Perfect Bangs Forever

wanda

BEST BLONDE BANGS AWARD: Wanda Woodward

During our blog courtship many of you have asked me about my bangs. How do I get them so straight? Did I give up my firstborn to get such perfect bangs? Well first I must tell you a little about my personal history with bangs aka fringe. Like many little girls, Baby Rie Rie sported bangs as a youngin’…

baby rie with crooked bangs
CROOKED BANGS?! AWW Mama why you gotta play me like dat?!

Through the years, I’d grow them out, but they’d make brief appearances from time to time until fully committing to to my forehead in 2004. My favorite era of bangs was 2005-2006. Look at these photos…those bangs are too fresh. IF I MAY SO SO MESELF. Alas, at my side is my BANGS RIVAL at the time, my boo Nicki.

2005bestbangs

Since then Nicki has distanced herself from the Society of Bangs with a butch do’ but I wistfully hope for her return to us in the future. I mean please. Look at these bangs. Way better than mine. Come back to reclaim your throne, NICOLE!

nicki

There was a time when a CERTAIN SOMEBODY convinced me to grow out my bangs and I followed suit for one year (2006-2007 aka The Dark Age). Someday I will chronicle that very lonely time in a novel titled A Year Without Bangs. This blog was being created during that year which is why my Paperdoll has no bangs, but do not fret! That shall be fixed.

So you might be asking yourself, “Are bangs for me?” That’s a question only you and your loved ones (and forehead) can really answer. If you decide to follow the path of Bangs, I am here to guide you through the training and maintenance that I feel is required for this way of life.

Masuimi
Masuimi Max, another great bangs icon even though this may be a wig lol

You might be wondering what bangs length and style are good for you. Short or long, straight-across or whispy. Personally I like to go short (baby bangs) or super straight with them ending right on top of my eyebrows. Everyone has their own personal ‘bangs-to-eyebrow-ratio’ that is ideal for them. So today I present to you, The Seven Golden Rules of Bangs. I hope they bring you the strength and clarity one must need as a member of the Bangs Society.

Remember, I am here for you my sisters.

bangsrule1

SOMEONE I know once cut their bangs with craft scissors and called me for help. I very well know desperate times can call for desperate measures but this is NOT one of those times. You can get a decent pair for about $10 at the beauty supply store or even CVS. Every Bangs Girl must always have a good pair of scissors in her possession. NO EXCUSE!

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I know, I know. You’re running late for a date, a show or a seance and those bangs need a trim. I’m sorry Boo, but you’re going to have to put that shit on hold because YOU CANNOT FUCK WITH PRECIOUS BANGS TIME. This is fine art you are about to engage in. Did Da Vinci rush when he painted the Mona Lisa? I don’t think so. ::Googles it:: NO. So hang a “DO NOT DISTURB: BANGS TRIM IN SESSION” sign on the doorknob, light some candles and put on some tunes to serve as your soundtrack to this surgery. I like a bit of 80′s… maybe New Order. Something romantic, mid-tempo and non-distracting. Perhaps even General Public’s “Tenderness.” CAN’T GO WRONG WITH THAT ONE.

bangs3
EASE IN DERE SON. Start by cutting little by little. I cannot stress this enough. Tie back your weave in a banana clip and comb them suckers down. Make sure they are clean and without product. I find them easier to cut dry rather than damp, that way they won’t shrink up and come out uneven. When you go in for the kill, comb..then cut. LITTLE BY LITTLE! Even those who have years of experience cannot expect to go in like they are Edward Scissorhands. I have been known to do that in the past and ended up with what I call “70′s Satanic Schoolgirl bangs.” Of course that sounds delicious but trust me, you don’t want this shit crooked. OR DO YOU? In that case my words MEAN NOTHING TO YOU. GET OUT!

bangs4
In the 2005′s, there was an epidemic that hit my crew called Bangorexia. Bangorexia resulted from the immense desire for perfectly even bangs. Some of us went overboard trying to reach this level of perfection and ended up with hideously barren foreheads! This extreme length is not for the faint of heart so always be alert when you are in a session.

