Category — Ladyboners

I just did a fun interview with Rory at Awesome All Day where I talk about my ladyboner, Selenas, and what to do if your man is behind bars..you know, THE YOOJ. Go check it out!

Photo by Rick Mendoza

HEY LADIES!!! (deep voice) Summertime is just around the corner, can you feel the heat coming? I can. So it’s about that time we ask one of our Dear Menz to help us get a handle on all the hotties heading our way.

Jason Savvy is a moustachioed man of many hats. Not only is he an accordionist for LA’s own avant-garde 24-piece gypsy jazz band, Killsonic, a talented DJ, and a creator of international dance party night, Malabomba!, but he’s also a taco aficionado and the person to blame for my escalated taco obsession. Jason started the taco tally last year and I was the lucky cochina puta to present his 69th taco. (He’s on taco #92 for this year in case you are wondering.) The ladyboner-inducing Jack Kerouac quote posted on his myspace (“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars…” ) is the cherry on top because really, anybody who lives by a quote like that is a hottie boom-bawty bawty. Today Mr. Savvy offers us ladies some insight into the mad, mad world of our opposite sex…

What is something a woman can wear that makes her irresistible to you?

Apparently, based on my track record, a straightjacket.

Have you ever encountered a bad kisser? How do you deal with it if you like the person, but they are a bad maker-outer?

I have been lucky. I have never really encountered bad kissing, perhaps just average to mediocre lip-mashings. The way I deal with it is to remember, “Hey, this may not be the best make out sesh ever, but at least I am making out.” Before growing this moustache, I was an ace maker-outer, but then I decided to sacrifice comfort for style. This presented me with a conundrum. That is, the handlebar attracts significantly more attention from the ladies, but is also scratchy and coarse on their delicate faces once I have tricked them into making out with me using my dubious charms. I don’t even want to talk about how the handlebar curl is prone to trespassing into the nostril of the girl I’m kissing because that is just gross and embarrassing for everyone. Come to think of it, I hope to the sweet baby Jesus that no one has a bad kisser story about me because of this unfortunate tendency.

Photo by Jeff Savolainen

What is something you’ve always wanted to do with a significant other but haven’t had the chance to yet?

Ha. Stay together.

Three people you would want to play a good old-fashioned game of Spin the Bottle with?

1. Lenora Claire. I’m putting her on blast in a public forum now because I always do this when I see or speak to her anyhow. I just like to make her face turn red; what can I say? So yeah. I know this is almost too easy a choice – I mean, just look at her. But, I will go on record and state that I found her 1000 times more attractive once we had a few conversations. She is a dish and a catch through and through. Finally, a major part of the reason I choose her is that the hypothetical fantasy land you suggest would likely be the only place we could ever make out or spend Seven Minutes in Heaven anyhow since she’s practically my sister now. Ew. Thanks, Marie.

2. Annie Sprinkle. When I was a virgin, I considered proposing to her that I offer her up my virginity. I didn’t want it anymore, and I figured who else deserved it more than she? She is a sex-positive heroine goddess extraordinaire and I reckoned it would be a fair trade given that I was a young and repressed tangle of frazzled virgin nerves. Now that those days are long past, I still think she is a good choice because I wouldn’t scare her off with my cochino ways.

3. You. Yeah, you, the girl reading this. Whoever you are, wherever you are. Let’s play spin the bottle. And when it’s over, you’re going to pass out from blissful exhaustion. Then, I’m going to put your underpants in the freezer and your hands in warm water while you’re sleeping. Don’t test me, I might TP your house. Not kidding – I’ll fucking do it.

Photo by Austin Young

Since you’re a DJ I have to ask you, what is on your Makeout Mix?

Just a few choice cuts from the vaults:
Lush – Last Night (Darkest Hour Mix)
David Lynch – Ghost of Love
Tricky – Overcome
Cure – New Day
Bjork – Pagan Poetry
April Stevens – Teach Me, Tiger
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Killing the Light
Autolux – Turnstyle Blues
Catherine Wheel – Black Metallic
DJ Shadow – Dark Days
Motorhead – Ace of Spades
Magnetic Fields – Let’s Pretend We’re Bunny Rabbits

I have also received reliable, peer-reviewed feedback from some field subjects that the monkeywrench sound labs winter mix tape I made is good for make-outs and consequent romantic gropings in the dark. (PS – you can download it here – just right click and ‘save as’)

Please give us your Top 3 Savvy dating tips.

Okay, just the tips…

Basic. Most important number one: Dinner and a movie is over. Who even goes on this kind of date? Go with your date somewhere that requires hopping a fence, trespassing, talking your way out of an arrest, or a scavenger hunt – it’s so much more fun. Or else picnic somewhere 10 stories up and go to a guerrilla drive-in later if you gotta eat and watch a film together. You see, in unique sets of circumstances I believe we are much more likely to experience and observe who we really are than in some mundane by-the-numbers interaction we’ve seen a million times in lame movies. (Unless you want your life to be like a lame movie, in which case you get what you deserve).

