Category — Mi Vida Loca

♥ I Heart Ronson for JCPenney dress, Betsey Johnson Pollys ♥

Hiiiiiiiiiii. I know I haven’t blogged in one million and twenty-five years and how AUDACIOUS of me to come moonwalking in here like I own the place. You have every right to be mad at me. Roll your eyes, toss your hair, turn your nose up at me!!! It’s fine. Just know that I am looking at you with my Precious Moments eyes and am TRULY SORRY YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU AND AM FOREVER YOUR GIRL PAULA ABDUL STYLE PLEASE FORGIVE!!!

Anyway, let’s kiss and makeup already because during those million years (see last month) my favorite ginger-headed goddess from across the pond, Loulou, came to visit! We got to spend quality time together AND with my magical HOROSCOPE COMPUTER. This weird contraption, that yes, computes your fortune according to your star sign, was made all the way back in 1979. The first time I saw it was at the flea market but the lady wanted $40 bones so forget chu and ‘ello, Ebay!

This thing is craylarious. First, you can only choose dates that are before 1988 so obviously none of our horoscopes are ‘accurate’ since we all up in 2011. But it makes up for that with a charmingly nerdy 80′s computer-type of sound that emits while calculating the fortune. I will definitely have to record a video of it in action so you can experience this with me. I was doing fortunes via Twitter a while back but perhaps we can do a call-in psychic hotline and I can be Miss Cleo for a day!

Look at this gorge lady!

Methinks I should have purchased this portrait of myself…

Remember when I wanted to write about how much I loved BRUNCH but thought no one would care? But maybe I still will just to spite you ALLLLL! ::Roseanne cackle::

And finally let me leave you with this,

topped off with a little of this…

Hey my boos! Sorry I’ve been a bit M.I.A. the past few weeks. I fell crazy in love Beyonce-style so unfortunately AL has suffered. Don’t worry though… I shall be back in two twists of a smurf’s nipple!

P.S. Please don’t think I’m tacky and less classy if I come back covered in hickeys!

♥ 80′s faux fur coat, Built By Wendy for Target dress, peach socks courtesy of We Love Colors, Jeffrey Campbell shoes from Lulu’s, F21 belt, Lips hat made by Emi for my xmas present last year ♥

This is what I wore to John Waters’ “This Filthy World Goes Hollywood” show the other night! Firstly, I just have to say John Waters is a goddamn machine. He is NONSTOP hilarity with his stories! I could throw on a snuggie and listen to him talk for hours! I don’t think I saw him even take a sip of water to clear his throat. How the?! Mr. Waters, seriously let’s just knock back a few dranks and talk shit about everything in the world because this is RIDICULOUS! Secondly, let’s talk about this dress for a minute. Yes, I said Built By Wendy for Target in my outfit notes above. Um…WHAT?! I know. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? This dress is not part of some Built By Wendy for Target collection nor was it available in stores. It was featured in Target’s Red Hot shop a few days before Valentine’s day which means nobody would have been able to even get it in time for Valentine’s. I snatched it up on a day when it was 20% off and free shipping. It was red with little orange hearts, I HAD TO! But where were the press releases? Why didn’t anyone know about this? WHY WERE YOU HIDING THIS FROM US. Another strange thing is there were no price tags on the dress, just a sewn tag that says Built By Wendy. WHAT IN TARNASHIA IS GOING ON YOU GUYS.

Anytime I can wear my lips hat is a good time indeed. The show was at UCLA so I can’t expect a parade of fashion, just Uggs and sweats I GUESS. Why are people so boring? Couldn’t someone have dressed up like Divine or made a hat that looked like a literal piece of shit as an ode to Pink Flamingos? I guess it’s going to have to be me next time sporting that fake dook. OMG! With little flies on wires buzzing around it! Imagine! Back to my anger, seriously why don’t people dress up? We are all going to die at some point so you might as well wear a crazy hat, you assholes.

KIANA U SNEAK!