bangs5
You NEVER know what might happen when you are on the field. Wind, rain, makeout sessions. Now that you are card-carrying member of the Bangs Society you better be representing us well at all times. What does this mean? Carry a bangs comb! You can find one for 99 cents! Not one of those short black LICE combs. Scurry! Those give me the coyote shivers. Mary Van Note has a switchblade comb… SIDEBAR WHY DON’T I HAVE ONE MYSELF YET? My favorite bangs comb right now is all gold and VERY BOLD. I also have a pink kids comb with the Marie cat from The Aristocats and many more in my inventory, THANK YOU.

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I spray my bangs down with a little hairspray so they don’t get out of place. Reyna taught me this late in my bangs game. If I could tell 24-year old Rie-Rie what I know now, I’d say “Listen b, you better cement that shit down because you are going to be dancing to “Common People” at Bang tonight and you are going to look like a SWEATY HOT MESS.” Also, blow-dry them DOWN and very hot if you are a newbie and need to train your bangs to stop parting. And if I want them more full/Bettie Page looking, I blow-dry the sides of them which plumps up the middle. If I’m sporting my bangs on the longer side, I flat iron them so they are super straight.

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Finally, if you are going to have bang game you better have eyebrow game to match! Nothing makes me feel more in tune with the Universe than when I have a fresh bang cut and a newly waxed brow. That combo is UNSTOPPABLE. Like Crockett and Tubbs, Cagney and Lacey and Grey Goose and grenadine!

Remember ladies, the path to Perfect Bangs can be discovered once you harness The Power. Like with many other things in life, practice makes perfect. Just believe in yourself and I know you too will reach Bangs Nirvana.

your one and only
Photo by Miss Hearse

♥ I’d like to end this Bangs Bible Study by saluting some of my favorite fellow Fringe Sisters: Mary Van Note, Miss Hearse, Loulou Loves You, White Lightning, Mademoiselle Robot, Susie Bubble, I Liked Ginger, Vintage Vandalizm, SlackMistress and Queen Michelle…GREAT WORK LADIES! ♥

36 comments

1 corazones rojos { 06.14.10 at 10:11 pm }

Glad to know I follow all these rules. I’ve been in the bang club for almost 10 years! And I specifically remember having that exact conversation with myself regarding Bang (the dance club) and my bangs (the hair).

2 Nina the slackmistress { 06.14.10 at 10:18 pm }

I have a rule that I’m not allowed to trim my bangs if I’m home alone. It’s like being left with a tub of frosting. “Just a little more…”

Also that last picture? HUBBA HUBBA.

3 vanessa { 06.14.10 at 10:19 pm }

let me put in my twohead cents and say that I have severe bang-envy right now!

love this, and will be sitting here waiting for the next beauty list blog.

4 eli { 06.14.10 at 10:29 pm }

um best Agent Lover post ever?!

I think the trick to it is that practice makes perfect (if you do it yourself). Im back to my betty bangs myself cause I was feeling a little house on the prairie’ish when they grow out. Gosh once you have bangs its so hard to get rid of them!

5 melina bee { 06.14.10 at 11:03 pm }

I love this! thank you. I have a similar “seriously mom, wtf” bangs picture from grade school and was and and off for a while but now I’m back and a reborn bangs lover and enjoy going through all different kinds of bangs throughout the year. (troubles with commitment I guess) (I don’t cut my own though just because of too many incidents in the past; I do enjoy spending all the wonderful time with my bangs society hairdresser though.) Your bangs and subtle cats eye makeup are amazing. (did you use a shadow and use a brush to wing it out or is it a liner?)

6 Lauren G { 06.15.10 at 9:43 am }

what a great post! i wish i could trim my own bangs….you’re an inspiration!

7 birdie { 06.15.10 at 10:01 am }

BABY GOT BANGS! I’ve recently learned that hairspray isn’t just a fix for can bangs or the ever popular 90′s shield bangs (where you roll half of them up, and half of them down). This shizz works on your real hair!

