Madonna Inn Wonderland

babygirl

All photos by Robyn Von Swank, styled by yours truly.

princecharming

loveme

purpleurple

Wonderland

LOUNGIN'

Madonna Inn By Robyn Von Swank Oct 2008

Madonna Inn By Robyn Von Swank Oct 2008

Madonna Inn By Robyn Von Swank Oct 2008

Madonna Inn By Robyn Von Swank Oct 2008

Madonna Inn By Robyn Von Swank Oct 2008

October 17, 2008   No Comments

Heartchu Nude Spa

This past weekend, Leyla and I went to the Olympic Spa in Koreatown, which was something we had been wanting to do for a long time. We were gonna get RAW at the nude Korean SPA. After a summer of RAGIN’, eating crap, drinking some kind of alcohol every day, hatin’, and doing gawd knows what/who else to corrupt my body and mind, I felt like I needed to do a sort of detox and cut back on all this pollution. And what would be better than a spa trip to start?

Now, this shit is completely nude. There is no option for parading around in any kind of bikini unless it is an invisible one. You must let it all hang out. Since I plan on opening the Happy Panda Nude Colony for Senior Citizens later on in life, I didn’t have much concern with that. An owner of a nude colony is going to have to get used to these things, am I right??? Being naked is fun! Yay nude! Also, what’s that term I’ve always loved? Skyclad. Then I realized this would be while I was… SOBER. I didn’t think they served Grey Goose at the nude Korean spa, did they? How will I loosen up, so to speak??

THE HARRY POTTER TEA BAF. That’s how. There are three pools that you can hang out in before your appointment. A regular jacuzzi type one, a cold bath and a super hot Mugworts tea pool. It took a while for us to get into that one. I meditated and imagined I was in another place in time and somehow smoothly made it in. It is supposed to help with circulation, skin, digestion, menstruation… shoot, I guess it takes care of everything. Can it help with my credit card debt too?

Shortly after, we were both called to get our treatments. I lay my Harry Potter tea’d bod on a table covered in a fake Gucci print. What the? I loved it already. Then the lady went to town scrubbing EVERY SINGLE part of my body like I was a microwave dish getting molested by a Chore Boy. It took at least half an hour as she scrubbed away every person I have ever slept with. I felt so pure, so virginal, and with my eyes closed, I imagined I was a child bride being prepared for my wedding….I felt like I was in another country in another time. I was tripping for reals. After the scrub of life, I got a full body massage. And can I say, menz, if you make friends with one of these nice Korean ladies and have them school you on how to properly massage breasts, you will be golden, son. GOLDEN! FOR LIFE!

Afterwards, I felt completely out of it and dreamily met Leyla on the warm jade floor for a little nap time. But sleeping on the floor with a bunch of Asian ladies kept reminding me of that movie Brokedown Palace and I felt like I was in Thailand jail. Then it segued into Bridget Jones 2 so I really couldn’t fall asleep.

Later I ate red meat twice, and got tipsy at The Garter, danced some dirty hip-hop and was back to square one again. There goes my goddamn detox. What an asshole. On the serious tip, that spa was incredible. I still feel great. No wonder people get addicted and go often. I already want to go back! I remember having numerous vivid dreams that night. There was a lucid one where I was going for a run and it felt amazing. A RUN! I don’t run! WTF? When I woke up I wasn’t hungover either. I betchu anything it was that magical Harry Potter bath. Love you nude spa.

October 7, 2008   13 Comments

Underneath All Currents

GAWTHS

REYUMI & MAYUMI

My friends and I always forget we live so close to the ocean, which is ironic since we are completely obsessed with the monsters that live in it. It’s pretty much the perfect place to spend a lazy Sunday, exchanging good-natured mockery referencing the hazy night prior.

Bjork – “The Anchor Song”

September 21, 2008   9 Comments

Roidvision

I wish someone would invent a kind of machine that would scan Polaroids so you wouldn’t have to go through that whole ‘scan, crop, rotate, crop more, stand back, save as and repeat’ routine. Or maybe just a robot to do it. Or maybe I am just a lazy asshole. Anyway, I finally have the Polaroids from Madonna Inn uploaded and ready for viewing. The good ones at least.

