Category — Obsess With Me

♥ My favorite VG on the right: EG Daily! ♥

If you’ve hung out around in the Agent Lover lair for awhile, you may have noticed how much I love valley girls and anything related to them. So this week is….ALL ABOUT VALLEY GIRLS!  That means we will be talking about valley girl-themed movies, favorite famous VG’s and other totally tubular stuff! In the meantime, why not take a trip back  to my posts on my fave movies, Valley Girl (duh) and Earth Girls Are Easy, as well as my interview with singer Josie Cotton from Valley Girl!

♥ I have to say it always pissed me off that the poster for Valley Girl did NOT have the real girl Deborah Foreman on it! Who was this imposter?? ♥

But that’s not all dudes and dudettes… we are kickin’ this thang off with a totally awesome giveaway! The winner will receive Valley Girl on DVD (although I’m sure ALL OF YOU have it already!) and I’ve also paired up with We Love Colors to give away a couple of my favorite items: 2 pairs of their knee socks and 2 pairs of their Nylon/Lycra Microfiber Tights ( Styles #1053 or #1008) ! All you have to do is leave a comment below and I’ll pick the winner on Friday! Gag me with a spoon you muthas!

EDIT: I ended up getting really sick this past week so we will resume VGW on Monday! I will keep comments open until Sunday night and I’ll choose the winner on Monday. Sorry for the delay everyone!

♥ Levi’s jacket, vintage NKOTB shirt from Emi’s childhood, leopard mini skirt from Target, Kate Bush-themed tote from Fieldguided given to me by Melissa! There’s also a Wu-Tang pin on the jacket. This combo basically sums me up well IMHO. ♥

Well dudes & dudettes, two things. I’m obsessed with Spotify and the addiction to Instagram has finally reached your pal Rie. I remember months ago when Fast Five came out, I wanted to marathon the entire series and used Instagram for screencaps to bait any of my friends who were secret Fast and the Furious fans (at least five have revealed themselves.) I hadn’t really used it since because, A) my old-ass dinosaur iPhone would kick me out of the app every single time and B) It doesn’t email you notifications when people add you. I am used to relying on email alerts, hello. Then Rory and another friend told me they were surprised I didn’t use it more so I logged in and realized HEY THERE’S A PARTY GOING ON IN THERE. So here we are. The excitement I feel for Instagram is similar to my feelings for Flickr circa 2005-2006, which is a pretty big deal my friends.  But it really just gets me more excited for the new iPhone. Leyla and I are holding out for the iPhone 5 and will literally throw a party for the occasion. I have been holding off for so long!!!

♥ Some lil whole wheat naan pizzas I made (they look like pizza chanclas) and Mr. Shankly’s hungry eyes. Does he ever get full? His stomach is like a bottomless pit. ♥

So now let me tell you about my crush on Spotify. If you work in an office all day, a good music situation is vital to your sanity. Luckily I am not tortured by Muzak (does it even still exist??) or Kiss FM and get to listen to whatever I want. HOWEVER, this can backfire if you are not careful. For instance, if you have your iTunes set to shuffle and a clip of you singing E-40′s “U and Dat”  in autotune comes on it ain’t gonna be pretty. That happened to me three times in the past year. It’s like I keep pranking myself.

Anyway, I’ve ignored books, my Netflixing, my sleep, this blog, humans, food, the gym, all because I’ve been making playlists on Spotify and they are making me really emotional. But in a good, nostalgic, junior high sort of way. Some titles: “My Art Leboe Oldies Dedications” (romantic lowrider jams), Damn Girl (the ultimate late 90′s/00′s sistajams) I Was Born In The Wrong Era (Connie, Patsy, Brenda and the rest of the ladies who remind me there was a time when people actually knew how to sing) and then “I Love Every Version Of Sea of Love” which well, I’ve told you enough already.  Find me (agentlover) on there if you want to have a listen/cry/do the butterfly.

