Category — Beauty

BEST BLONDE BANGS AWARD: Wanda Woodward

During our blog courtship many of you have asked me about my bangs. How do I get them so straight? Did I give up my firstborn to get such perfect bangs? Well first I must tell you a little about my personal history with bangs aka fringe. Like many little girls, Baby Rie Rie sported bangs as a youngin’…

CROOKED BANGS?! AWW Mama why you gotta play me like dat?!

Through the years, I’d grow them out, but they’d make brief appearances from time to time until fully committing to to my forehead in 2004. My favorite era of bangs was 2005-2006. Look at these photos…those bangs are too fresh. IF I MAY SO SO MESELF. Alas, at my side is my BANGS RIVAL at the time, my boo Nicki.

Since then Nicki has distanced herself from the Society of Bangs with a butch do’ but I wistfully hope for her return to us in the future. I mean please. Look at these bangs. Way better than mine. Come back to reclaim your throne, NICOLE!

There was a time when a CERTAIN SOMEBODY convinced me to grow out my bangs and I followed suit for one year (2006-2007 aka The Dark Age). Someday I will chronicle that very lonely time in a novel titled A Year Without Bangs. This blog was being created during that year which is why my Paperdoll has no bangs, but do not fret! That shall be fixed.

So you might be asking yourself, “Are bangs for me?” That’s a question only you and your loved ones (and forehead) can really answer. If you decide to follow the path of Bangs, I am here to guide you through the training and maintenance that I feel is required for this way of life.

Masuimi Max, another great bangs icon even though this may be a wig lol

You might be wondering what bangs length and style are good for you. Short or long, straight-across or whispy. Personally I like to go short (baby bangs) or super straight with them ending right on top of my eyebrows. Everyone has their own personal ‘bangs-to-eyebrow-ratio’ that is ideal for them. So today I present to you, The Seven Golden Rules of Bangs. I hope they bring you the strength and clarity one must need as a member of the Bangs Society.

Remember, I am here for you my sisters.

SOMEONE I know once cut their bangs with craft scissors and called me for help. I very well know desperate times can call for desperate measures but this is NOT one of those times. You can get a decent pair for about $10 at the beauty supply store or even CVS. Every Bangs Girl must always have a good pair of scissors in her possession. NO EXCUSE!

I know, I know. You’re running late for a date, a show or a seance and those bangs need a trim. I’m sorry Boo, but you’re going to have to put that shit on hold because YOU CANNOT FUCK WITH PRECIOUS BANGS TIME. This is fine art you are about to engage in. Did Da Vinci rush when he painted the Mona Lisa? I don’t think so. ::Googles it:: NO. So hang a “DO NOT DISTURB: BANGS TRIM IN SESSION” sign on the doorknob, light some candles and put on some tunes to serve as your soundtrack to this surgery. I like a bit of 80′s… maybe New Order. Something romantic, mid-tempo and non-distracting. Perhaps even General Public’s “Tenderness.” CAN’T GO WRONG WITH THAT ONE.

EASE IN DERE SON. Start by cutting little by little. I cannot stress this enough. Tie back your weave in a banana clip and comb them suckers down. Make sure they are clean and without product. I find them easier to cut dry rather than damp, that way they won’t shrink up and come out uneven. When you go in for the kill, comb..then cut. LITTLE BY LITTLE! Even those who have years of experience cannot expect to go in like they are Edward Scissorhands. I have been known to do that in the past and ended up with what I call “70′s Satanic Schoolgirl bangs.” Of course that sounds delicious but trust me, you don’t want this shit crooked. OR DO YOU? In that case my words MEAN NOTHING TO YOU. GET OUT!

In the 2005′s, there was an epidemic that hit my crew called Bangorexia. Bangorexia resulted from the immense desire for perfectly even bangs. Some of us went overboard trying to reach this level of perfection and ended up with hideously barren foreheads! This extreme length is not for the faint of heart so always be alert when you are in a session.

You NEVER know what might happen when you are on the field. Wind, rain, makeout sessions. Now that you are card-carrying member of the Bangs Society you better be representing us well at all times. What does this mean? Carry a bangs comb! You can find one for 99 cents! Not one of those short black LICE combs. Scurry! Those give me the coyote shivers. Mary Van Note has a switchblade comb… SIDEBAR WHY DON’T I HAVE ONE MYSELF YET? My favorite bangs comb right now is all gold and VERY BOLD. I also have a pink kids comb with the Marie cat from The Aristocats and many more in my inventory, THANK YOU.