I got these vintage Japanese opera glasses for Emi and I since we were up in the balcony and besides being cute, they were actually very useful! I was able to spot host Matthew Gray Gubler’s moustache homage to JW from up above! I also fell in love that night with Elvis Perkins, who was the opening musical act. He sounds like Jeff Mangum and is Anthony Perkins’ (yes from Psycho) son. I am ashamed I never knew about him before, but even though I try to know everything that is going on  at all times, some days I listen to too much 90′s Mariah and miss out on gems such as this mang. Ple dew:

(click pics to view LARGE & in CHARGE)

♥ purple vintage dress – San francisco, blouse from local chola shop, sparkly tights from Macy’s, Corso Como shoes, headband I made from a clown costume, Betsey Johnson ring, 80′s furry coat from Emi ♥

New Year’s Eve daytime was spent at Pygmy Hippo with Emi! This was the first time I had seen the shop since it’s been open so I was extra excited to be spending the whole day there. It looks amazing and I’m unbelievable proud of her! ALSO, I was very excited to hear that one of you reader-boos came by to check it out already! (HI HELENA!) If any of you are in L.A., you MUST stop by and see this teeny tiny, whimsical wonderland for yourself!

Later that evening I found myself at some crazy house party that was sponsored by Hennessy Black (Sidebar: why do I always find myself at parties sponsored by Hennessy Black?) but for the first time didn’t end up as the Filipino Courtney Love by the end of the night. THOSE DAYS ARE OVER OK.

What did all of you do for New Year’s Eve? Was it cray? Did you stay in for some maxin’ and relaxin’? I WANNA KNOW!

As you might recall last year, I decided to stop doing year-in-review posts in exchange for the Top Ten Things I Forgot To Blog About. Consider these the B-sides of my 2010 blog mixtape!

1. The Time Richard Simmons Said I Moved Like A Stripper- I forgot to tell you all about the time I took Nikki Pee to Slimmons, Richard Simmons’ exercise class in Beverly Hills, for her birthday. It was the first time any of us kicked and stretched with THEE RICHARD SIMMONS and lemme tell YOU SOMETHIN’: everyone should exercise with “Little Dickie Simmons” in their lifetime. He is tough but he really cares about you, and super inspiring and encouraging and we couldn’t stop talking about him forever afterwards. WE WUZ IN LOVE! I was sore for about a week though! HE KICKS YOUR ASS. Oh yes….he said I moved like a stripper. :::tosses hair and bends over::: FYI TO YOU MENZ. WACHOW!

2. Museum of Jurassic Technology with Loulou - I was super excited to finally meet one of my favorite goddesses, Loulou of Loulou Loves You, in the flesh! Emi and I took her to MJT which is a destination that should be on everyone’s lists whenever they come to LA. It’s curiously weird and charming and something to see for yourself. I hadn’t visited since 2007 so it was nice to go back especially with Emi who knows everything about anything always.

all pics by Loulou

Lady Godiva OKRRR

3. Night Of The Living Dead At The Cemetery - In September, we watched the original Night of The Living Dead at Hollywood Forever. How HEARTBROKEN was I when I read John Staymoist’s tweet about being there and falling asleep like an old pepaw! SO CLOSE YET SO FAR! Another memorable moment from that night was enjoying this delicioso chickens my friend Hilary brought. Mmm mmm (Phaedra from Real Housewives of Atlanta voice)

4. OBVIOUSLY That Tweet Prompted Me To Write A Missed Connection For John Staymoist Like A GAWTDAMN CRAYLA FOOL – I mean I just wanted to offer him some of this delicious chicken!! (click pic to lurq)

5. The Contents Of My Purse Sometime In February – Because clearly you will be in awe of the cheap Jordana Lipstick, fifteen tampons, lil Homies valentine (from Glossy!), GIANT LIGHTER, Tokyo death cigarettes, and Immune Shot being carried around in my purse that day. I never get tired of ‘what’s in my bag’ shots. I’ll be sure to show you what’s in my purse pockets more next year IF YOU WANT.

6. Dead Man’s Bones - I saw our fave blondie ladyboner Ryan Gosling’s band live twice. They are truly legit too aside from the presence of that hunkenstein. HALLOW…They play SPOOKY DOO-WOP SONGS INSPIRED BY THE HAUNTED MANSION. Did you hear that noise right now? That was the sound of my panties disintegrating and blowing away in the wind.