And before I leave you, Let us gaze at this screenshot from the best video ever made, (second only to the mariachi beluga serenade) the Stamos Cuddling video! So many people sent this to me. I love that so much, you guys. Of course I had to SAY SOMETHING TO MY BELOVED but alas, IGNORED AGAIN. Someday, someday…

Sistadudes, can we finally talk about this IMPORTANT SUBJECT already? Brunch aka “I am too lazy and hungover to make it to breakfast,” is one of my favorite things in the whole world. I know it’s just a corny term you use to eat a late breakfast with your crew (usually the people you hung out with a few hours prior.) This way, you can keep the party going and extend the previous night’s binge-drinking under the guise of “fancy mom drinks” like mimosas and Bloody Mary’s.  Don’t you need some of that el pelo del perro anyway?

(BRUNCHES I HAVE BRUNCHED UPON, clockwise from left: Eggs Florentine at The Parker, Signature Scramble at Grub, Healthy and Happy crepe at Jack N’ Jill’s, Eggs Italia at Cafe 222)

Here are some Serious Brunch Rules I have made up for us to abide by, then break later:

1. Brunch starts at 11am and ends at 3pm. Anytime you eat prior to 11am is considered breakfast and reserved for early-risers like grampas and churchpeople. Anytime after 3pm should just be switched to “Thai takeout” because if you are starting your Sunday that late you might as well stay in and Netflix all day in your pajamas, Lazy. (Sounds awesome though)
2. Brunch is always on a weekend, usually after a wild night out. It can also be scheduled as a date to meet with out-of-town pals. You can’t brunch on a weekday so don’t even try to ask.
3. Brunch foods can be either breakfast or lunch items BUT they must be decadent and/or greasy with various carbs and types of cheese.  A side of fruit and oatmeal does not count as brunch, sorry.
4. Brunch should ideally last at least two hours. Let’s be Epicurean for once and just eat, drink, and talk shit for a while. Life is too short to rush our special Brunchtimes with each other.
5. There must be alcohol present at Brunch, obviously.
6. Anytime you say you are “going to Brunch” you WILL sound like a big asshole. You might as well be taking tennis lessons at the country club afterwards with James Spader’s character from Pretty in Pink, Preppy (A.C. Slater voice.) But it’s okay because you’re going to Brunch so screw everyone else, right?

(Now please tell me your favorite places and foods to brunch at and upon so I can make a master Brunchbook that we will pass around underground like the assholes that we are.)

Ice-T and Coco are going to teach us all how to believe in love again. I JUST KNOW IT. I will be posting many inspiring photos of Coco on my Tumblr today like good luck charms for us all.

The Hairpin posted an article I wrote on the THREE made-for-TV movies about the Amy Fisher/Joey Buttafuoco scandal from the early nineties. Ple lurq it here. Maybe you can make a Long Island Lolita cocktail to drink while you read! It could basically be a Long Island Iced Tea but with a single cherry…

First of all, lemme just say that when I first decided to write this post on my Top Ten Lifetime Original Movies I did not think I’d get this much of a response. I mean I know there are a select few of us that have caught a LOM or two in our lives but I didn’t think it was gonna be like this! Even men I know have come forward and expressed their love of the LOM. One even said his favorite was called “What Alice Found.” ABOUT TRUCK STOP PROSTITUTION! AMAZING!

And now it is time to announce the winner of the Death of a Cheerleader dvd (which is not an Ebay bootleg btw, PHEW!) This was seriously the hardest decision of my life you guys. Every entry was so creative and hilar, it was very difficult to choose. But just like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there can only be one. So to help with my decision I went to the desert on a spiritual quest, wearing only chambray and knotted pearls. I built an altar of candles surrounding framed photos of Marcia Gay Harden and under a full white moon, called upon the spirit of the LOM. Thus, the chosen one was revealed…

JOE YOU ARE THE WINNER!!!!

Here is his entry:

“Mine is called “Thou Shall Not Kill”. Mine is about a group of devout teenage Christians, who will do whatever it takes to make sure their classmates stay celibate. Even kill. It would have been filmed in in the mid ’90s and would star Emily Schulman (aka Harriet from “Small Wonder”) as Sandy Fuller, the Christian girl gone psycho; Cherie Johnson as her partner in crime, Katrina Thomas; and Maureen Flannigan as her slutty arch rival, Samantha Radomski. She’ll sleep w/ anyone to tick “Sandy” off. Including Sandy’s boyfriend, Ronnie Santucci, played by Michael Cade (of “California Dreams”). Watch what happens when lust is stronger than the bible.”

