Category — Mi Vida Loca

How will you celebrate? I for one am tweeting my favorite 90210 quotes again. Please join me! THEN, I’m going to dust off my fake sideburns that I usually save for Luke Perry’s birthday (October 11th) and rent a convertible to drive out to Moonshadows in Malibu. Anyone care to join?

More 90210 unicorns here!

Also sorry but it never gets old.

Ps. I wrote the creator of this video a fan letter recently. I’m hoping he makes a sequel soon!

During the later parts of summer I get into this weird codependent mood with my friends where we turn into siamese twins and never want to leave each others’ side. Do any of you get this way? Ever year at this time my desires to practice the religion of Laterian and parade down the streets with my hoodrat army are in full effect.

Reyna gave me this dress the other day because we were going out on the town to do said hoodrat thangs but I was dressed too casual (babydoll & boots). She opened her closet to me (sounds sexual), which holds a vintage dress collection that can rival my idol Elsa’s. Obviously this one was PERFECT for me! I went from Angela Chase to Anna Karina in the blink of an eye! Aaand she let me keep it! How sweet. THANKS REYUMI!!!

Here’s some random pictures of food from other times because hoodrats need to eat.

FU short rib grilled cheese from Joan’s on Third

F U teeny cupcake from Milk

I shall BRB with more blogging. Totally been neglecting my lil’ internet sanctuary over here because I’m too busy living the hoodrat life. You can blame the girls from the previous post.

PS. Call me if you want to live a life of hedonism and decadence.

In the name of Laterian,

Click here to read the fun lil’ interview I did on Mayoress with the terrific ladyboo known as Community College. Mayoress is one of my new top favorite lurks btw so check it out. I talk about my latest obsessions and who would play me in the movie of my life (not Jack Black in a bangs wig unfortch.) I wanna make you a glittering gif, CC! We have a blogmance going on.

I love the county fairs of the summertime. Everything about them is so vulgar: the fried candy bars, the deathtrap carnival rides, the people!!! It’s also like walking around inside an overpriced 99 cent store. But it’s gluttony at its finest and you’d be a fool not to partake in this guilty pleasure once in a while.

It’s only natural

I didn’t get a funnel cake because I spent all of my money on Virgin Mary and airbrushed keychains.

Shoe decorating contest…who could be the next great shoe designer of our time? I will have nightmares about this for weeks.

Kind of regret not getting a portrait done of myself by this guy.

My beef with the fair is the lack of gems in their prize stash. Only three years ago I got a beautiful framed portrait of Poetic Justice‘s leading stars, Tupak Shakur and Janet Miss Jackson IF YOUR NASTY. Why must you be updated in pop culture now? Why not keep the prizes outdated and slightly offensive and amazing?! At the AGENT LOVER FAIR, we’d have plenty of Selenas, Dizzy Devil, and Joey Lawrence framed photos for everybody!! I settled for teen dream Zac Efron because the Rob Pat one looked too greasy.

Plus I like how he is giving a lil’ pledge of allegiance underneath his shirt. This is now in the backseat of my car next to some copies of Lucky Magazine in case you find yourself back there and in need of a hunk.

Carnival ride paintings are really an unappreciated form of art.

Is it really ?

I was beyond excited to have captured this moment in action. This woman was airbrushing a tank top that said “Kinky” with what appeared to be the head of a turtle underneath (!!!) and “105 years.” WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!

Again, it’s only natural.

Smile now, cry later.

~THE END~

ps. Are you going to the fair? Will you vomit? Eat funnel cake? Get pygmy goat dook on your boot?

Is that me in a corn field in the middle of the desert or is this a MIRAGE??!!

I could have titled the final installment of my Palm Springs Diaries: Only WE Would Go To A Zoo In The Desert, but I thought The Day I Almost Fainted would have more of a dramatic effect and a juicy plot. Emi and I thought it would be fun to go to The Living Desert, which is a zoo in nearby Indian Wells aka Indian Hell because it ended up being TOO HOT EVEN FOR ME (Cleopatra.) I still have yet to experience a real SoCal summer this year due to this weird ass January weather. Didn’t I complain about this thirty times already? (Sidebar as I type this, I am looking outside at the whiteout DRIZZLIN’ sky. Where am I, Seattle? HATECHU!) Anyway, I was all the more ready to “embrace the heat”…until I had a case of the dizzies in this DESERT JUNGLE and was afraid I was going to face plant into a cactus. Thank gawt I didn’t otherwise poor Emi would have to “Weekend at Bernie’s” me outta there.