Intermediate. When you really like someone, make him/her a mix tape. I know, everyone burns CDs these days, but even burned CDs I make for friends I will call “mix tapes” until the day I die. Deal with it. Anyways, yes. A mix tape. Take your time with it. Carefully consider the narrative and emotional arc of the song choices and playlist order. Make art or drawings or a collage for the case. It should be a total statement. That is, personalize it as much as possible. This is a time-honored gesture that will leave a lasting impression and provide the listener with an artifact revealing a moment of emotional perfection that s/he can revisit in perpetuity. Though ultimately, this artifact will become indispensably important for you both to refer back to when things have gone horribly awry. Or maybe you get lucky and play it at your wedding.

Advanced. Be open to and aware of the vast spectrum of possibilities at hand when it comes to forming an attraction. I think it is too easy for most to view their habits, past, and patterns as archetypical of the only type of person they are into or their ideal romantic situation. I don’t think life, and especially not love, works that way. In short, I too often see people overlook potential partners or situations that don’t fit into a specific pre-defined category, history, or expectation. Love doesn’t give a damn who you tend to be attaracted to (i.e. your “type”), or what kind of relationship you are looking for. Love is as arbitrary as it is specific. It can proliferate over time, it can strike at random, it is capable of anything. Love is chaotic – it laughs at our plans and our schemes. Sometimes we luck out and it fits like a missing puzzle piece, and sometimes we are presented an opportunity that challenges us and the paradigms under which we lead our lives. In love, all things are possible. There are as many ways to love as there have been people on Earth since time began. We have a lot of options and a lot to learn, so open up…

Photo by Leora Saul

And lastly, can straight guys genuinely just be friends with girls or are they trying to get into their panties eventually?

I think sexual tension is impossible to avoid – it’s just up to whomever is involved to decide how to manage it, ultimately. Notwithstanding, personal dynamics and chemistry also can shift, so it is also important to maintain awareness and flexibility lest two friends miss a mutually rewarding opportunity to date. My life experience has shown that the traditional hetero paradigm that “guys only want one thing” has been turned on its freakin’ ear anyway. That is, I have come to find that almost everyone is constantly trying to get in everyone else’s pants anyhow, so what’s the point in pretending it’s one-way? Girls and boys both are all just raging, sexually aggressive hormone bombs 95% of the time. I should state, for the record, that I am in full support of this trend. But, I also support maturity and healthy boundaries, so I personally tend to err on the side of prudence and restraint in my friendships with girls. In short, yes they can just be friends. At least I can. Then again, most straight guys would not want me as their spokesperson. That said, I also believe in breaking my own rules as much as I believe in following them.

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You can find him spinning sexy tunes every 1st and 3rd Thursday of each month at Club Malabomba at the Bordello in downtown LA!

Related Posts:

+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Michael Ian Black
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Donny Vomit
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Chase Lisbon
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Futurecop!

Recently I had to notify my fellow Twilight nerd girlfriends to let them know Rob Pat ~EDWARD~ is no longer my number one, and Jackson Rathboner ~JASPER~ is now my new favorite fanged flame. This comes to no surprise because I like to keep my fictional crush options open. Like when I moved from Jordan to Joey, Vinnie to Doogie (WHAT) Cory to Shawn (actually that was the other way around) and finally, Seth to Ryan.

He so fine bo. He reminds me of the surfer boys I had crushes on in junior high. And also Julian Casablancas for some reason!? Anyway, he making my ladyboner atten-hut!

Also related, I came across these gold fangz grillz when I was Googlin’ for my stu Grillz Cheese photoshop joke. Da hale? I love ‘em.

And I finally ordered my Edward Munster shirt.

I loooove reading how the WTForks Girls indulge in Twilight mania. Now I can regret ever feeling embarrassed by this:

or this

And yes, I will have some ~JASPER~ masks and Gchat Twilight roleplay in time for the sequel.

Confesh: I have been thinking about Justin Timberlake a lot lately because the other day I found a picture of me with short hair and glasses kissing a poster of him in Vegas WHERE I SAW HIM IN CONCERT (2003). Thank you. Ain’t no shame in my game EVER. Then Gilda posted that one SNL single ladies video (did you just barely see dat m’lady?) This all has resulted in a desire for some new sexy JT tunes. He’s close to perfection because #1: He funny, #2: He FUINE #3: He got flava for a white boy #4: He can sing AND dance #5: HE FUNNY!!! And now he is wearing glasses. SAY WAAT. You know every time there is a pair of Clark Kent spectacles around a panty drops (mine.) WTF is he doing to me?! My ladyboner is thru the roof. I’m hyperventilating right now. Then I come across this new Ciara video featuring the one and only:

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I’m on the floor now. My bra magically flew off Zapped-style. I don’t know what happened to me but please, enjoy yourself if you feel me on this. Also have you peeped his William Rast line? Since I don’t wear pants I don’t see anything Rie-Rie-ish in his lady line (it’s all jeanz) but I do love this GIANT BELT:

However I’m not feeling camel toe brown. I wish it were white instead so it could look like a straightjacket on my waist. Okay one more:

I wonder what kind of texter he is. Is he an ALL CAPPER, does he LOL, is he quick, bad grammar? No punctuation!?? Does he text stories of life or keep it short and sweet? I imagine he drops the good shit like LL Cool J Lyrics and doesn’t miss a beat with a dirty pun. Thoughts?