BRILLIANT!! I picked Joe because he used all of my favorite elements to create the perfect LOM:

• 80′s Child actors trying to break out of their stereotypical roles: Harriet from Small Wonder (my bangs arch-nemesis) Cherie from Punky Brewster and Evie Ethel Garland from Out Of This World.
  
• Killer Christians!!!
• High school scandal
• and the one that sealed the deal…MICHAEL CADE OF CALIFORNIA DREAMS! How dare you!! That cameo was totally out of left field!

Thanks again to everyone who entered! I wish I could give you all prizes because they were all very LOM-worthy! But don’t fret just yet my pet. I will have more contests in the future where you can win more LOMs!

LUVIN EWE!

Ever since I saw Switched At Birth starring Bonnie Bedelia when I was a preteen, I have enjoyed the cinematic works of art known as Lifetime Original Movies (aka LOMs.) I know many of you feel the same way so I figured a discussion of our favorite LOMs would ignite more passion in our bloglationship. Today I am sharing with you my Top Ten Favorite Lifetime Original Movies with a surprise giveaway at the end! (the blog equivalent to me coming out in a black negligee.) With the hundreds of Lifetime movies out there, you would think it would be impossible to narrow them down to a measly ten, but I did it! Most of my favorites are from the nineties, since I have been sadly underwhelmed by many of the recent ones. The Craigslist Killer was terrible! Amish Grace? Horrible! However there are a couple of newer ones that put a ‘lil sparkle in my eye…SHALL WE BEGIN?

The Nora Roberts movies

These four movies, based on stories from romance novelist Nora Roberts, played for a month sometime in 2009. I was lucky (anti-social) enough to catch Tribute (RIP Brittany) and Midnight Bayou and enjoyed the mix of romance , suspense, and the supernatural. I still have to watch the other two but surely I won’t be disappointed. Also FYI the one with Leann Rimes and that hot dimples dude is how they started having an IRL affair! Not like anyone cares or anything.

Sins of the Mind

I am pretty sure nobody besides me saw Sins of The Mind. I couldn’t even find a better picture of it than the one above, that’s how obscure this is. This movie has seriously fucked me up for the past ten years. It’s about a girl who gets into a car accident and suffers trauma to the brain, particularly the nerve that controls impulses. Basically she becomes what many of us only dream to be: a big ol’ whore. She can’t resist any of her urges, which of course are mostly sexual. During a trip to London in 2002, I was walking across the Thames River and told Shaun I was afraid my impulse gland was broken like in Sins Of The Mind and I might jump into the water. I’m sure that paranoia was triggered by exhaustion and jetlag and not by me being cray.

She’s Too Young

This is another newer one I enjoyed because it’s about a bunch of teenagers getting syphilis. Sluts! What is there more to say? Marcia Gay Harden is very angry in this movie.

Twisted Desire

There was a time in the 90′s when all of our favorite goody-two-shoes sitcom stars were in Lifetime movies. This one had Clarissa Explains It All’s Melissa Joan Hart seducing Jeremy “Right Kind of Love” Jordan into murdering her parents! What a bitch.

Friends Til The End

Shannen Doherty stars as a girl in a band who becomes the victim of a single white female. This was basically an extra-long episode of 90210. A memorable scene was when the band shot their music video in the desert. Lots of 90′s camera angles.

Mother May I Sleep With Danger?

First of all, this wins the award for best title of a movie ever made. Donna Martin, sporting an extreme bob, is romanced by butt-chinned 90′s hunk Ivan Sergei. In no time, his affection turns into obsession and he traps her in a log cabin. The Wikipedia description says all you need to know: “Laurel (Spelling) discovers that her new boyfriend Kevin (Sergei) is a serial killer, and must escape the mountain cabin in which he is holding her captive by paddling down a river in a canoe at dusk.”

No One Would Tell

Another one starring a couple of our favorite child actors, Kevin Arnold aka my first love, Fred Savage, is a possessive asshole who beats up and eventually murders his girlfriend played by D.J. Tanner! UGH SO GOOD. What would you do if I sang outta tune?