This dress is from Charlotte Ronson’s collection for JC Penney. You know how I have loved me some Penney’s in the past. This dress is so pink and playful. It’s like Saved by the Bell, Kelly Kapowski print on the top with a pink and white floral skirt (my fave.)

Here is a magical gif of me taking down my long luxurious Rapunzel locks for your pleasure.

I’ve passed by this cute elephant sign many times on the way to Coachella and finally got to take a picture!

I should note that we ate at the original Native Foods twice while we were in Palm Springs. It’s this amazing vegan restaurant that has a few locations in Southern California. There is only one in LA for now but hopefully that will change soon. We even met the founder, Chef Tanya!

When we left beautiful Palm Springs we stopped to see the Cabazon Dinosaurs as per tradition. The Cabazon dinos were made way back in 1975 as a way to attract attention to the nearby cafe. But in the 90′s, the property was turned into a Creationist musuem, making poor Dinny and Mr. Rex (the dinosaurs) accessories to some religious propaganda.

But to Rie-Rie, this place will ALWAYS remind her of the glorious Fred Savage movie, The Wizard. “Califooornia!”

The wind was blowing so hard, even my bangs were no match against it. Imagine if I had a bangs helmet for these types of situations?

Closeup of my Mr. T hands. I will do a post on my rings addiction soon. PITY THE FOOL

This is a photo-heavy post from our little trip to the LBC to visit the Aquarium of the Pacific in celebration of Nicki H’s birthday! WE LOVE US SOME OCEANIC CREATURES…(TO EAT… half jk) This was also the day a pigeon dooked in my Tecate! Luckily the nice people at the aquarium gave me a fresh new cerveza. THANK YOU! I will give you an all star YELP review for that. Hope that bird poop was good luck. ::VOMITROCIOUS::

I am going to think about this moment in time FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!

Like I said in the previous post, Joan Collins’ book, MY SECRETS was the official bible of this particular trip. It was a good alternative to the trash mags I brought for us to enjoy during our tanning sessions. Even though fresh celeb gossip is available to us 24-7 via the internet these days, nothing beats reading from a good gossip rag (The Enquirer, Star, US Weekly are lifetime faves) held in your very own hands. Related sidebar: I knew Rosie O’ Donnell was a lesbeyonce way before she came out of the closet because I saw a picture of her riding a motorcycle with her girlfriend holding tightly onto her back in The National Enquirer!!! Anyway, I digress…

My Secrets by Joan Collins (aka all-time best betch Alexis from Dynasty) came out in 1994 but can be very useful almost two decades later. The book is a collection of Joan’s personal pro tips on health, beauty, fashion, exercise and even yo’ attitude. It also features the most amazing photographs of Joan throughout her career.

A few of my fave tips so far…

+ “Three Bags. the best quality you can buy. All black, one Chanel style shoulder bag with the gold chain which is classic and definitely here to stay. One small clutch for evening, restaurants, theatre, etc. and one ‘tote’ type for office, travel and everyday. I hate cheap bags, and, like the women of Italy and France I would rather have one good one than lots of cheapos.”

+ “Don’t Look at a photograph of Kim Basinger in a pink Lycra dress and buy one, thinking that you’re going to look just like her.”

+ “Being ‘well dressed’ means different hings to different people. To a teenager it mean her special battered jeans, baseball cap and a T-shirt with a slogan scrawled all over it. To a glamorous young model or actress who is into grunge, it could mean trendy layered rags, a floral dress with Doc Martens or the dandy look.”

+ “Getting older should not carry a stigma. It should be a badge people wear with pride and dignity. With each year that passes, we should achieve more, and if we take proper care of ourselves, there is nothing to stop us looking and feeling our optimum best.”

+ “Tanning your skin is without any shadow of a doubt the worst thing you can do to it.” GULP

HAY JACKIE!!!! There’s her signature leopard print!!!

Kirsten Dunst eat your Antoinette heart out

A day without a glorious wig is a day without sunshine

Oh Joan, I thank thee for sharing your tips on how to live my fabulous life. I think you’ve given me inspiration to write MY OWN BOOK OF SECRETS! IMAGINE. Would any of you read it?

HAY YOU GUYS! I just returned from a mini-vacay to beautiful PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA!!! Emi and I took a Thelma and Louise road trip to the desert and stayed at the SUPER COOL Ace Hotel and Swim Club!

