HAY YOU GUYS! I just returned from a mini-vacay to beautiful PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA!!! Emi and I took a Thelma and Louise road trip to the desert and stayed at the SUPER COOL Ace Hotel and Swim Club!

In the lobby we were greeted by music playing on a record player(I peeped an Andrews Sisters vinyl!) and what might be the best photobooth I have seen in my life! The pictures come out in an old-school sepia tone and the machine takes credit cards! MOMMA LIKE

We enjoyed some marinated feta and couscous salad at the hotel’s roadside diner, King’s Highway. I’m wearing one of my adorable new hair bows courtesy of Cutie Dynamite! You’ll be able to see a better picture of it later in this Palm Springs Diaries series. Yes “SERIES” because in between our numerous outfits and obsessive photo taking, I wouldn’t be able to fit it all into one post.

A  for Agent Lover but chu know you can call me AL.

On Monday evenings, the hotel offers SISSY BINGO hosted by Linda Fabulous who belts out dirty Broadway ballads. We saw her perform a song which was something like “Who Do You Have To Fuck In Hollywood?” COCHINA!!!! Betty White better watch her back…

A warning…there are some SERIOUS Bingo players in there, notably older ladies and gents who probably attend on the regular. I was the A-hole who yelled out Bingo too early (SAWRE I HAVE NOT PLAYED SINCE MY YOUTH) and got a few death stares from some of the Bingo elite! Luckily their drinks were amazing and cooled down my red cheeks. My favorite was the ‘Desert Facial’ which is made up of muddled cucumber, mint, and pineapple vodka. Dis lush gives it an A ++.

The Ace also lets you ride their bikes around the town. If you guys remember, I have some sad childhood bike trauma but was stoked on attempting to ride for the first time in twenty years! Sadly I wasn’t as successful as I had hoped. Next time will be better once I have a lowrider and I’m not wearing Pollys!

Stay tuned for more of my Palm Springs Diaries!

OMG SWEET VALLEY IS BACK!!! The other day I asked on Twitter and Facebook if anyone read Sweet Valley High back in the day and many of you expressed your love for goody two-shoes Elizabeth and her cray twin sis Jessica. The series, along with spinoffs such as Sweet Valley Twins and The Unicorn Club was a favorite for those of us who graduated from reading The Babysitters Club and wanted something a little more scandalous for our junior high eyes.

OMG WHO HAS DIS GAME?!

Sweet Valley fever is back in full effect first with Diablo Cody adapting the series into a film and now with the new novel Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later by the lady behind it all, Francine Pascal. The twins are now in their late twenties (LIKE MANY OF US) and in the first chapter there is already some escandalo brewin’ and some Beyonce and Justin Timberlake (delishis) references.

To celebrate, we gonna have a SWEET VALLEY GIVEAWAY! The sexy winner will win..

• The new novel Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later (which you will receive when it comes out March 2011)
• Team Jessica and Team Elizabeth shirts (you’ll gettum right away!)

All you have to do is leave a comment below telling me about your love for Sweet Valley High and the lucky lady (or mang) will be announced this Friday, July 30 Saturday, July 31st. You will have until midnight on Friday to enter! In the meantime you can read the sneak peek first chapter here to get a glimpse into what the twins are up to today!

There are certain mysteries in the world that I ponder from time to time. How were the pyramids built? Where do all my missing bangs combs go? And most importantly, what kind of supernatural force does Target have over us?!?

I call Target “GIRLCRACK.” It earned that nickname because almost every time a person (usually female according to my studies) goes to a Target store, they get into some sort of compulsive haze and end up spending A LOT more than they planned to in the first place. I’m talking about some serious impulse buying, like going in to pick up some tampons and leaving with $80 less in your bank account. WHY IS THAT?!?

I myself am guilty of this crayness. I once went in to buy some 3-ring binders and left with a dress, panties (HOWEVER, PLE TAKE NOTE that Target carries the best black lace boycut panties as confirmed by a multitude of ladyfriends), a bra, various travel toiletries , a pack of disposable cameras, a double dvd of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey (How could I say no to Ted “Theodore” Logan for $5?!), two pairs of tights, nail polish, Hello Kitty car mats and some gum.

STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE BIG RED BULLSEYE.

Even thee Jackie Collins noted this suspicious phenomenon, seen in our Twitter dialogue below.

The last one is my favorite tweet of all time. I think we can take that statement out of context and apply it to EVERYTHING. Just read this over and over every day for the rest of your life…

The wizardry of Target has been a topic of conversation for me since the early 2000′s, starting with a couple of old co-workers of mine. We would heavily sigh at the mass amount of cash flow we spent at the nearby Target during lunch hour but the feelings of regret would quickly fade and turn into a synchronized “I love Target!!” cheer.