She Fought Alone

Do you guys remember when Brian Austin Green (BAG) and Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (TAT) were in hyphen-named puppy love? Tiffani even got a green heart tattooed on her back during this time.  Anyway, she plays a bad girl who gets raped by the friend of BAG’s character and nobody believes her.

A Killer Among Friends

Another LOM starring Tiffani Amber, I liked this one so much I had taped it on VHS.  TAT plays a cute popular girl who gets murdered down by the river by her jealous friends. I remember the murder scene looked super fake because they used what looked like a blow-up doll. The ringleader of the friends actually moves into TAT’s mom’s (played by Patty Duke!) house after the murder like a creepy ass bitch. Years pass until one of the friends confesses. Still not sure why I liked watching this one over and over. I must be the real creep!

And finally…the #1 LOM: Death of a Cheerleader!

Was this too obvious!? There are countless elements that make this LOM #1 on my list. Kellie Martin plays Angela, a nice high school girl who wants nothing more to be perfect and popular. She watches in envy as queen bee Stacy Lockwood (perfect bitch name) one-ups her in all teen territories, from having the coolest skiing outfit to making the cheerleading squad. Even though Angela is smart, well-liked and part of the Larks (a sorority-type clique at the school), she still can’t accept Stacy Lockwood always being one step ahead of her. One fateful day, Stacy calls Angela a weirdo and Angela stabs her! At first the murder is blamed on the class goth and Angela begins to reap the benefits of being Miss Popular… until her Catholic guilt takes over and she confesses to the murder.

Let me write you a list of why Death of A Cheerleader is my favorite Lifetime movie ever.

• Donna Martin is a snotty ass bitch!
• The fashion mostly consists of chambray, knotted pearls, and gold Jesus crosses.
• There is a strong Catholic theme throughout the whole movie. SO MUCH GUILT
• There is a “taking odd jobs to make enough money to go to the ski trip” montage of Angela – you know how I love montages!
• Cameos include: Valerie Harper as the mom, JOHN LOCKE as the principal, and Uncle Phil Banks from Fresh Prince!

I hate you Stacy Lockwood!!

And now for my revealing negligee…

I AM GIVING AWAY A COPY OF DEATH OF A CHEERLEADER! Not the one above since that was my Netflix copy but I have a brand new one for you all the way from Ebay! Let’s hope it’s not bootleg. Actually if it is, it will make this whole thing even better! To enter, make up your own Lifetime Original Movie and leave it as a comment below. I want a sweet title, a short plot summary and throw in some actors too if you want! Make me laugh, make me gasp, make me shed a tear! The most original and entertaining idea wins!

PS. I will be uploading more LOM screencaps to my Tumblr, including another favorite aspect of them…the shitty looking opening title sequences!

Once upon a time, I would always go to this certain Chevron gas station to pick up weekend warrior essentials: string cheese, Smart Water, chicle, etc, and the same cholo cashier would always pay me compliments. BTW props to the latin mangs for having no qualms about giving compliments. Take from their cue dudes! Anyway, one particular evening, I got up to the register and the cholo cashier said, “DAAAMN GIRL. YOU SMELL LIKE CHRISTMAS!” If you know me well, you know I LOVES to smell like DESSERT. No patchouli stank or grandma musk for me, ladies and gents. I like to smell like something right outta the oven. Like a Cinnabun employee. Like a walking funnel cake. Like a gawtdamn bakery! I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was actually smelling my Secret Vanilla Chai deodorant. EVERYTHING DESSERT I TELL YOU. Even my armpits.

My girlfriends and I are always on the lookout for the “yummy smelly good stuff.” I think this started ten years ago when I would religiously use BODY SECRETS Cotton Candy Fantasy that you’d easily find at the local Thrifty’s. Since then, life has consisted of a constant search for the perfect candy-smelling scent. Sidenote: do you remember what perfumes you wore as a baby hoodrat? My fragrance timeline went like this: Love’s Baby Soft -> Exclamation! -> Sunflowers -> CK ONE. I also swear I had this Michael Jackson Moonwalker perfume that came with a star necklace but my Googles have turned up nothing! They did however, reveal this Michael Jackson California Raisin (which has been added to my Amazon wishlist FYI.)