8 Fajr | Stylish Thought { 06.15.10 at 10:02 am }

*King of Crybaby with a tear in my eye* had to sing that!
I had bangs once but there were of the faux kind. I don’t have the guts for real bangs. I’m not worthy!:)

9 star { 06.15.10 at 10:35 am }

Sadly, my bangs were defeated circa 2007, when they finally lost their long-faught battle with the COWLICK OF DOOM.

Perhaps one day they will rally for a rematch, with this article as their deadly secret weapon.

<3!

10 Mike Woodward { 06.15.10 at 10:44 am }

SHE BANGS>>>>SHE BANGS//////

11 Jessica { 06.15.10 at 10:52 am }

Tell it to my heart, tell my you’re the only one, tell me if its love or just a gaaame

Taylor Dayne is why I am not allowed to be in charge of my bang game anymore. girl had me looking like a monk for weeks!!!

I gotta get my homo husby to cut them for me, but I ain’t mad!!!

so glad the blog’s back up, I was getting heart palpitations!!

12 Jaci { 06.15.10 at 10:56 am }

This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me, I’m going to be getting bangs again tomorrow after being bangless for about 2 years now, woo!

13 Mace Elaine { 06.15.10 at 11:03 am }

Fantastic post, m’dear. I’ve been rocking the sideswepts for quite a long while now, but maybe it’s time to head straight forward.

14 Annie { 06.15.10 at 3:16 pm }

I might cry. I miss my bangs pretty hard right now. When you and I met they were wilted from the humidity but we had some good times. THEY’LL BE BACK. Thanks for holding the torch!

15 kathryn { 06.15.10 at 6:21 pm }

I’m so jealous. I have a combination of fine, wispy hair and cowlicks that make bangs impossible. Have been considering the clip in variety.

16 Mintii { 06.15.10 at 9:57 pm }

I really want bangs, but I have thick curly hair and I sweat a lot on my face. Are bangs doable for my hair and sweaty-ness?

17 Liz { 06.16.10 at 4:55 am }

I am way too much of a wimp to join the Bang Club, but that doesn’t stop me from admiring from afar. Like the kid in the back of Geography class who wrote poems about the nape of your neck and knew your schedule better than you did. Except I bathe and no restraining order is required.

What I am trying to say is that YOU ARE FABULOUS. SO THERE.

18 Kara { 06.16.10 at 5:20 am }

I love this! I have never been game enough to cut/style/trim my own fringe (Australian talk for BANGS :p) but I can still employ a lot of your tips… thanks – my fringe is going to be looking AWESOME 24/7! :D

19 Ellie Di { 06.16.10 at 7:12 am }

OMG I didn’t even notice, after all this time, that your paperdoll doesn’t have bangs! I think I just mentally inserted them because it’s physically impossible that it wouldn’t have them.

20 jesika { 06.16.10 at 10:44 pm }

omg baby rie rie is so adorable! i was also a member of the mom-cuts-my-bangs club but she also CURLED THEM UNDER with a curling iron which i hated beyond belief and scared me away from heat styling for like 15+ years.

21 jesika { 06.17.10 at 11:38 pm }

btw i just totally gave myself some 70s satanic schoolgirl bangs… thats how i roll though, with mai green hair and purple-black lipstick. i aint never gonna be as perfect as miss a.luv, so i just go all hot mess.

22 Michelle { 06.18.10 at 5:56 pm }

Ahh, I’ve been waiting on this for so long.

Been doing in wrong for like 12 years.

23 Helen { 06.19.10 at 6:44 am }

I refuse to ever be bang-less again. Ever.
(Though I don’t trust myself enough to cut them at home. Too much danger involved for sure.)

And to the cowlick girls above. You can have bangs!
I’ve got a big ol’ cowlick right in the front and I still have them. Mine are real thick and longish, and I blowdry them into shape, and I can safely report – no cowlick issues.