The different kinds of stupid yet amazing shit one might find themselves buying at this wonderland

So what could be the reason we are drawn to spending massive amounts of cash during casual Target visits? One person I talked to suggested it could be the lighting. Could the fluorescent glare be emitting some sort of energy that brainwashes us to buy? Perhaps it’s the hypnotizing swirl of the Target logo? Or could it just be the fact that Target is A SUPER-SIZED CONVENIENCE STORE that stocks every single item we will eventually need at some point. Other stores like Costco and CVS have a similar effect. Costco is a place where you can buy a new camera, Harajuku Girls perfume and Apple Gouda Chicken Sausages (true story). CVS is a given because you can buy hair dye, five bottles of nail polish and pick up your birth control at the same time. We can agree that all three of these stores have that same effect of convenience,  but there is something extra special about Target. Not only do they offer that desired easy-peasy convenience, but good quality and STYLE. OH HAAAY! Sorry bout dat, Walmart.

During my extensive research, I found this facebook group for people who suffer from the same Target GIRLCRACK syndrome.

Let’s see what the group members have to say about this epidemic…

What was that, Joanne? CONTROLLING OUR LIFES?? YOU GOT DAT RIGHT SISTA!!

So my friends, do any of you suffer from the same Target affliction? If so, what do you think the reason behind it is? Do you even care or do you just surrender yourself to the Target gods and let them have their way with you (like I do)? Finally, has anyone seen any good Hello Kitty stuff in the dollar bins lately??

There’s a whole lotta Jeffrey Campbell on my lust list lately due to the fact that every kind of shoe I desperately need (want? crave!) right now can be found easily via the enormous JC line. Being a red shoe addict, the ones on the top tier naturally caught my eye first, followed by an assortment of summer wedges in simple black and funky floral patterns. There’s also a cute heart-studded flat which give an everyday work shoe the perfect lil’ extra sumthin’ sumthin’ for Rie-Rie. Lastly to my delight, J-Camps has a few white wedges that are contenders to be my “Cray Nurse Shoe” which is something I have been in search of for well over a year. Jeffrey Campbell you make it HURT SO GOOD!!!

Gettum at Solestruck, Nordstrom, Lori’s & Karmaloop.

Oh HAY DERE! According to some recent Twitter activity on my stream, it seems like a lot of us hit that Gilt sale for Melissa shoes a couple weeks ago INCL yours truly. It was the first time I purchased something off of Gilt as well as my first pair of Melissa shoesies. I had mixed feelings about Melissas shoes for a long time until I realized I kept thinking about those Viv Westwood X Melissa Lady Dragons with the hearts. If you keep thinking about something/ somebody for a year that means you better do something about it, right? GRAB DEM BOOBS AND GO FOR IT! However, they didn’t even have the ones I wanted so I went with this other pair I have been eyeing ever since I saw them on my beloved Elsa Billgren’s blog . Was buying these shoes akin to sleeping with the brother of the guy that you want because he’s not available? HOW WHORRIBLE! Excuse my Monday assholism if you’ve done that and I’m bringing up your life’s regrets. Anyway…here I am beach hausin’ with these Melissas.

As you know, I am an avid fan of knee socks so I thought they’d look perf with the new chancla heels. This is the way I worq that ‘trend.’ I feel like the socks and sandals look is something one has to be very careful with. For instance, if I was wearing short thick socks with these shoes I would look like a FOB piano teacher. On that note, I have a lot of things to say about current trends, in particular the ones that have finally trickled down from my motherland Tokyo but I’ll save that for another post this week.

The reflector heels are the best part of these shoes because I can do a little kick and use it as a mirror to reapply my lipstick. OKAY CONFESH. I scratched the heels while climbing on these beach rocks!!! UGH! I was so bummed until Emi said “It was only a matter of time” and I was like “Ugh she’s right. I can’t help my freestyle walking.”

I’m sure you are all like “OK MARIE, STOP TOOTIN’ AROUND AND SPILL IT. Where do these new chanclitas lay on your Shoe Triangle???” Well, as much as I hoped they’d be at the top, they are deemed DINNER/WORK SHOES. They are easy to walk in but they ripped up my right toe. Not sure why only the right toe was affected but I’m thinking it’s because I am right-handed. WHAT THE? Sidenote, my ladies who have the Melissa x VW Heart Lady Dragons, can you please tell me your experience with them? Where do they lay on the Shoe Triangle for you? Will they abuse my right toe? Will I get bored with them after a while similar to having a longtime crush on someone and finding out they aren’t really the dreamlover I thought they were?

LUVIN EWE,

It’s time for another BRUJA STYLE ICON! This time I screencapped the late 50′s movie Bell, Book and Candle. It stars Kim Novak as a classy bruja living in New York City who falls in love with her (regular human) neighbor played by Jimmy Stewart.