There is this Calgon Marshmallow body spray drugstore delight that my friends and I love. It’s delicious and addicting, but since it’s just a body spray it doesn’t last long. A couple of years ago, Sephora sold a line of dessert-themed fragrances called Eau De Vie but they were discontinued. One of them was called Whipped Cream. I have about half an inch left in a bottle that Reyna gave me for Xmas in 2008 and can’t bring myself to throw it away! Why can’t it come back? Sadly I have not yet found perfumes that mirror these two favorites of mine so I’ve chosen to seek other alternatives. I have been doing this research for over a year! This is SERIOUS BUSINESS! I became a ghetto “nose” aka perfumer the past year smelling EVERYTHING I could get my schnozz on. Reyna told me that the legit “noses” in Paris are pure and do not drink, smoke or eat crazy things, but I don’t believe that one bit…French people are incapable of living such boring lives! Anyway, I wanted to share with you my favorite fragrances that came about during this journey.

1. First off, there is Tokyo Milk. They make yummy scents with names like “I Want Candy,” Let Them Eat Cake,” and my favorite, “Honey and the Moon.” Sweet honey, sugared violet and jasmine are in the fragrance notes of that one. Definitely one to try! You can get these at Beauty Habit.

2. You probably know this already but…Pink Sugar is the probably the #1 legit candy-scented perfume out there right now. It’s really popular at Sephora and deserves its fame because it is truly PERFECTION! But I honestly want more in my dessert smelling world! GIMME MORE MUM.

3. I HATE to admit it, but Kat Von D’s “Saint” might be my new favorite. Reyna gave me a sample of it and it is SUPA DELISHIS. Notes of plum, mandarin, and caramel really make it a yummy scent to wear all day everyday. It’s going to be my next purchase.

The lovely people at Fragrance.net knew I was looking for sweet-smelling perfumes and sent me Marc Jacobs Lola, Viva La Juicy and Hanae Mori to try out.

4. If you haven’t tried Marc Jacobs Lola, it is LOVELY. Its notes include rose, vanilla and ruby red grapefruit giving it that “warm-sweet” fragrance I always go for. Definitely one of my current favorites. I’ve been wearing it everyday. And the bottle is badass!

5. Viva La Juicy is another one I tried and liked. It doesn’t come out as dessert-y as the notes suggest (wild berries , mandarin, caramel, vanilla, and praline) but it makes for a nice everyday choice as well.

6. Hanae Mori is a classic. This is one that’s been around since the early nineties and you can never go wrong with it. It has notes of grapefruit and strawberry. You know..I think grapefruit notes are what bring that warm-sweet kind of scent. I’ve noticed that common denominator in a lot of fragrances I like.

8. Mariah Carey just came out with a new perfume line called “Lollipop Bling“ which is the most hilarious name ever! I had to try it because MARIAH is “our” #1 guilty pleasure and with a name like LOLLIPOP BLING I assumed it was the scent I had been waiting for my whole life. HOWEVER, I’m disappointed in the packaging of this scent, Mariah. You are a circus of a woman and I expect the same level of absurdity in design as well. Instead we are given this mediocrity of a perfume bottle. GO BIG OR GO HOME. Anyway, there are three scents in this line. “Mine Again” has notes of chocolate, magnolia and raspberry, “Honey” has pineapple and honey and “Ribbon” is a blue raspberry scent. I wasn’t able to get samples of these to truly test out at home, but when I checked them out at Macy’s, “Honey” was my favorite so far. I think these are going to come out at RITE AID so we will all easily be able to smell like Nick Cannon’s sugar daddy. JUST KIDDING. I loved Drumline.

7. & 9. There are a couple I still want to try out like Laura Mercier’s Crème Brûlée (warm caramel, spun sugar, French vanilla beans) and Gale Hayman’s Delicious Cotton Candy (orange, bergamot, clementine, cotton candy.)

Even though I found some lovely perfumes to wear my heart still yearns for the ULTIMATE candy/dessert smelling scent. My dream is to someday have a fragrance line where I can create the perfect perfumes that will make cholos everywhere believe it’s Christmas when you walk into the room. I want people to crave birthday cake and donuts everytime I flip my weave. I believe this is a dream that I can achieve. It is only a matter of time!