In the lobby we were greeted by music playing on a record player(I peeped an Andrews Sisters vinyl!) and what might be the best photobooth I have seen in my life! The pictures come out in an old-school sepia tone and the machine takes credit cards! MOMMA LIKE

We enjoyed some marinated feta and couscous salad at the hotel’s roadside diner, King’s Highway. I’m wearing one of my adorable new hair bows courtesy of Cutie Dynamite! You’ll be able to see a better picture of it later in this Palm Springs Diaries series. Yes “SERIES” because in between our numerous outfits and obsessive photo taking, I wouldn’t be able to fit it all into one post.

A  for Agent Lover but chu know you can call me AL.

On Monday evenings, the hotel offers SISSY BINGO hosted by Linda Fabulous who belts out dirty Broadway ballads. We saw her perform a song which was something like “Who Do You Have To Fuck In Hollywood?” COCHINA!!!! Betty White better watch her back…

A warning…there are some SERIOUS Bingo players in there, notably older ladies and gents who probably attend on the regular. I was the A-hole who yelled out Bingo too early (SAWRE I HAVE NOT PLAYED SINCE MY YOUTH) and got a few death stares from some of the Bingo elite! Luckily their drinks were amazing and cooled down my red cheeks. My favorite was the ‘Desert Facial’ which is made up of muddled cucumber, mint, and pineapple vodka. Dis lush gives it an A ++.

The Ace also lets you ride their bikes around the town. If you guys remember, I have some sad childhood bike trauma but was stoked on attempting to ride for the first time in twenty years! Sadly I wasn’t as successful as I had hoped. Next time will be better once I have a lowrider and I’m not wearing Pollys!

Stay tuned for more of my Palm Springs Diaries!

Just wanted to do a quick photo post from the Tiki party last weekend when we celebrated Nikki’s birfday!

I made the other Nicki this pineapple hat! Here she is with Shaun

More Shaunie because you can never get enough

Mikkay + Mickay and Marlow Show

I ended up wearing my casachanclas! HAAAAAA!!

Me making a hangover face the next day in my current favorite summer dress. Amazing fruit purse no? Emi made it for me! Can’t wait to bring it to Palm Springs in a couple of weeks!

I LOVE SUMMER!!!

So in the previous post I mentioned my boo Nikki’s birthday. It is Tiki-themed so when I left you I spent my lunch break trying to find some sort of Tiki-style dress. (Sidebar: I feel like I am Doogie Howser writing in my diary to you right now with these “in real time” posts.) I went to ROSS because it is next to my werq and I am a babe on a budget. No time or cash flow to get some adorable Hawaiian-esque pinup dress in 24 hours. I will need to save that money and time roasting a pig and searching for pineapple-flavored vodka (half joke). Anyhoo, I found a black maxi dress with a Hawaiian-type print which will make me look like the perfect Aloha Goth Girl. My dilemma is…WHAT DA HALE SHOES WILL I WEAR?!?

DO NOT FAINT. First of all, I trust none of you would think I’d be foolish enough to do something like this these days but I have to put the warning out JUST IN CASE. I have been joking about wearing these horrors via text to my girlfriends since I went to ROSS at lunch but PLE. I’d rather go barefoot than wear Frankenflops!

GOOD LAWT. HOLD THE PHONE. WAIT ON SECOND THOUGHT CALL 911! His Royal Badness is gliding through life on these Super Chanclas!!! I just can’t with this picture. I think he’s just playing a practical joke on me. Just like when he announced the Internet was over.

ANYWAYS BACK TO ME AGAIN, even though I’m wearing a maxi dress and my feet won’t even be visible since I’m 5’1 and will prob look like a Japanese ghost girl gliding on the floors, I want to know my hooves will look cute while I’m doing the limbo by the jacuzzi and La Bamba’ing or Lambada’ing (WINK) on the beach. First let’s think about what I WISH I could be wearing if I didn’t choose my outfit last minute…

If my name was Cher and I could turn back time, I’d have ordered me a pair of Lucky Lou shoesies. How PERFECT would these be for my Tiki Goth dress!?!

These shoes are inspired by carved wooden wedge sandals called “bakyas” that were popular in the Philippines in the 1950′s-70′s. I think my mom has a pair of pink ones but Lucky Lou took them to a whole new level of life. I definitely want to try a pair of these and see if they are as comfortable as my Pollys (which are known as the most comfortable wooden heel in the world.)

As for this weekend…who knows what chanclas will adorn my tootsies underneath my Aloha Goth dress. I might just get a pair of crip slips and call it a day.