I spray my bangs down with a little hairspray so they don’t get out of place. Reyna taught me this late in my bangs game. If I could tell 24-year old Rie-Rie what I know now, I’d say “Listen b, you better cement that shit down because you are going to be dancing to “Common People” at Bang tonight and you are going to look like a SWEATY HOT MESS.” Also, blow-dry them DOWN and very hot if you are a newbie and need to train your bangs to stop parting. And if I want them more full/Bettie Page looking, I blow-dry the sides of them which plumps up the middle. If I’m sporting my bangs on the longer side, I flat iron them so they are super straight.

Finally, if you are going to have bang game you better have eyebrow game to match! Nothing makes me feel more in tune with the Universe than when I have a fresh bang cut and a newly waxed brow. That combo is UNSTOPPABLE. Like Crockett and Tubbs, Cagney and Lacey and Grey Goose and grenadine!

Remember ladies, the path to Perfect Bangs can be discovered once you harness The Power. Like with many other things in life, practice makes perfect. Just believe in yourself and I know you too will reach Bangs Nirvana.

Photo by Miss Hearse

♥ I’d like to end this Bangs Bible Study by saluting some of my favorite fellow Fringe Sisters: Mary Van Note, Miss Hearse, Loulou Loves You, White Lightning, Mademoiselle Robot, Susie Bubble, I Liked Ginger, Vintage Vandalizm, SlackMistress and Queen Michelle…GREAT WORK LADIES! ♥

Years ago, I watched a movie called An Evening in Paris (no not that snoozefest) at someone’s birthday party where by the end of the night, I found myself at the Spearmint Rhino getting a lapdance by a sexy Persian stripper who finaled with a naked somersault onto my face (IMPRESSIVE)! But what I remembered most about that Bollywood movie was the gorgeous actress Sharmila Tagore and her PERFECT 60′s cateye.

Just thought I’d share some photos of her with my fellow winged eyeliner aficionados….

Can we talk about how I suddenly have an obsession for black tie-dye? ‘Cause I DEW SON. This $10 tee is so perfect in my life right now.

♥ Black Tie-dye t-shirt and belt from Target, H&M skirt, Forever 21 jacket, Dollhouse heels, rosary, hatchet necklace ♥

I’m extra Asian here. Must be dem lashes and smokey eyeshadow. Here’s an accessory closeup and my new sparkly blue OPI nail polish, which I hadn’t realize was part of that new Alice in Wonderland collection when I bought it…

HALLOW

This polish caught my eye because it reminded me of ~the starry sky~. Bad news though… I am OVER IT ALREADY. And we can all blame the movie AVATAR!! UGH I know. I hate to even say that word on this blog but this is serious you guys. I am afraid to report Avatar may have ruined my love for cobalt blue. I didn’t realize it until I was listening to some Luda and staring at my nails resting on the steering wheel in traffic and my mind exclaimed, “OH NO GIRL THESE ARE NA’VI NAILS!!” First of all, let’s make things clear. I neither hated the movie or became Avatarded. I thought it was quite sexy actually. I’m just angry that this beautiful blue made me think of it almost automatically! And now I’ve ruined it for you so you’ll think of it anytime you see that blue!! AHHHH this cycle must stop!!! Since I am drinking from a glass half-full, I realized that this nail polish will be nice for future nailz did themes and will be fine “in small doses” to slowly erase the Avatar correlation from my memory. So we will be okay. I hope…

The higher the hair, the closer to heaven was never truer at the show for Jeremy Scott’s church-themed Fall 2010 collection. I LOVE THESE HAIRDOS!!! They reminded me that I have been lagging on the personal hair goal I made after writing the slutty Madonna post…a high ponytail with a braided wraparound. I recently acquired a *vintage* Montgomery Ward cone bra so I’m extra ready for some Blonde Ambition. But.. are YOU ready for this hairdew ladies? Can we bring back junior-high ponytails wound so tight it would make anybody look slightly Asian? We can even go crazy like I Dream of Jeannie and add our own little twist to it (NPI-NO PUN INTENDED) COME ON LADEEZ!

I also loved the intense eye makeup. A little Siouxsie-esque, no? Anyway, once you decide if you want to try this new ‘do with me you let me know. I have to warn you though.. I might already be on expert level by then and possessing a blackbelt in a ponytail magic.

GULP.

If you want to read more about my thoughts on the Jeremy Scott show, please take a lurk at The Lipstick Diaries!

JS photos via Elle.com

Remember that sexy one night stand you had? You met somebody who turned you on and turned you out like no other? Anyone that came before or after that night never stood a chance. You parted ways the next day, but they were always on your mind? Well, it happened to me too.

