I Would Look Really Cute In These Dresses

DREAM DRESSES

Dear Creatures “Gretal”

DREAM DRESSES
Topshop boat print dress

DREAM DRESSES
THIS RACHEL ANTONOFF DRESS AHHHHH  you know this is my jam

DREAM DRESSES
Samantha Pleet - obviously I’d change that to a red belt

vivetta

AND OF COURSE THESE TWO VIVETTA DRESSES OF MY DREAMS!!!!!!!!

vivetta

March 29, 2011   14 Comments

Love Letters To My Outfits From The Past Few Weeks

Melissa and Mike's Bday

Dear Pizza-Lovin’ Flower Child: Some men may react to this look with renaissance fair jokes, but who cares when there’s PIZZA!!!

♥ failed Legend of Billie Jean viewing/ pizza party outfit: Loulou Loves Lou flower headband, pink lace dress from Le Monde, Rodarte for Target tights, JCPenney boots ♥

SF March 2011

Dear Red Hat Society Reject: You might have left your heart (and Star) in San Francisco but you still have two on your feet so make sure nobody steps on your toes!

♥ SF trip outfit: red jacket – gift, vintage dress, $5 sunnies, AMAZING black tights courtesy of We Love Colors (more on them soon!), old flats that I dazzled up with some SEQUIN HEARTS WACHOW NOW ♥ ♥

Emi's Birthday Party

Dear Red Shoe Diaries: Ahh…I see another pair of red shoes to add to your Hans Christan Andersen obsession. On the Shoe Pyramid/Triangle, these would be pretty high up, but please, be careful…this is definitely Spice Girl ankle twisting territory you are in.

♥ Celebrating my bff’s b-day partytime outfit: Cutie Dynamite heart clip, old lace top, the AMAZING black tights c/o We Love Colors again, floral dress from another chola shop, old heart belt! shoes from Urbanog.com aka my new obsession ♥

polkadot

Dear Princess Of Prints: Ever since someone once told you “Only you could get away with that outfit” when you decided wearing giant raver jeans and a patent leather backless halter top (DON’T BE SCARED EVERYONE) was a good idea in 1999, that sentence has remained in your mind to this day…so of course you wouldn’t think twice about mixing a little floral with a little polka dot. And didn’t you say this was your casual rainy day outfit?

♥ My rainy day-slumber party-M.A.S.H. playing-outfit: Levi’s jacket, thrifted dress, lace top from local cholita store, lavender polka dot tights c/o We Love Colors, boots from TJ Maxx. ♥

March 28, 2011   9 Comments

Two Word Movie Review: Sucker Punch

I suggest that when you finally decide to watch this movie (on Netflix four months from now or on TBS three years later), put it on mute and enjoy the view, because it is exactly what you’d imagine if all the Legs Avenue Halloween costumes were given an action film. I swear I didn’t expect much. You know I am a simple man of simple pleasures. Hot ladies in glittering thigh highs kicking ass is all I thought I’d need! But if an E! reality show has more of an intriguing plot…well that can kill anyone’s boner!

Also, If Jean-Luc Godard said that “All you need for a movie is a gun and a girl”, then Sucker Punch is the Calvin sticker that just peed all over that quote.

Edit: A little bit later, I thought of this review in the shower and posted it on Twitter:

March 27, 2011   20 Comments

Sorry For Not Blogging, I’ve Been On Vacation With My New Boyfriend

javierandmehangingout

Hey my boos! Sorry I’ve been a bit M.I.A. the past few weeks. I fell crazy in love Beyonce-style so unfortunately AL has suffered. Don’t worry though… I shall be back in two twists of a smurf’s nipple!

P.S. Please don’t think I’m tacky and less classy if I come back covered in hickeys!

