With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, thoughts of romance are titillating (and torturing) the minds of many, so I figure it’s perfect time to enlist a new special menz to share some dude advice with us ladies.

My new favorite musical crush, Futurecop!, creates tunes sweet enough to be your time-traveling soundtrack. These two Brit boys are obsessed with 80′s pop culture, including John Hughes movies and your favorite Saturday morning ‘toons, serving as a direct inspiration for their synth-pop sound. I was lucky enough to catch them live a couple times recently, including a memorable night with my ladies at TILT and have since been listening to them nonstop. Futurecop’s charming duo, Manzur Iqbal and Peter Carrol, answer my crazy questions below!

If you two could pull a Weird Science, which 80′s babe would you want appearing before your very eyes?

Peter: Michelle Pfeiffer and Heather Locklear come close, but Phoebe Cates wins in the end
Manzur: Phoebe Cates !!!!!!

What five songs would you put on your ultimate MAKIN’ IT Mix?

Peter:
Kenny Loggins- Dangerzone
Chesney Hawkes- One and Only
Human League- Human
Janet Jackson- Pleasure Principal
Meatloaf- Anything for Love

Manzur:
Donna Lewis - I Love You Always Forever
Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson – Beauty And The Beast
REM – Nightswimming
Boy Meets Girl – Waiting for a Star to Fall
Weezer – Undone- The Sweater Song

What’s the sexiest thing a girl can do to get your attention and keep it?

Peter: Individuality and a sense of humour.
Manzur: Got to be fun, got to be different and not try too hard (especially trying to be hipster and cool – I hate fake people) but still be nice and sweet. Most of all clean girls and no drugs!

Who would you rather have taken to prom, Valley Girl or Teen Witch?

Peter: Valley Girl. We love LA!
Manzur: Teen Witch.

Would you try to take Jessie’s Girl if Jessie was an ASSHOLE?!

Peter: Some guys just need to know they are not behaving properly, we’d do it in a second.

What do you think of half asian girls with bangs?

Peter: Sounds like a great combo to me
Manzur: I’m actually obsessed with half asian girls – theyre sooo hot! the best thing since slice bread! Not many things make me shy but half asian girls do!

Editor’s note: WHY HELLO

Marty Mcfly lent you the keys to the DeLorean. Where in time are you taking me on our first date?

Peter: 1988. A classic year, and the beginning of so many good things.
Manzur: 1985!

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Futurecop! just released an EP through IHEARTCOMIX and also announced a new USA tour so if they are coming to your town I suggest you put on your Nike 2015 dunks, go see them live and bust a move, boos.

In the meantime, Let’s make out to some:

Eyes Like the Ocean – Futurecop!

then let’s break it down with a ‘lil:

Fast Forward vs Ciara – Futurecop!

*If you missed any Dear Menz from the past, please check out:

Dear Menz With Special Guest Michael Ian Black, Chase Lisbon and Donny Vomit.

Also if you have a Dear Menz nominee whom you would like me to interrogate with perverted and romantical questions, please holla at your girl at marie[at]agentlover.com!

xoxo,
Marie

With summer lovin’ in the air, surely us ladies must be encountering some baffling questions while out and about in the wild frontier of the male species, so who better to act as our personal wingman during this time than a nice fellow from our Dear Menz harem?

Our new Boy Friday is Chase Lisbon, the mastermind behind Supercult. His Flickr photostream displays his talents of using uncanny lighting to make a naked girl in a sketchy hotel room look way more than just a naked girl in a sketchy hotel room. But it was when I saw his list that included the love of Morrissey, cholos, owls, Frankenstein and fantasy battles, I knew this was a guy I wanted to get to know.

In this edition of Dear Menz, Chase takes our weary hand and guides us into the wilderness.

Are you jaded by beautiful women since you are around them all the time? Is it like being a gynecologist in a way where it’s like “Bah, another vagina? Another day, another dollar” ?

Yes, a little. It’s really cut my libido in half. No question there, but it makes life a lot easier. It’s way easier to live when you aren’t constantly looking to get people into bed with you. It’s also helped me realize that NO ONE is perfect and that you can’t keep looking for physical perfection…. it’s like the Holy Grail, and you aren’t going to find it anywhere.

What is the number one deal breaker for you when you are out on a date?

Man… dates… I dislike girls that are rude to waiters or staff, I dislike pointy shoes, I dislike it when girls talk about “bathroom things” or that sort of humor. I have trouble being into a girl if I don’t like the way she dresses… I hate thongs, but it won’t destroy everything… hmmmm… I can’t stand when people are divas and complain about their food or take things back. There’s way more deal breakers than there are deal makers. I have a sort of black heart these days. My love life is best summed up by about 13 of the 69 Love Songs by Magnetic Fields.

How can a girl really tell if a guy likes her?

Well.. If a guy really likes a girl, he’ll buy her little tiny gifts, text a lot, call a lot, need a lot of reassurance, and make up reasons to contact them… especially the gifts… like, it could be anything, something from a 25 cent machine, you know? Just something that says “I was even thinking about you at the grocery store”.

If he doesn’t do any of these things, and he’s only calling her late night once a week, then it’s all just physical.

Cholos love tagging up their heinas. What are your thoughts on hickeys?

