Two Word Movie Review: Sucker Punch

I suggest that when you finally decide to watch this movie (on Netflix four months from now or on TBS three years later), put it on mute and enjoy the view, because it is exactly what you’d imagine if all the Legs Avenue Halloween costumes were given an action film. I swear I didn’t expect much. You know I am a simple man of simple pleasures. Hot ladies in glittering thigh highs kicking ass is all I thought I’d need! But if an E! reality show has more of an intriguing plot…well that can kill anyone’s boner!

Also, If Jean-Luc Godard said that “All you need for a movie is a gun and a girl”, then Sucker Punch is the Calvin sticker that just peed all over that quote.

Edit: A little bit later, I thought of this review in the shower and posted it on Twitter:

20 comments

1 Karlito { 03.27.11 at 4:19 pm }

Haha, yup, Legs Avenue all the way! But did you see those suits the evil doods got to wear? UGH this High Roller wants them so badly!

2 marie { 03.27.11 at 4:22 pm }

Hahaha! Honestly I love a slutty nautical outfit…but when that final costume came out with the rhinestones all over it?? I LAUGHED OUT LOUD SO HARD. I think I was just delusional and tired of watching the movie at that point

3 diana { 03.27.11 at 6:27 pm }

Legs Avenue Story Time: My first year at college, my friend and I weren’t sure about where to go costume shopping (new city, etc) and we ended up at a place called “Dare To Wear”. Yup, i’m pretty sure it’s a stripper store. Anyway, I tried on one of those stripper dorothy costumes and have never felt more awkwardly proportioned than I did when I tried that on. My boobs were way too small, my torso was like, too thick, and the skirt didn’t even cover half my bottom. I felt like some sort of awkward version of a Barbie trying to squeeze into regular Barbie’s clothes. This ramble led me to two conclusions:
1. I should go back to Dare To Wear, they might actually have pretty fabulous and ridiculous boots and heels
2. Sucker Punch might give me PTSD flashbacks to that day. No Quiero.

4 jesika { 03.27.11 at 10:16 pm }

i saw the trailer and was lolin at how ridiculous it was… but part of me wanted to see it because… girls… and guns… and a dragon or something. i often have the movie taste of a 13 year old boy. but the reviews coming out are so terrible that it sounds like its not even worth it for looks alone!! is it really that much of a steaming crappile?
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5 Coco { 03.28.11 at 1:16 pm }

I haven’t even seen the trailer for this, just the poster was enough to have me sobbing into a tub of Ben & Jerrys that I too could not be that slutty and violent :(
xo
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6 Sarah { 03.28.11 at 2:07 pm }

Yes! The plot totally ruined it haha, but I loved the outfits/hair/makeup/ass kicking.

7 Elza { 03.28.11 at 2:28 pm }

this is pretty much the best movie review I’ve ever read. In fact, I’ve just read it out-loud to the whole bar. Its only 4pm.
I bet being/ making in a movie like this is way more fun than watching them.
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8 Marshall { 03.28.11 at 8:06 pm }

So should I see it or not? Part of me really wanted to see it, because it looked terrible, but is it too terrible to be worth seeing? Is it like being at an annoying Halloween party where all the girls dressed like sluts and think they’re sexier than they are?
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9 Tanya { 03.28.11 at 8:38 pm }

Best review. Ever. I was ambivalent about seeing it, but now you’ve cemented it: I’m definitely NOT seeing it. Thanks for saving me some money!

10 Fae { 03.29.11 at 10:51 am }

“If Jean-Luc Godard said that “All you need for a movie is a gun and a girl”, then Sucker Punch is the Calvin sticker that just peed all over that quote.”

Best possible review of this movie. Period.

I kinda thought it would be so-bad-it’s-good, but… it was just BAD. Even my Emily B ladyboner couldn’t keep me entertained. :/

11 marie { 03.29.11 at 10:58 pm }

Ahhh…I understand JUST where you are coming from. I have TWO Legs Avenue costumes from a stripper store in Simi Valley, which was the only reason I went to Simi Valley. A sexy cop and a sexy Alice!! The weird thing was the sexy cop came with real Raybans….???

12 marie { 03.29.11 at 10:59 pm }

It IS shit. But it’s pretty! Maybe wait til it comes to the $2 theatre.

13 marie { 03.29.11 at 11:00 pm }

HEY COCO. Do not give up. One of these days you might step out of your house in a leather g-string, crocheted halter top and kick your mailman in the face for no reason. I won’t judge you.

14 marie { 03.29.11 at 11:03 pm }

But what was up with Carla Gugino’s mole? Also, why is Carla Gugino in every movie all the time?

15 marie { 03.29.11 at 11:03 pm }

hehe Thanks Elza!!!!

16 marie { 03.29.11 at 11:04 pm }

You should see it because the chicks are hot and the action scenes are pretty. (this is my dude bro mano 2 mano voice talking to you) but don’t pay full price. Matinee perhaps… also sorry I missed you !

17 marie { 03.29.11 at 11:04 pm }

No probs! TBS in three years gurl!

18 marie { 03.29.11 at 11:06 pm }

hehe thanks!! I also thought of this review after.. http://twitter.com/#!/agentlover/status/52246091831312385

I thought she was really sexy though!

19 Fae { 03.31.11 at 6:51 am }

hahaha, you speak the truth.

20 Coco { 04.07.11 at 3:17 am }

Oh god I hope so. MAYBE TOMORROW!
xo
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