Sequined Heaven

Swankalishis

I brought four Polaroids cams with me that weekend. My trusty Sun 660, which is the most common and simple out of all my cameras, yet it has also produced my favorite pictures. My Spectra, which didn’t get too much usage since I prefer shooting with it outside and playing with the filters. My Holgaroid, which is also best for outside use, and my SLR 680, which also unfortunately didn’t get too much play. It’s just so simple to grab the Sun 660 when there is complete chaos going on!

Let us peruse together shall we? Let me make you a mimosa…

Dizzy Von Damn! and Robyn Von Swank looking SEXY 4 U

pepper&robyn

Nikki!!

danger danger

and Nicki!

Wallflower

A couple of Miss Von Damn..

Tame Dame

Solarbabies.

This is a Polaroid that Shaun took of Joz and Dizzy Von Damn. So HOT!

The next morning, Shaun, Robyn and I went to the pool for a morning swim. The Holgaroid was perfect for it.

Majestic!

Magick in the WATER

Glorious!

Why HELLO THERE

On the way back home, I forced everyone to make a quick stop in Solvang, the land of mystical delight, so I could venture back to the store I like to call “Jody’s” but is really “the store that time forgot,” where I had found outdated 90′s clothing during the first trip. This time, Jody’s failed me and I was flabbergasted! I tried on a red and blue elastic-waisted jumper as well as a red and black shoulda-padded business suit number but no such luck. DAMN YOU JODY! I will do fifteen-hundred jumping jacks and come back to you my tacky, tacky Solvang love. So instead we had treats and Polas.

YAY! Welcome to Solvang!

Solvang, a Magical Place

So I have this idea (DON’T STEAL IT) of writing a script called “Solvang, Land of Wonder and Mystical Delight” in the key of my favorite show Wonderfalls. Basically it will be about a small tourist town where unexplained phenomena is experienced by one girl who lives there. Okay, so it really is just Wonderfalls part 2. Man, I miss that show.

Actually this show you are watching right now is called “Marie and a Giant Lollipop.”

So sweet

ICE CREAM IS GONNA SAVE THE DAY

Goodbye Sweet Solvang! Until we meet again…

Muscles – “Ice Cream”

August 11, 2008   7 Comments

Viva La Madonna

Me at Madonna Steak House

Me at the Madonna Inn Steakhouse. Photo by Robyn Von Swank

This past weekend the gang and I had our second Madonna Inn adventure…and it was QUITE a delight. My glorious friend, Robyn Von Swank, professionally shot us in a variety of looks and outfits. If you recall our first trip to the Madonna Inn was in February and we absolutely fell so in love with the hotel so we made it a goal to stay and shoot there as much as possible.

This time, we booked the Love Nest as well as the Old Fashioned Honeymoon Suite. I was already excited about the Love Nest from the pictures I saw online, but it didn’t do it any justice. When we stepped in I felt my heart explode. Everything I feel on the inside is materialized in that lil’ Love Nest. All that whimsical tackiness bubbling over in my guts was finally manifested!

There was a pink spiral staircase leading to a little scenic area where you can enjoy a view of the entire property through rainbow-tinted windows. In the morning when everyone was sleeping I tip-toed up there and peeked outside. It was so lovely. I just needed Tangina up there making me a cup of tea and it would have been perfect.

And now a few of my favorite shots…

Dizzy Von Damn and Robyn Von Swank switching roles.

Role switch

Mikkay and Mickay [Nikki P and Nicki H]

mikkay and mickay

Dizzy Von Damn! as Rollergirl

Rollergirl

Here is a sneak peek at some of Robyn’s photos from this weekend… I will be posting more as I get them! Thank you Robyn!

Comin’ to getchu

Watching you

The fabulous Shaun!

Burlesque Goddess Dizzy Von Damn!

My gal Nikki P of Danger Baby!