March 22, 2011   7 Comments

Thrift Tour: Palm Springs Edition

thrifttour

~BELATED POST DISCLAIMER~

A couple of years ago I tried thrifting in Palm Springs but was unsuccessful. Still, it left me even more intent on finding the hidden gems of secondhand clothing shops in this desert paradise. When I visited the Ace in the summer, I went to The Living Desert and lo and behold, a copious amount of thrift stores were spotted on the drive down. JACKPOT! When I went back to the Ace a couple of months ago, it was obviously not tanning weather so we decided to do the next best thing…THRIFT! And because I love chu all, I made a thrifting treasure map so you can embark on your own Palm Springs Thrift Tour!

Start at the Ace and drive for about 20 minutes or so down Highway 111 and you will see TONS of thrift shops. Scattered throughout Coachella Valley are two major resale chains: Revivals and Angel View Thrift. We also found a few scary hole in the wall places (where you could buy bags filled with used panties… Anyone?) but our best luck was at the aforementioned spots.

bluesweater

This weird cobalt blue half sweatshirt/half knit sweater caught my eye right away. I think I’ll add a cluster of brooches à la Karlito and wear it with leggings and my gold pizza earring for a casual weekday, Claudia Kishi-type of vibe.

thrift tour

My childhood fantasies of being an In Living Color flygirl finally became reality as soon as I put on this multi-colored jacket! I swear my hair suddenly turned into a spiral perm and I immediately started talking in a Rosie Perez accent. Little did I know this was only the beginning of many more outrageous jackets to come.

flygirlshello

thrift tour

Leyla scored a set of Time-Life books from the 70′s filled with pictures a Tumblr can only dream about. My favorite photos included these of ladies smuggling booze in their boots and dresses during the Prohibition. GALS AFTER MY OWN HEART.

thrift tour

I told you the jackets were only going to get more majestic during this thrift tour.

thrift tour

Crazy studded purple suede thang. If only I had a matching church hat and a motorcycle to go with it…PURPLE REIGN.

thrift tour

Which one of my lucky friends is receiving this horse vest?

thrift tour

At Angel View there was a great selection of vintage slips. I settled on these two hot pink ones. Love! All in all, we had a pretty good thrift tour and we didn’t even get to all of the shops! Highway 111 really is a paradise for us thrift lovers.

Now as many of you seasoned thrifters know, thrifting is 50% luck and 50% “how can I work this mutha?” so here are a few tips to check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.

  • Be in a relaxed frame of mind because you will definitely need some patience rummaging through these racks of clothes and shelves of tchotchkes.  It can get pretty dangerous out there. The crowds, the smells, the overwhelming sensation of strange hands OMG. You don’t want to have THRIFT RAGE (similar to Road Rage.)
  • Remember to thoroughly check for holes and stains and decide if they could easily be fixed and removed before purchasing. Yes, that cute pastel schoolgirl blouse looks good from here but make sure it doesn’t have YELLOW PITS. I remember when I was in high school during the thrifting prime of the mid 90′s, one of my friends found TOENAIL CLIPPINGS inside one of her thrifted shirt pockets. VOMITROCIA INDEED! So be careful you guys.
  • Wear comfy clothing like leggings and t-shirts you can easily slip skirts and sweaters over to try on since 90% of the time thrift stores don’t have dressing rooms.
  • Be practical about pricing. Thrifting is not as cheap as it used to be so have a budget and know what is worth your wallet. On that note, too bad this work of art was a whopping $95! I would have gladly added it to my collection.