I’m sure many of you have seen the trailer for 500 Days of Summer but I am about to post it again for three reasons: a lil shout out to my friend Melissa who is a big Zooey fan, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is delishis (my ladyboner is like, sound the fogHORN) and sorry but I love that part in the elevator with The Smiths, OK? BTW, Don’t trust a boy who hates The Smiths/Morrissey. Just a little study I’m doing…

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BAD BAD BOYS COME WITH ME COME WITH ME <—OMG PLZ CLICK IMMEDIATELY IN A NEW TAB FOR SOUNDTRACK TO THIS POST

I hope this movie is super cute and not like a Garden State or something where we all end up annoyed after a while. In other news, a piece of Morrissey’s shirt is inside my wallet right now. I think I’m going to roll it into a j and smoke it for good luck. J’playin’! It will end up in my locket.

I’m gonna watch Ten Things I Hate About Chu tonight. On VHS.

The existence of:

Thank you,

Marie

To start off a sexy weekend, let’s look at these behind-the-scenes pictures of ol’ CHUCKY BASS aka Ed Westwick modeling for K-Swiss, brought to me via my friend Melissa, via NY Mag, via Just Jared.

I haven’t thought about K-Swiss since the eighth grade when they were sported by cholos and hip-hop heads. It’s straight preppy gangsta if you ask me…PERFECT FOR CHUCK BA$$ and his clean-cut bad boy swagger. Look at him all Miami Vice with no socks. Work it Crockett and Tubbs, work that shit. I’d want to get his shoes all dirty. Shoooot. COME TO MOMMA.

OH HEY SEXY!! I am so obvious with my ‘fetishes.’

* Thanks to Leyla for the Monday eye candy! xo

I know. I know. I still have to write about the crazy 40 HOURS IN NYC I had this past weekend but I’ve been too busy RAGIN’ with my girl friends. We have separation anxiety. I still haven’t even unpacked yet! HOWEVA, I just wanted to lurk at this hot piece of manmeat with you.

My ladyboner doesn’t usually go full effect for Josh Hartnett but put a ‘lil Clark Kent spectacles on a man and I go GA-GA BANANA. I’d be prowlin’ in the back like those bitches too. Josh Hardonett. HELLO.

Welcome to the second edition of “Dear Menz” where I ask the menz a variety of penetrating questions to help us ladies find the thugz of our dreams…

Not only is Coney Island awesome because it is The Warriors‘ home turf, but because it’s where you can find Donny Vomit, from Coney Island’s Sideshows by the Seashore. He first aroused my ladyboner during a visit to the sideshow in 2006. Donny was nice enough to take time from juggling chainsaws and hammering nails into his face to let us have a peek into his fascinating man brain. I am also proud to say I resisted any potential urges to drop a sword-swallower pickup line during this interrogation. I’m sure he’s heard them all!

What kind of date would you take a girl on if you were broke?

Just hit the town in Coney. Grab a dog at Nathans Hotdogs, hit the arcades and have our fortunes told by Grandma the antique fortune teller machine. Talk some roustabouts into rides on the Wonder Wheel and the Cyclone. Go for a swim out on the beach. Then grab a beer back at our bar at the sideshow.

How freaky can a sideshow freak get in the sack?

Whips, chains, straitjackets, swords and beds of nails are all floating around my room, but when it comes to the end of the day sometimes you want to leave the tools of the trade behind and enjoy what draws most into the sideshow in the first place. The exploration of something new and exciting.

What shouldn’t a girl do to get a guy’s attention?

Do not, I repeat DO NOT carve a man’s name into your chest flesh, especially when he doesn’t know your name.

Give me that one Missed Connections Craigslist ad you wish you had posted.

Oh subway accordion girl, where did you go? We could have ran away and started our own circus on some tropical beach. If you ever make your way back to New York just jump on a train to the end of the world in Coney Island where your carny boy will be waiting.

What’s your stance on pubes? Bald as a basketball or big ol’ jungle bush?

Keep it short, keep it clean. My mustache doesn’t like competition.

Who is in your dream threesome?

The Hilton sisters, not Paris and Nicky but the original Hilton sisters, Daisy and Violet.

What is the number one dealmaker when you are out on a date?

A girl has to enjoy a rollercoaster, and not be too disturbed by a man who found a way to make a living picking his nose.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve gotten laid?

In the ocean.

Thank you Donny for being the second Menz to graciously answer my puzzling and perverted queries! And friends, if you are ever in Coney Island, stop by Sideshows by the Seashore to say hello to Donny and to be entertained!

Also, If you missed the first edition of Dear Menz with Michael Ian Black you can catch it here.

[Donny V Photo by David Sacks]