to explore that particular adoration even more. Enter the 1992 masterpiece, Poison Ivy. First of all, look at that poster on the left. I’m sorry, but don’t you think I should take a picture like that and put it on a business card? Whose faces would be undulating in my luxurious hair though? John Stamos, Justin Bieber, and Kathy Bates? Emmanuel Lewis, Charlton Heston, and the maid from Will and Grace? Or maybe just me, me, me and a Doritos Locos Taco?! I will NEVER be able to decide.

When Poison Ivy came out, Drew Barrymore was only seventeen. She had released her autobiography, Little Girl Lost, a couple of years prior and was in full-fledged, rebellious teen mode. This was also a few years before she became the iconic, still-rebellious-yet-sassy Saint Drew, which, as I’ve said before, is how we lovingly refer to her here in the barracks of Agent Lover. SIDEBAR: ~~CONGRATULATIONS POP CHAMPAGNE~~ for Drew’s recent wedding and bun in the oven! I still remember an old  interview from the late 90′s/early 00′s where she talked about her boyfriend’s (who was Luke Wilson at the time) brown shoes like they were “camels she’d trek across any desert to follow.” OH DREW U ROMANTICA. She’s always been just a nice girl looking for love. AREN’T WE ALL? SIDEBAR OTRA VEZ: Do you like how I can remember old Drew B. articles word from word but can’t remember the names of people I knew before 2006? MEAN BUT TRUE…

Anyway, we meet Ivy swinging from a rope, all wild hair, reckless, and wonderful. I mean, just peep that airbrushed jacket lookin’ straight from the county fair. INCREDIBLE. Someday I will have to get a painting commissioned of  this exact screencap. Or maybe just an airbrushed jacket of her wearing this airbrushed jacket?!

Alas, for every crazy troublemaker, we need some some sort of balance to her character. A YIN TO HER YANG. Here comes Darlene from Roseanne starring in the best gif I have made this week.

~~ LIVIN’ LIFE SO WILD AND FREE~~~

Finally the two meet in the principal’s office. Darlene/Sara/Sylvie is giving Ivy the up close and personal lurkdown. She notices her SEXY THIGH TATTOO…

Ivy is like “It’s totally faux” and peels it off her milky thigh like a Fruit Roll-Up.

She then weasels her way into a carpool with Sylvie and her dad, played by Picket Fences’ Tom Skerritt.

UGHGHHHHHH

DARLENE I C DAT PINK MANSION BEHIND YOU

Eventually, Ivy charms her way into the Cooper household as well as into Sylvie’s sick mom’s (played by OG Charlie’s Angel, Cheryl Ladd) designer closet.

Better make sure the door is closed before you apply your Abreva, girl. TOM SKURRT IS A-LURKIN’

I bet you guys weren’t aware of my cameo in the movie as an annoyed maid who is sick of these crazy rich people’s hijinks.

OBV I HAVE SEEN IT ALL IN THAT HOUSE. I wish they had given my character a spinoff sequel.

OKAY. ::slams down the phone:: WHOSE LEG IS THIS?!?! First of all that doesn’t look like the Fruit Roll-Up tattoo. IT LOOKS REAL UNDER ALL THAT FUR. And we don’t see Drew going natural in this movie…I feel like for some weird reason they thought it was a good idea to get a close-up of this fly, and ended up filming it an old biker bar. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE IN THE WORLD!!! I am just saying I think this is Drew’s thigh’s stuntman, OK…

You know what I’m going to say here. “I wish this was me tanning.” (BTW I am so annoyed that Birchbox sent me fake tan jelly this month. How ’bout you send me a plane ticket to a tropical locale instead, thanks.)

Here comes Ol’ Boy drinking his O.J., just lurkin’ again like Gargamel.

He comes over to Ivy and ends up knocking her NEW BOOTZ off the balcony like the clumsy ass butterfingers he is. I swear….

“Those cost a hundred and fifty bucks.”

Annnnnnd here is the MOST nerd chills scene of the movie IMHO…

A flirtatious cash money tug-o-war betwixt Drew and Tom Skurrt. WHYYYYYYYY

I HATE IT! I just don’t believe in the attraction here. Even Robe Lowe as that creep Drew Peterson in Lifetime’s UNTOUCHABLE was sexier.

As you can expect, all kinds of shit goes down once Drew manages to seduce Ol’ Boy. Even though she is PSYCHOTICA, I feel like Drew gave a certain VULNERABILITY to the character of Ivy that I think is hard to do with these kinds of roles (I usually get super annoyed at these evil chicks.) Now let’s just drool a little over how hot she is in this movie.

We also can’t forget about Sylvie’s amazing hairdo.