Oh man… hahaha…. sometimes I like to give a hickey for fun, but a lot of times I give them by accident in strange places and that can just cause trouble all around.

Since the Internet has made it easier to meet other people nowadays, has it made everyone sluttier?

Everyone is way “sluttier” now for sure, but I don’t know where the blame lays. Maybe it’s just because girls think they need to be a certain way with me, because of my job, or who knows… but things are crazy nowadays.

But definitely girls are growing up, seeing things on the internet that were not standard acts 15 years ago, and maybe they get the impression that that’s the norm. Who knows? I’m not a sexologist…

What do you think about hooking up with exes?

I don’t do it… I’ve only ever done that with “exes” that were “flings”, you know? No one that ever had my heart… I’m against it.

Is it true that white boys like to go down more than any other ethnicity?

I would think so. Everyone I know loves too… nothing can stop us…

What’s the sexiest thing a woman can do that doesn’t involve sex?

It’s all in the eyes…

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Thank you Chase for being our eyes in the fog!

Welcome to the second edition of “Dear Menz” where I ask the menz a variety of penetrating questions to help us ladies find the thugz of our dreams…

Not only is Coney Island awesome because it is The Warriors‘ home turf, but because it’s where you can find Donny Vomit, from Coney Island’s Sideshows by the Seashore. He first aroused my ladyboner during a visit to the sideshow in 2006. Donny was nice enough to take time from juggling chainsaws and hammering nails into his face to let us have a peek into his fascinating man brain. I am also proud to say I resisted any potential urges to drop a sword-swallower pickup line during this interrogation. I’m sure he’s heard them all!

What kind of date would you take a girl on if you were broke?

Just hit the town in Coney. Grab a dog at Nathans Hotdogs, hit the arcades and have our fortunes told by Grandma the antique fortune teller machine. Talk some roustabouts into rides on the Wonder Wheel and the Cyclone. Go for a swim out on the beach. Then grab a beer back at our bar at the sideshow.

How freaky can a sideshow freak get in the sack?

Whips, chains, straitjackets, swords and beds of nails are all floating around my room, but when it comes to the end of the day sometimes you want to leave the tools of the trade behind and enjoy what draws most into the sideshow in the first place. The exploration of something new and exciting.

What shouldn’t a girl do to get a guy’s attention?

Do not, I repeat DO NOT carve a man’s name into your chest flesh, especially when he doesn’t know your name.

Give me that one Missed Connections Craigslist ad you wish you had posted.

Oh subway accordion girl, where did you go? We could have ran away and started our own circus on some tropical beach. If you ever make your way back to New York just jump on a train to the end of the world in Coney Island where your carny boy will be waiting.

What’s your stance on pubes? Bald as a basketball or big ol’ jungle bush?

Keep it short, keep it clean. My mustache doesn’t like competition.

Who is in your dream threesome?

The Hilton sisters, not Paris and Nicky but the original Hilton sisters, Daisy and Violet.

What is the number one dealmaker when you are out on a date?

A girl has to enjoy a rollercoaster, and not be too disturbed by a man who found a way to make a living picking his nose.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve gotten laid?

In the ocean.

Thank you Donny for being the second Menz to graciously answer my puzzling and perverted queries! And friends, if you are ever in Coney Island, stop by Sideshows by the Seashore to say hello to Donny and to be entertained!

Also, If you missed the first edition of Dear Menz with Michael Ian Black you can catch it here.

[Donny V Photo by David Sacks]

Greetings everyone and welcome to the first edition of “Dear Menz”! This is where I will dig deep and ask the menz a variety of penetrating questions to help us ladies gain enough knowledge to find the thugs of our dreamz…

My first guest is the genius and god among men, Michael Ian Black, who you know from The State, Stella, Wet Hot American Summer, and of course those “I Love the…” shows on VH1. Let’s see what this menz has gots to say…

Is it true that guys don’t like funny girls?

I think guys love funny girls. At least this guy does. Especially if they have funny props like Carrot Top. That shit is hilarious.

When is the best time to slip someone the tongue on the first date?

10:35 pm

How would you feel if you overheard someone say, “I am straight gonna MB to the MIB TONIGHT”?

I guess it would depend on the context – if they were talking about putting their cat to sleep, I guess I would be kind of upset.

What’s your favorite song to dry hump to?

Falco’s “Rock Me Amadeus”

What advice can you give someone who’s been looking for love in all the wrong places? Should I just give it up and become a mail order bride?

My advice to any would-be mail order brides out there would be to take a deep breath and consider ALL your options. Maybe you might want to become a high-class call girl instead, or just a straight-up sex slave. Mail order bride just sounds so permanent.

Have you ever Supermanned a ho?

I’m not sure what this is, but probably.

Why do a lot of menz refuse to eat white condiments?

Like mayo? Do menz refuse mayo? In my experience, menz will happily eat mayo.

And lastly, what kinds of freaky shit are you into?

I like Scrabble.

Thank you Michael Ian Black for letting us peer into your brain for our first Dear Menz column! You can enjoy more MIB at his hilarious blog. You can also see him in the soon-to-be-released Kids in America and he also wrote the upcoming film Run, Fat Boy, Run. And get his stand up comedy album, I Am a Wonderful Man, available on Amazon.