thrift tour

March 9, 2011   15 Comments

Dear John Waters, I Want To Get Drunk With You Already

john waters show outfit

♥ 80′s faux fur coat, Built By Wendy for Target dress, peach socks courtesy of We Love Colors, Jeffrey Campbell shoes from Lulu’s, F21 belt, Lips hat made by Emi for my xmas present last year ♥

john waters show outfit

This is what I wore to John Waters’ “This Filthy World Goes Hollywood” show the other night! Firstly, I just have to say John Waters is a goddamn machine. He is NONSTOP hilarity with his stories! I could throw on a snuggie and listen to him talk for hours! I don’t think I saw him even take a sip of water to clear his throat. How the?! Mr. Waters, seriously let’s just knock back a few dranks and talk shit about everything in the world because this is RIDICULOUS! Secondly, let’s talk about this dress for a minute. Yes, I said Built By Wendy for Target in my outfit notes above. Um…WHAT?! I know. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? This dress is not part of some Built By Wendy for Target collection nor was it available in stores. It was featured in Target’s Red Hot shop a few days before Valentine’s day which means nobody would have been able to even get it in time for Valentine’s. I snatched it up on a day when it was 20% off and free shipping. It was red with little orange hearts, I HAD TO! But where were the press releases? Why didn’t anyone know about this? WHY WERE YOU HIDING THIS FROM US. Another strange thing is there were no price tags on the dress, just a sewn tag that says Built By Wendy. WHAT IN TARNASHIA IS GOING ON YOU GUYS.

john waters show outfit

Anytime I can wear my lips hat is a good time indeed. The show was at UCLA so I can’t expect a parade of fashion, just Uggs and sweats I GUESS. Why are people so boring? Couldn’t someone have dressed up like Divine or made a hat that looked like a literal piece of shit as an ode to Pink Flamingos? I guess it’s going to have to be me next time sporting that fake dook. OMG! With little flies on wires buzzing around it! Imagine! Back to my anger, seriously why don’t people dress up? We are all going to die at some point so you might as well wear a crazy hat, you assholes.

john waters show outfit

KIANA U SNEAK!

john waters show outfit

I got these vintage Japanese opera glasses for Emi and I since we were up in the balcony and besides being cute, they were actually very useful! I was able to spot host Matthew Gray Gubler’s moustache homage to JW from up above! I also fell in love that night with Elvis Perkins, who was the opening musical act. He sounds like Jeff Mangum and is Anthony Perkins’ (yes from Psycho) son. I am ashamed I never knew about him before, but even though I try to know everything that is going on  at all times, some days I listen to too much 90′s Mariah and miss out on gems such as this mang. Ple dew:

February 24, 2011   24 Comments

Getaway Girl Style: True Romance

True Romance

True Romance

It’s been a while since we did a Getaway Girl-style post and what would be a better comeback than True Romance, one of the best action-romance films that has ever been made! Comic book nerd Clarence (Christian Slater!) meets hooker with a heart of gold Alabama (Patricia Arquette) and they fall madly in love while getting caught up in some major Bonnie and Clyde-style drama. After Clarence kills her pimp, played by Gary Oldman in white people dreads, they embark on a road trip to LA with a suitcase of stolen cocaine. Soon after, the star-crossed lovers are chased by both the feds and the mob, but are so hot for each other they basically remain in makeout mode in between all the gunshot fire! I think I speak for many of us when I say underneath this jaded and blackened heart, there is still a dreamy look in my eyes and a longing for a crazy Clarence and Alabama type of romance. A comic book shop clerk/ film buff/ thugaboo like Clarence is my dream man HALLO! LET US SING.

True Romance

True Romance

True Romance

Bringing a lady to a comic shop in the middle of the night: ultimate move of seduction.

True Romance

Does anyone else feel like Gary Oldman was like a wigga version of Snagglepuss in this movie? So glad he was killed off early with those white people dreadlocks! UGH! (NO OFFENSE.)

True Romance

I am so horn for an ensemble cast you guys. Everyone is here! Christopher Walken, Dennis Hopper, Brad Pitt as a STONER,  Tom Sizemore, James Gandolfini (pre-Sopranos era), Michael Rappaport, Bronson Pinchot aka BALKI BARTOKOMOUS! It was written by Tarantino and directed by Tony Scott. I want to ask Patricia Arquette how it was being the only woman on set with all those MENZ.

True Romance

OF COURSE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW STYLIN’ ALABAMA IS!!!