How do you guys feel about dessert-scented fragrances? If you are OBSESSED like yours truly are there any perfumes I might have missed in my years of research? Lemme know! LUV EWE LOTS.

There are certain mysteries in the world that I ponder from time to time. How were the pyramids built? Where do all my missing bangs combs go? And most importantly, what kind of supernatural force does Target have over us?!?

I call Target “GIRLCRACK.” It earned that nickname because almost every time a person (usually female according to my studies) goes to a Target store, they get into some sort of compulsive haze and end up spending A LOT more than they planned to in the first place. I’m talking about some serious impulse buying, like going in to pick up some tampons and leaving with $80 less in your bank account. WHY IS THAT?!?

I myself am guilty of this crayness. I once went in to buy some 3-ring binders and left with a dress, panties (HOWEVER, PLE TAKE NOTE that Target carries the best black lace boycut panties as confirmed by a multitude of ladyfriends), a bra, various travel toiletries , a pack of disposable cameras, a double dvd of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey (How could I say no to Ted “Theodore” Logan for $5?!), two pairs of tights, nail polish, Hello Kitty car mats and some gum.

STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE BIG RED BULLSEYE.

Even thee Jackie Collins noted this suspicious phenomenon, seen in our Twitter dialogue below.

The last one is my favorite tweet of all time. I think we can take that statement out of context and apply it to EVERYTHING. Just read this over and over every day for the rest of your life…

The wizardry of Target has been a topic of conversation for me since the early 2000′s, starting with a couple of old co-workers of mine. We would heavily sigh at the mass amount of cash flow we spent at the nearby Target during lunch hour but the feelings of regret would quickly fade and turn into a synchronized “I love Target!!” cheer.

The different kinds of stupid yet amazing shit one might find themselves buying at this wonderland

So what could be the reason we are drawn to spending massive amounts of cash during casual Target visits? One person I talked to suggested it could be the lighting. Could the fluorescent glare be emitting some sort of energy that brainwashes us to buy? Perhaps it’s the hypnotizing swirl of the Target logo? Or could it just be the fact that Target is A SUPER-SIZED CONVENIENCE STORE that stocks every single item we will eventually need at some point. Other stores like Costco and CVS have a similar effect. Costco is a place where you can buy a new camera, Harajuku Girls perfume and Apple Gouda Chicken Sausages (true story). CVS is a given because you can buy hair dye, five bottles of nail polish and pick up your birth control at the same time. We can agree that all three of these stores have that same effect of convenience,  but there is something extra special about Target. Not only do they offer that desired easy-peasy convenience, but good quality and STYLE. OH HAAAY! Sorry bout dat, Walmart.

During my extensive research, I found this facebook group for people who suffer from the same Target GIRLCRACK syndrome.

Let’s see what the group members have to say about this epidemic…

What was that, Joanne? CONTROLLING OUR LIFES?? YOU GOT DAT RIGHT SISTA!!

So my friends, do any of you suffer from the same Target affliction? If so, what do you think the reason behind it is? Do you even care or do you just surrender yourself to the Target gods and let them have their way with you (like I do)? Finally, has anyone seen any good Hello Kitty stuff in the dollar bins lately??

Remember that sexy one night stand you had? You met somebody who turned you on and turned you out like no other? Anyone that came before or after that night never stood a chance. You parted ways the next day, but they were always on your mind? Well, it happened to me too.

Yes, that’s right I’m talking about this GHD FLAT IRON!!!! I borrowed Leyla’s ghd hair straightener one night and FELL IN LOVE. Now my hair may be long, luxurious, Crystal Gayle status, but sadly it isn’t the same poker-straight Asian hair it used to be. I needed something good. Something different. Also, I am usually in a rush and finding a flat iron that gets all of my hair straightened in less than ten minutes is a dream! The ghd runs around $200+ bones so I don’t see my dream lover and I reuniting anytime in the near future. WAH! I will have to just keep yearning for its tender touch. And continue brushing my hair one thousand times each night. ghd, sweet prince! Won’t you gimme some love!!!!