And WHY were there so many gratuitous shots of her infected Yin yang  tattoo? Alright, the symbolism is quite clear, but in between gagging from this and the Tom Skerritt sex scenes, I honestly felt my eyeballs barf one too many times.

FRIENDS 4 EVA

19 comments

1 Sara { 06.13.12 at 2:54 am }

Ugh I love this film!

The infected tattoo always freaked me out.

2 Gaby { 06.13.12 at 3:32 am }

AMAZING!!! It has been SO LONG since I have seen this, definitely time for a rewatch. And my goodness my hair looks exactly like that (but darker) – have always known I grew up in the wrong decade.

Gaby xoxo
http://www.spokesndaggers.blogspot.com

3 Lady Unlaced { 06.13.12 at 8:31 am }

I have never seen this movie but now I really really need to O:

4 Danielle { 06.13.12 at 9:20 am }

I agree, Tom Skerritt is gross. Nobody wants to hit that.
The actual appearance of Rob Lowe’s Drew Peterson was truly delightful, the mention was really funny but scrolling down to see the picture made me laugh out loud for realsies.
And that hairy leg shot is indeed mystifying.
A+++ on another perfect movie post!

5 Josh { 06.13.12 at 9:31 am }

LOL you were totally in that movie!

6 Ashley { 06.13.12 at 9:36 am }

I can’t even begin to describe how much entertainment & enjoyment I got out of this post! Totally sharing this on my Drew fansite’s Facebook page!

7 natasha { 06.13.12 at 9:40 am }

I was just thinking about this film the other day, but i didnt know what it was called! Thanks! Now I can rent it!

dangerdelux.com

8 Mary { 06.13.12 at 9:46 am }

I love this! Esp love the obviously deserved mini freakout over her state fair airbrushed jacket.

9 Groupie Rock N Roll { 06.13.12 at 11:53 am }

Como siempre fantástica! Cuánto nos parecemos! I love this movie! and I think Drew looks better than ever! so sexy so blonde and so early 90′s! I wish could be Drew in Poison Ivy, with her body and ther closet hahah but honestly even liking me old mens…wtf? I hate that guy and the sex scene? makes me sick! Didu know that Drew needed a cople body for that scense? and she was Jaime Pressly a very young Jaime Presly (My name is Earl) Anyway WHAT A MOVIE! *_* AND WHAT A GREAT POST! like always baby! and I have to say, ok, I I have laughed heartily about your cameo! haha oh darlyn ” you are to much for my body” ;)
Congratulation and thanks for join us <3

10 Dinah { 06.13.12 at 1:16 pm }

“Fruit roll-up tattoo” hahaha TOTALLY. That is so NOT her pierna.

But you know Darlene was mad crushin on Drew in real life while they were filming this shit tho.

11 claire { 06.13.12 at 2:46 pm }

I LOVE this post so much!
You need to do these more!
Just amazing!

12 claire { 06.13.12 at 2:48 pm }

What about Mad Love?
God, I loved that film!
p.s. Your blog is AMAZING!!!

13 Emi { 06.13.12 at 3:20 pm }

IT’S ALL TOO MUCH FOR ME.

14 vanessa { 06.13.12 at 4:10 pm }

there is TOO MUCH nostalgia going on in my head burly right now! fruit roll up tat, hair crop circles, hairy stunt leg, and steering wheel marked cleavage. I’ve watched this movie so many times, and it STILL grosses me out that drew went after sally field’s “steel magnolia” husband. hrrrrrrruhhhh!

15 Moxie { 06.14.12 at 4:49 am }

Thank you.
And yeah. The lifetime movie Rob Lowe is less creepier than skurr-it. I never remember the eye in Darlene’s hair. She is so intense in this omg my other lolling moments: the stunt double fly close up, your rad gif and def the Drew 90s fash pics. Love

16 Melissa { 06.19.12 at 5:58 pm }

young/coke drew is so HOT OMG. I love her weird cameo in wayne’s world..i think she is so fly there. TIE DYE CROCHET http://xx-drew-x-blyth-x-barrymore-xx.piczo.com/?g=52647526

17 Andrea { 06.20.12 at 11:34 am }

This is maybe my favorite AL post ever. the bit about you making a cameo as the maid really put it over the edge for me. (slow clap for Marie). Seriously, how do you not have your own show yet??? I’d have my cable turned back on if it meant I got to view your comedic gold nuggets each week. Love you Marie!

18 sonja ahlers { 07.02.12 at 11:44 pm }

MARIE. it’s true. you need your own network. i will follow. this post is OUTSTANDING. i want to do a BOOK REPORT on this post. xoxoxo

19 Marilyn { 02.23.13 at 12:07 am }

I a little older than these chicks however I still had the style going on. I love when rich old geezers fall for hot young things. They really do act like that for real…and are sometimes that unattractive

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