I also took a bunch of Polaroids and Holga shots at the Inn, as well as during our stop in the wonderful land of Solvang and will post ‘em in an entry soon enough!

Xo! [i really need to get one of those signature things, no?]

PS. Regarding some website stuff= We fixed the navigation on the bottom of the site so you should be able to clearly view past entries now! Also, I added my lurky links to the About page! Let’s be BFFs!

August 8, 2008   4 Comments

Bookworms and Bitches

I purchased a pair of GIGANTIC cat-eye glasses from the party store a couple weeks ago because gigantic things are hilarious so when my bff came over today we had an impromptu photoshoot using one of the most embarrassing books in my collection [NOT Twilight].

Attraction Principle # 29

In other news I am going to one of my favorite places in the world this weekend so expect tons of photos and maybe even some quality time when I return.

Smooches!

July 31, 2008   1 Comment

A Night In A Castle

My friends Tricia and Logan had a birthday party in a beautiful castle up in the Hollywood Hills and I took a few polaroids…

The birthday girl, one of my favorite people in the universe, Miss Tricia T-rex.

birthday baby

Mermaids! My bffs decided to jump in the pool in their dresses. I loved that! Sadly I watched from the sidelines since I can’t swim…

mermaids

pretty ladies in the water

As for my outfit I had to get creative again without spending too much dough, so I wore an old Armani Exchange dress, added a black crinoline skirt, a white belt and a red cocktail hat that I got from a flea market.

troubelita

Another fun filled weekend with the ladies. Can you believe summer is already halfway over? :(

July 29, 2008   No Comments

Lenora Claire’s Birthday at Houdini Mansion

This past Friday the 13th, I went to the Houdini Mansion in Hollywood to celebrate my favorite redhead Lenora Claire’s birthday! Like all of her events, the Scarlet Woman of the Apocalipstick’s soirée was anything but ordinary, as there were monkeys, butts, a moon bounce, fire eaters and Larry Birkhead. The supposedly haunted [yay!] property was beautiful, but easy to get lost in when you are fueled by vodka and without a flashlight. I wish I had my giant MAGNUM with me. Surprisingly, I did not trip and roll down the stairs like a big wheel of cheddar cheese. Those Target heels are like secret agent party girl weapons! If I can survive walking around Houdini Mansion in those, every girl should have a pair.

Shaun and Reyna with Lenora the Birthday girl…

shaun lenora reyna

Since I am being mindful of my spending habits lately, I knew I wasn’t able to get a dress made or spend much on a fabulous new outfit. I decided instead to revamp something I already had.

I took a great black and white striped cotton dress I bought a year ago from TJ Maxx, shortened it to a whorish hem, added a red crinoline skirt I bought at the garment district underneath, a corset-looking belt I got in downtown Ventucky, and had my bangin’ outfit! My only problem was it was a little pirate wrench-y and unlike every other freakin’ person in the world, pirates just ain’t my thang. [Unless it has to do with that Peter Pan movie Hook with Rufio.] I figured if I chose the right accessories I could possibly subdue that pirate look a little.

Nora, me, and Reyna…

nora me reyna

Taking some feathers, a regular black headband, more feathers, a flower hair barrette with a fake bird in it and a glue gun, I managed to construct an easy-to-do French whore headdress ! That my friend, is my first example of “Crafts for the Lazy Crafter”, which will be my new column on this blog. That shit seriously took me five minutes. You can see it pretty well in this picture with my sexy friend Jason Savvy.

Mr Savvy and I

Amazingly, I came out of the party with nary a scratch on my headdress. I must be reaching some new levels of my super powers, people.

All in all it was a good evening and I was happy with my quickly put together party outfit, and people were nice enough to let me know they liked it too. Is it time for me to pitch a ‘stylist on a budget’ television show called…It Costs Cheap to Look….This Cheap ?

