targetisgirlcracks

There are certain mysteries in the world that I ponder from time to time. How were the pyramids built? Where do all my missing bangs combs go? And most importantly, what kind of supernatural force does Target have over us?!?

I call Target “GIRLCRACK.” It earned that nickname because almost every time a person (usually female according to my studies) goes to a Target store, they get into some sort of compulsive haze and end up spending A LOT more than they planned to in the first place. I’m talking about some serious impulse buying, like going in to pick up some tampons and leaving with $80 less in your bank account. WHY IS THAT?!?

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I myself am guilty of this crayness. I once went in to buy some 3-ring binders and left with a dress, panties (HOWEVER, PLE TAKE NOTE that Target carries the best black lace boycut panties as confirmed by a multitude of ladyfriends), a bra, various travel toiletries , a pack of disposable cameras, a double dvd of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey (How could I say no to Ted “Theodore” Logan for $5?!), two pairs of tights, nail polish, Hello Kitty car mats and some gum.

STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE BIG RED BULLSEYE.

Even thee Jackie Collins noted this suspicious phenomenon, seen in our Twitter dialogue below.

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The last one is my favorite tweet of all time. I think we can take that statement out of context and apply it to EVERYTHING. Just read this over and over every day for the rest of your life…

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The wizardry of Target has been a topic of conversation for me since the early 2000’s, starting with a couple of old co-workers of mine. We would heavily sigh at the mass amount of cash flow we spent at the nearby Target during lunch hour but the feelings of regret would quickly fade and turn into a synchronized “I love Target!!” cheer.

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The different kinds of stupid yet amazing shit one might find themselves buying at this wonderland

So what could be the reason we are drawn to spending massive amounts of cash during casual Target visits? One person I talked to suggested it could be the lighting. Could the fluorescent glare be emitting some sort of energy that brainwashes us to buy? Perhaps it’s the hypnotizing swirl of the Target logo? Or could it just be the fact that Target is A SUPER-SIZED CONVENIENCE STORE that stocks every single item we will eventually need at some point. Other stores like Costco and CVS have a similar effect. Costco is a place where you can buy a new camera, Harajuku Girls perfume and Apple Gouda Chicken Sausages (true story). CVS is a given because you can buy hair dye, five bottles of nail polish and pick up your birth control at the same time. We can agree that all three of these stores have that same effect of convenience,  but there is something extra special about Target. Not only do they offer that desired easy-peasy convenience, but good quality and STYLE. OH HAAAY! Sorry bout dat, Walmart.

During my extensive research, I found this facebook group for people who suffer from the same Target GIRLCRACK syndrome.

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Let’s see what the group members have to say about this epidemic…

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What was that, Joanne? CONTROLLING OUR LIFES?? YOU GOT DAT RIGHT SISTA!!

So my friends, do any of you suffer from the same Target affliction? If so, what do you think the reason behind it is? Do you even care or do you just surrender yourself to the Target gods and let them have their way with you (like I do)? Finally, has anyone seen any good Hello Kitty stuff in the dollar bins lately??