True Romance

I love Alabama Worley so much it hurts! Lots of red and turquoise, animal print everything, cowboy boots, off-the-shoulder blouses, showin’ off them lacy bras. She even keeps those sunglasses on during a major shootout! How chic! I want to dress like her every day of my life!

photo_lrg

True Romance

True Romance

True Romance

True Romance

True Romance

True Romance

True Romance

Also note this chick’s sunglasses…

True Romance

Even their car is hot!

True Romance,

February 24, 2011   13 Comments

Let’s Just Talk About This Weird Ass Bathing Suit Already

During my preparation for my annual retro bathing suit search, I came across this bathing suit on Modcloth and all I could say was @_@. 70′s PORN WOOD PANELING IS DATCHU? Now, I love me some 70′s porn wood paneling, in fact, that is one of the reasons why I bought my Toyota Camry. It has that sexy controversial Calvin Klein ad interior (LUXURIOUS.) But a bathing suit?? Who in the? What in the? I hope the girl who wears this belongs to a swim club with matching walls so she can easily blend into the background if she needs to go undercover. I do love the belt (obviously)…if it were on a different suit! So random.

Sidenote: So bummed Modcloth didn’t use a morning wood pun in their description for this suit :(

February 20, 2011   22 Comments

Ask Marie: Ladyboner Valentines For Your Boos

valentine's sunday

HELLO MY VALENTINES! I got a request through my ‘lil ouija board (posted on the upper right of the blog) by a lovely reader named Alex! She wanted me to do a tutorial on how to make your own valentines. This year I decided to do something extra crazy and make my Ladyboner Valentines into ACCESSORIES!!! OH MY GAWD WHAT IN THE F IS GOIN ON HERE!

valentine's sunday

valentine's sunday
This Mark Ruffalo bracelet is dedicated to Elizabeth

valentine's sunday
Yes that is a Joe Pesci from Goodfellas choker

And here’s my instructional video! Remember…Ladyboner Valentines can be appreciated every day of the year! So if you ever have the urge to make a pair of Javier Bardem earrings (you know I do) feel free to do it gurl.

P.S. Take a peek at Pygmy Hippo Valentine’s post to see some other goodies I like to give my friends (90′s erotic thrillers on dvd)

February 14, 2011   17 Comments

Agent Lover Loves You – Volume III

valentine's sunday
♥Ebay red lace dress, Amiclub heart print wedges, Pygmy Hippo Sweetheart bow

As you can see I found a cute red lace dress like I had wanted…except it’s REAL SLUTTY! But I guess that’s what I should expect for always calling it PUTANA LACE! I kind of have a secret (or not-so-secret) love for showing off a bra once in a while like Alabama Worley (mmyes that is a foreshadowing for my Cinephilia post tomorrow!)

And now here is my third annual Agent Lover Loves You mix! If you missed last years, you can get it here. This time I decided to go all old school naughty, and I mean waaaay old school. Starting off with some dirty blues and ending with some hilarious cochina songs. Enjoy!

Agent Lover Loves You Volume III: Double Entendre, Double The Pleasure

♥Blue Lu Barker – Don’t You Feel My Leg♥
♥Bo Carter – Banana In Your Fruit Basket♥
♥Georgia White – I’ll Keep Sittin’ On It (If I Can’t Sell It)♥
♥Oscar’s Chicago Swingers – New Rubbing On That Darned Old Thing♥
♥Lillie Mae Kirkman – He’ s Just My Size♥
♥Bo Carter – Please Warm My Weiner♥
♥Lucille Bogan – Shave Em’ Dry♥
♥The Blenders – Don’t Fuck Around WIth Love♥
♥Angelina – He Forgot His Rubbers♥
♥Miss Dee – Hey Mister Ice Man!♥
♥Connie Lingus – Fuck Me Forever♥

LUV EWE MY BEWS

February 14, 2011   14 Comments