Yes, that’s right I’m talking about this GHD FLAT IRON!!!! I borrowed Leyla’s ghd hair straightener one night and FELL IN LOVE. Now my hair may be long, luxurious, Crystal Gayle status, but sadly it isn’t the same poker-straight Asian hair it used to be. I needed something good. Something different. Also, I am usually in a rush and finding a flat iron that gets all of my hair straightened in less than ten minutes is a dream! The ghd runs around $200+ bones so I don’t see my dream lover and I reuniting anytime in the near future. WAH! I will have to just keep yearning for its tender touch. And continue brushing my hair one thousand times each night. ghd, sweet prince! Won’t you gimme some love!!!!

What’s more badass than a movie featuring a young Diane Lane fronting an all-girl punk band? Not much…besides the makeup and clothes the girls wear in the film. Once you are done with the sequin masks and jeweled lips, why not keep surrendering to the dramatic makeup cravings and go for a ‘lil 80′s rock n’ roll glamour?

Those close to me are *privileged* to know AND EXPERIENCE how much I love to wear tights and panties just to lounge around…if only we could walk around in public however we gawtdamn please. Los Gagaz does it and everyone gets their own panties twisted! Maybe she’s just taking Stains-style to the next lev.

They even worked it right and wore panties OVER tights (helps keep them up of course)

CROTCHVISION

So what say you? Halloween costume? or maybe even a flash mob type of situation?!?!? Let me know if you want to organize a synchronized dance and we can all be Youtube stars. You know I’m always down.

Fabulous Stains by Agent Lover featuring Red Herring tops

The Stains – Waste of Time
The Stains – Professionals

My new band crush is Marina and The Diamonds, which is actually just this one sexy Welsh woman (she says WE are the diamonds btw.) I have been obsessively watching her video for “I Am Not a Robot” over and over for the past few hours…or maybe not….that’s just cray cray…right? Bitch ple you know you listen to the same song over and over in your car… and cry too…right? Anyone? EYE ROLL. ANYWAYS.

I love all of her makeup looks in the video, especially the jeweled lips and eyes!

Thanks to Marina, I am now I’m in the mood for some dramatic makeup. I haven’t worn any exciting eyeshadow in months… just my usual wingtip eyeliner. What happened to the wild weekday nights of yore when I didn’t think twice about getting dolled up in turquoise glittery eyeshadow, RuPaul-worthy lashes and my red Bozo lips? Am I too shy to sport a loud eye to go with my loud mouth? NO WAY! Did I lose my sense of makeup adventure? NEVER! Am I just one lazy mutha? Yeah, probably. One thing’s for sure,  it’s time to get crazy like the picture below, taken in 2007, when Reyna transformed my eyes into a sequin mask while we watched Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, and during which I fell soundly asleep. It was quite relaxing.

Time to hit the craft store ladies! Get bags of sparklies, take a deep breath and steady that sober hand! Let’s bedazzle our lips and eyes and maybe even the inside of our thighs and say “FUCK IT!!! I WANNA BE DRIPPING IN GEMS AND NO ONE’S GONNA STOP ME!!!!!!”

Emi spotted this umbrella and called me over to peep it while we were shopping in Shinjuku. JAWDROP. Is that an umbrelly made with glamorous acrylic nails????? Simply amazing beyond words. Craft proj, anyone?

AAHH I love it!!!

That’s the one thing we didn’t get to do in Tokyo: get our nails did. We looked into it though, and found a salon that was open ’til 4am. UM YES 4AM I SAYS. That means that shit is still open after bars close in L.A. What kind of dreamland is this Tokyo??? We were planning on going (late after karaoke!) but time and liquor flew and it was pretty pricey anyway. We estimated it would probably cost about $200 to get a sick set of nails done at the venue.$200 for something that lasts only a week or two? HALE 2 THA NO. But then our friend informed us they use special materials and these ferosh Tokyo nails would last a month or longer. REALLY? Kinda crazy.

Photo via La Carmina

Tokyo is the land of nail decor. You can find a smorgasbord of crazy nail decals and accessories anywhere you go. Naturally we stocked up, so you’ll be seeing what types of goodies we acquired in future blog posts!

HAYYY! Can you guess what movies the glamorous nails below are from? Whomever gets the most answers correct will win my favorite nail polish, one Strap Perfect (LOL but seriously why did I need like thirty of them? Don’t I need just one? It’s like trick or treat up in here– giving ‘em out like candy!), and one of my tacky corsages. Leave your answers in the comments! Hints: 1) some could be from the same movie, 2) movies I’ve talked about on here, 3) movies that I will talk about on here.

at about 1:15 BOO-YOW!!! (one of the best scenes ever that I impersonate for the past ten years of my life now)