24 Tara { 06.19.10 at 11:40 pm }

I have been a member of the bangs club for about two years & have never had such RAD bangs advice, ever. You are the QUEEN OF BANGS/the badass Rizzo of the bangs club.

25 angelala { 06.20.10 at 10:22 am }

hey lady :D Loved the advice & tips. I’m always a bangs fan :) I myself am currently sporting the european ‘curved bangs’…it’s a new look, i’m kinda digging it. I also used to have the diagonal bangs in the late 90′s/early 00′s which was funky fresh & easier upkeep coz ya didn’t have to get dem straight ;p Yas. It’s fun to experiment and yes, i have ended up with micro bangs before…eep! ;p
Yr a bangs goddess dahling,mucho love & scissors xoxo

26 Vintage Vandalizm { 06.20.10 at 11:40 am }

awww thank you doll! <3 Your bangs are the shit so is your blog! Kisses from NY!

xo

27 Angela { 06.22.10 at 1:22 am }

I’ve always wanted straight bangs like this but it will never be because I have a major cowlick on my hair line. It’s off-center enough to allow me a small bit of side bang and that’s it :-( Majorly jealous.

28 Stephanie { 06.22.10 at 2:06 pm }

okay, I think I’ve fallen in love with you. not only if your bang post great (I certainly effed up mine in the last trim), I totally laughed out loud.

thanks, girl!

29 Lizzy Poo { 08.13.10 at 9:45 am }

Holy crap. Marry me please. I am going to follow this to the T ! I have great hair and bad ass potential for bangs. But, I can never get them right and the girls at the salon have screwed it up bad in the past. I have been contemplating quitting the bang game actually this week so this is like fate or something… I’m gonna give it another shot ;)

30 Vicki { 01.05.11 at 2:10 am }

goodness golly gracious, this was wildly entertaining! I think I want bangs now. And also that switchblade comb.
Vicki recently posted…HAPPY NEW YEARMy Profile

31 + & – — My Milk Glass Heart { 03.09.11 at 6:20 am }

[...] I had blunt ones for a few years but the maintenance on those are crucial. (Agent Lover has a great tutorial on blunt bangs.) I feel much more like myself again. Something just wasn’t right. Here’s a crap pic in [...]

32 lorellie { 08.17.11 at 2:08 am }

I have had a blunt fringe (sorry, I can’t bring myself to call them bangs!) for about 4 1/2 years now. I’ve always cut them myself, and am generally happy! Sometimes I get sick of them though, and one of my friends told me it looked like shit (he thought I was asleep), but nowadays I can’t imagine myself without them!

33 Roxanne { 02.02.12 at 12:22 pm }

Love this article. But i have a question. What do you do when you have a calic right at the middle of your part. I can never get it down and even with the rest of my bangs. If they are short blow drying and straightening doesnt always work. If they are long it is a little easier but i like to try to keep them short. The bangs you have in your sidebar picture are what i am dying for.

34 Sarada { 03.12.12 at 8:18 pm }

girll i keep reading this post over and over! i think you should do a post on my favorite blonde bang (besides wanda woodward) miss mosh she looks like a younger more cutesy version of tracy lord’s character and the bangs are kickin’! you so happen to be my best brunette bangs fyi they’re so perfect it hurts!

35 Lisa B. { 11.12.12 at 3:10 pm }

I’ve followed your blog for awhile and just wanted to let you know that you and Wanda Woodward inspired me to cut my bangs shorter again. We’d broken up for awhile, shorter bangs and I.

I was hiding behind super long bangs, mainly to hide my brows and my lack of self-confidence! After the great waif tweezing of 1992 (stupid Kate Moss and Calvin Klein inspirations), my brows have never been the same. Cousins maybe, not even sisters much less twins.

Thanks for helping me take the plunge again. Keep up the great work.

36 Amanda { 04.17.14 at 2:53 pm }

If only I had found this sage advice blog before I butchered my bangs yesterday. That aside, I wish we were friends, this is the best thing I’ve read in a while.

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