I was born with the name like a French Whore

June 18, 2008   7 Comments

The Wayward Adventures of Cochina Puta

Last weekend it was my bff Reyna’s birthday and we spent it running around downtown LA and partying at the Biltmore Hotel, where we celebrated my last birthday as well. The Biltmore Hotel is a majestic place, and is supposedly where the Black Dahlia was last seen. I love old hotels! The smell! The architecture! The chance that some ghost might touch my boob in the middle of the night! It is grand…

Now let us get to this picture heavy post…

Birthday Girl!

Lampshades make great accessories..

The creepy Biltmore pool…a scene from Cruel Intentions was filmed there, FYI hello SEBASTIAN…

Me, Reyna and Casey before Reyna’s party. You got a secretary, a 60′s prom queen and a flapper right here!

The Shaun looking very stylish, as always..

When at the Biltmore, Reyna and I have a tradition of dressing up identically and taking pictures in the hotel hallway, much like an ode to the creepy Shining Twins, but drunk.

From last time:

we will be doing this again in tminus two weeks

And this time [which are way worse]:

Even Liberace had in on the hijinks!! What would you do if he was your conscience…giving you advice on everyday scenarios? Man. I would want him on my right shoulder and PRINCE on my left…IMAGINE!

Reyna, me and miss MIKKAY!

Later that night/early morning, singing Danzig’s Shopping List in the bathtub, resulting in “enormous complaints” by neighboring guests according to hotel security. Woops!

And that concludes today’s episode of your favorite telenovela-variety show,Cochina Puta.

[PS. Excuse my lack of posting! I have seriously been too stressed out and busy to write lately, but hopefully I can cure that soon. :( ]

June 13, 2008   2 Comments

Global Warming Ruined My Tan

A couple weeks ago, Leyla and I went to glorious Palm Springs, CA with the expectation of returning with mocachino skin from lazing about by a pool all weekend. Southern California had been recently hit with heat waves so we figured the days spent trapped inside at our desks would pay off once we had a desert paradise at our fingertips. As luck would have it, that was the one weekend of not only May Grey skies, but rain, hail, and a fucking tornado ripping through parts of LA. When we got there, the rain had ceased but the temperature didn’t get much higher than 65 degrees, until the day we left, naturally, when it was over 80. Why I oughta…

Cosmo

However, our trip was very enjoyable because no matter what, there is always a glimmer of hope, a silver lining, an infallible remedy… BOOZE! Not to mention meeting up with some friends and enjoying delicious food [which might actually coerce me into finally doing some Yelp reviews]. Honestly, I can’t give any praise for the nightlife…if there really was any. I did like the bar at the Viceroy though and I loved Mister Parker’s clown paintings/swanky piano decor, although we only went to the Parker for brunch and didn’t experience the bar in motion.

One of the most disappointing things about Palm Springs was the lack of decent shopping. Since the area is known to be a haven for old folks, I thought for sure I would return with some good thrift store finds, but nooo! I’m thinking the treasure troves must be somewhere in the Coachella Valley though, and when I return to avenge my lost tan, I will avenge the thrift stores too. Luckily, there was the nearby Cabazon Outlets where I picked up my favorite new accessory … this white heart Marc Jacobs watch! HELLO.

Remember how I was on the hunt for the perfect vintage-style suit? The one I actually decided on was an Esther Williams brand, Minnie Mouse-type of suit, a red retro cut with white polka dots. I love this suit and was saddened to have only worn it for twenty minutes, until the clouds of doom came rolling in while we were attempting to tan. At least I will be able to wear it this weekend even though I will be at an indoor pool. Will I ever get a goddamn tan!?! I wanna be the filipino ‘Lil Kim! Anyway, Esther Williams was the perfect choice in the end. And it looks like Winona from Daddy Likey agrees!

Here we are enjoying our twenty-minute sunbathing session.

Enjoying croquet and the ironically beautiful weather at the Parker before we left…

At the Parker

First time eating runny eggs since London 2002

Breakfast at The Parker, Palm Springs

Miss Leyla goin’ for a dip

and Corn, who has a grand old time in any type of weather…

And lastly, a fitting song for this story..

Belle and Sebastian – “A Summer Wasting”

June 4, 2008   2 Comments