toptenlifetime

Ever since I saw Switched At Birth starring Bonnie Bedelia when I was a preteen, I have enjoyed the cinematic works of art known as Lifetime Original Movies (aka LOMs.) I know many of you feel the same way so I figured a discussion of our favorite LOMs would ignite more passion in our bloglationship. Today I am sharing with you my Top Ten Favorite Lifetime Original Movies with a surprise giveaway at the end! (the blog equivalent to me coming out in a black negligee.) With the hundreds of Lifetime movies out there, you would think it would be impossible to narrow them down to a measly ten, but I did it! Most of my favorites are from the nineties, since I have been sadly underwhelmed by many of the recent ones. The Craigslist Killer was terrible! Amish Grace? Horrible! However there are a couple of newer ones that put a ‘lil sparkle in my eye…SHALL WE BEGIN?

Nora Roberts Lifetime

The Nora Roberts movies

These four movies, based on stories from romance novelist Nora Roberts, played for a month sometime in 2009. I was lucky (anti-social) enough to catch Tribute (RIP Brittany) and Midnight Bayou and enjoyed the mix of romance , suspense, and the supernatural. I still have to watch the other two but surely I won’t be disappointed. Also FYI the one with Leann Rimes and that hot dimples dude is how they started having an IRL affair! Not like anyone cares or anything.

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Sins of the Mind

I am pretty sure nobody besides me saw Sins of The Mind. I couldn’t even find a better picture of it than the one above, that’s how obscure this is. This movie has seriously fucked me up for the past ten years. It’s about a girl who gets into a car accident and suffers trauma to the brain, particularly the nerve that controls impulses. Basically she becomes what many of us only dream to be: a big ol’ whore. She can’t resist any of her urges, which of course are mostly sexual. During a trip to London in 2002, I was walking across the Thames River and told Shaun I was afraid my impulse gland was broken like in Sins Of The Mind and I might jump into the water. I’m sure that paranoia was triggered by exhaustion and jetlag and not by me being cray.

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She’s Too Young

This is another newer one I enjoyed because it’s about a bunch of teenagers getting syphilis. What is there more to say? Marcia Gay Harden is very angry in this movie.

Twisted Desire

Twisted Desire

There was a time in the 90’s when all of our favorite goody-two-shoes sitcom stars were in Lifetime movies. This one had Clarissa Explains It All’s Melissa Joan Hart seducing Jeremy “Right Kind of Love” Jordan into murdering her parents! What a bitch.

Friends Til The End

Friends Til The End

Shannen Doherty stars as a girl in a band who becomes the victim of a single white female. This was basically an extra-long episode of 90210. A memorable scene was when the band shot their music video in the desert. Lots of 90’s camera angles.

Mother May I Sleep With Danger

Mother May I Sleep With Danger?

First of all, this wins the award for best title of a movie ever made. Donna Martin, sporting an extreme bob, is romanced by butt-chinned 90’s hunk Ivan Sergei. In no time, his affection turns into obsession and he traps her in a log cabin. The Wikipedia description says all you need to know: “Laurel (Spelling) discovers that her new boyfriend Kevin (Sergei) is a serial killer, and must escape the mountain cabin in which he is holding her captive by paddling down a river in a canoe at dusk.”

noonewouldtell

No One Would Tell

Another one starring a couple of our favorite child actors, Kevin Arnold aka my first love, Fred Savage, is a possessive asshole who beats up and eventually murders his girlfriend played by D.J. Tanner! UGH SO GOOD. What would you do if I sang outta tune?

She Fought Alone

She Fought Alone

Do you guys remember when Brian Austin Green (BAG) and Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (TAT) were in hyphen-named puppy love? Tiffani even got a green heart tattooed on her back during this time.  Anyway, she plays a bad girl who gets raped by the friend of BAG’s character and nobody believes her.

A Killer Among Friends

A Killer Among Friends

Another LOM starring Tiffani Amber, I liked this one so much I had taped it on VHS.  TAT plays a cute popular girl who gets murdered down by the river by her jealous friends. I remember the murder scene looked super fake because they used what looked like a blow-up doll. The ringleader of the friends actually moves into TAT’s mom’s (played by Patty Duke!) house after the murder like a creepy ass bitch. Years pass until one of the friends confesses. Still not sure why I liked watching this one over and over. I must be the real creep!

Death of a Cheerleader

And finally…the #1 LOM: Death of a Cheerleader!

Was this too obvious!? There are countless elements that make this LOM #1 on my list. Kellie Martin plays Angela, a nice high school girl who wants nothing more to be perfect and popular. She watches in envy as queen bee Stacy Lockwood (perfect bitch name) one-ups her in all teen territories, from having the coolest skiing outfit to making the cheerleading squad. Even though Angela is smart, well-liked and part of the Larks (a sorority-type clique at the school), she still can’t accept Stacy Lockwood always being one step ahead of her. One fateful day, Stacy calls Angela a weirdo and Angela stabs her! At first the murder is blamed on the class goth and Angela begins to reap the benefits of being Miss Popular… until her Catholic guilt takes over and she confesses to the murder.

Death of a Cheerleader

Let me write you a list of why Death of A Cheerleader is my favorite Lifetime movie ever.

  • Donna Martin is a snotty ass bitch!
  • The fashion mostly consists of chambray, knotted pearls, and gold Jesus crosses.
  • There is a strong Catholic theme throughout the whole movie. SO MUCH GUILT
  • There is a “taking odd jobs to make enough money to go to the ski trip” montage of Angela – you know how I love montages!
  • Cameos include: Valerie Harper as the mom, JOHN LOCKE as the principal, and Uncle Phil Banks from Fresh Prince!

Death of a Cheerleader

I hate you Stacy Lockwood!!

And now for my revealing negligee…

Death of a Cheerleader

I AM GIVING AWAY A COPY OF DEATH OF A CHEERLEADER! Not the one above since that was my Netflix copy but I have a brand new one for you all the way from Ebay! Let’s hope it’s not bootleg. Actually if it is, it will make this whole thing even better! To enter, make up your own Lifetime Original Movie and leave it as a comment below. I want a sweet title, a short plot summary and throw in some actors too if you want! Make me laugh, make me gasp, make me shed a tear! The most original and entertaining idea wins!

PS. I will be uploading more LOM screencaps to my Tumblr, including another favorite aspect of them…the shitty looking opening title sequences!