I got a horrifying text the other day.
‘Tis a sad, sad day, mi amigos. I write about beauty. I’ve tried tons of lip balms, lip moisturizers, lip scrubs, organically handmade from a nun’s tears-type of products, but whenever my luscious pucker needs a smear of something to make them soft, I still turn to that gawddamn Dr. Pepper lip chap.
That Dr. Pep lip balm is so near and dear to mi corazon. I’ve used it for more than a decade and it reminds me of Brittany Murphy because she used to use it too (via an episode of MTV’s Diary.) I probably don’t have to riot TOO MUCH actually, because apparently another company is taking over their products so it’s not like the Lip Smackers are going the way of the dodo. I’m sure we won’t notice any difference. It definitely won’t be like the time when we all heard Polaroid was going out of business so I bought 30 packs of film (still have ten packs unused who wants to come over and model 4 me)…or the time we heard Betsey Johnson was going out of business so I pulled over, called my BFF and we cried to each other over the phone. And now what, I’m literally staring at a Betsey Johnson-designed Kleenex box. They never REALLY go away, do they? Well, maybe Orbitz soft drinks and Crystal Pepsi.
“BONNE VOYAGE” BONNE BELL