The costume design in the movie naturally won an Academy Award. HALLOW Look at these outfits!!! They were made by Jean Louis who was one of the defining designers of that time in Los Hollywoods.

I know it’s 90 degrees but I need a cloak AND a muff

I also need this hooded all black everything

I’d even poof my bangs like that if you need me too

Love the dashes of yellow

Witches are not supposed to cry!

I made the other Nicki this pineapple hat! Here she is with Shaun

More Shaunie because you can never get enough

Mikkay + Mickay and Marlow Show

I ended up wearing my casachanclas! HAAAAAA!!

Me making a hangover face the next day in my current favorite summer dress. Amazing fruit purse no? Emi made it for me! Can’t wait to bring it to Palm Springs in a couple of weeks!

I LOVE SUMMER!!!

DO NOT FAINT. First of all, I trust none of you would think I’d be foolish enough to do something like this these days but I have to put the warning out JUST IN CASE. I have been joking about wearing these horrors via text to my girlfriends since I went to ROSS at lunch but PLE. I’d rather go barefoot than wear Frankenflops!

GOOD LAWT. HOLD THE PHONE. WAIT ON SECOND THOUGHT CALL 911! His Royal Badness is gliding through life on these Super Chanclas!!! I just can’t with this picture. I think he’s just playing a practical joke on me. Just like when he announced the Internet was over.

ANYWAYS BACK TO ME AGAIN, even though I’m wearing a maxi dress and my feet won’t even be visible since I’m 5’1 and will prob look like a Japanese ghost girl gliding on the floors, I want to know my hooves will look cute while I’m doing the limbo by the jacuzzi and La Bamba’ing or Lambada’ing (WINK) on the beach. First let’s think about what I WISH I could be wearing if I didn’t choose my outfit last minute…

If my name was Cher and I could turn back time, I’d have ordered me a pair of Lucky Lou shoesies. How PERFECT would these be for my Tiki Goth dress!?!

These shoes are inspired by carved wooden wedge sandals called “bakyas” that were popular in the Philippines in the 1950′s-70′s. I think my mom has a pair of pink ones but Lucky Lou took them to a whole new level of life. I definitely want to try a pair of these and see if they are as comfortable as my Pollys (which are known as the most comfortable wooden heel in the world.)

As for this weekend…who knows what chanclas will adorn my tootsies underneath my Aloha Goth dress. I might just get a pair of crip slips and call it a day.

I really like this 80′s sherbet tiger dress from the Zac Posen for Target line. It puts me in a happy mood even though we’ve been stuck in January-esque weather in SoCal. Asshole weather. I’M SO OVER YOU BETCH.

NEJUAY, here I am doing ~funny poses~

Raccoon trying to get fresh with a baguette

Do other fashion bloggers pose like this?

What are you crazies doing this weekend? Today I am trying to book a trip to Palm Springs. I will also try to make a pineapple hat and possibly some sort of Carmen Miranda-inspired headpiece for Nikki’s birthday. Wish me luck. I feel like a chicken with its head cut off today. Lemme leave you with this:

And the French version which I like better.

LUV EWE

Goldie Hawn is one of the MOST SUPREME GODDESSES of all time!! Especially in the movie Overboard . It is about a rich SUPLADA (new Tagalog word I learned from my mom meaning SNOB) who falls off her cruise ship and develops amnesia. A sexy carpenter (played by Goldie’s real life mangs Kurt Russell) who she stiffed earlier by not paying for a badass shoe closet then seeks revenge by making her believe she is his baby momma.

Since Goldie’s character aka Joanna Stayton spends most of the movie believing she is the average Annie, the glam outfits are few and far between, but even though they are minimal they leave a lasting impression on my fashion boner.

I don’t care if embellished shoulders came and went in two twists of a smurf’s nipple…they will forever put a sparkle in my eye when I watch Overboard.

If certain ~popstars of today~ wore these outfits, everyone would be all OMG LOOK AT THAT WOW SO WILD pero this was just typical resortwear in the glamourous life of Mrs. Joanna Stayton.

’87 was a good year.

Probably the best screencap of my screencapping life so far

However, the highest level of 80′s excess in this film goes to Joanna’s mother, played by Katherine Helmond aka Mona from Who’s the Boss? !!!

A flash forward sequence of me in 30 years

Here is the aforementioned badass closet that Kurt’s character makes for her. You must watch it in motion.

PLE DEW NETFLIX OVERBOARD IMMEDIATELY. Nothing beats going to sleep to images of 80′s Kurt Russell dancing in your head…

PS. Wouldn’t Rory and I make a PERFECT bloggers remake of Overboard?? I THINK SO