Photo by Heather

7. Moustache Party - I attended the birthday celebration of one of my favorite chicas that I need in my life more… Rosa! She had a moustache party at a lesbian bar that has a mural of a unicorn. HOW DARE I NOT TELL YOU BOUT THIS. I don’t care what you say, moustaches are always gonna be fun. That Super Mario ‘stache I wore has been residing on my steering wheel ever since. This B KILLS ME!! With the framed photos of herself set up like that! What an asshole! She is definitely my soul sista!

8. How About When I Got Obsessed With That Younicorn iPhone App – To date, I have turned a mere 139 mortals into mystical creatures, including the whole cast of the original Beverly Hills, 90210 and a pair of Crocs. However, my work here is obviously not done and there will be much more Younicornin’ happening in 2011. I also sent the Younicorn people a message because I was trying to horn A.C. (Absolutely Charming) Slater and it wasn’t working. They replied with pretty much the best email ever. I love you Younicorn App and your creators!

9. Committed An Embarrassing Fashion Foul – Who knew that these sequined leggings would turn everyone’s ojos into X-ray glasses whenever a camera flash went off? I was wearing HOT PINK PANTIES WITH HEARTS ON THEM THAT NIGHT BTW. I’m glad we all got a great laugh at my expense.

10. Finally, This Video Of Me Dancing To “Don’t Fear The Reaper” W/ This Mayor Of Munchkin Land Cholo-Esque Mang - (Cutie Dynamite hair accessory featured in this segment!)

Ahh, A Hidden Track – My Favorite Things poem that I wrote for the holidays:

Candy cane lattes and cute boys in glasses
Flasks full of Jameson, Girls with big asses
Lisa Frank stickers and wearing huge rings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Prince wearing Frankenflops, potato tacos
Perfect blunt bangs and dresses with bows
Pink champagne cake from Madonna Inn,
These are a few of my things.

Riding a segway in clear stripper heels
Kneesocks and frenchies and Betsey’s cartwheels
Pizza and boners and trips to Palm Springs,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Coconut water and Vanity Six
Tweeting John Stamos and gin and tonics
S’ing a j on your rug of bearskin,
These are a few of my favorite things

Hope your year was filled with just as much ridiculousness as mine! LUV EWE!!!

P.S. Stay tuned for my Top Ten Inspirational Celebrity Pictures!

Happy Thanxgiving my boos! FIRST OF ALL, I need Marilyn’s outfit in that picture HALLOW!! Everyday I am thankful for: chips and salsa, John Stamos, pizza, Dexter, Tokyo, knee socks, Mr. Shankly, peter pan collars, 80′s movies, bespectacled men, “Wild Women Do”, Swedish people, having perfect bangs, gin, Jameson, Grey Goose, room service, Prince’s frankenflops, cleavage, avocados, starry skies, familia, boos, when people accidentally fart while laughing, and especially YOU for reading my blog! Hope you all are having a very happy day. And good luck tomorrow if you decide to fucks with Black Friday. OH HALES.

UGH YOU GUYS. I am so stoked to have a new pair of glasses finally! ESPECIALLY because they were F-R-E-E! Lately I’ve been sweating bullets because I only have one pair of contacts left and I’m worried something scary might happen… like the time my contact popped out during a sexy romp and it got lost in the sheets (true story)! I was so scared I was going to have to do a Cyclops walk of shame with one blind eye! Anyway, luckily I now have these backup spectacles just in case something like that happens again. Coastal Contacts.com had this crazy promotion last week where you could get a FREE PAIR OF GLASSES and only have to pay shipping!!! At first I was suspicious and figured we’d all get hoodwinked and they would end up being mini glasses like the ones seen on this priest bear:

But I was wrong! The promotion was FOR REAL and my super cute spex just came in! Luckily for the rest of you poor-visioned folks, they are bringing it back on Thursday, Nov 18! Just make sure you have your prescription and get the code here! PLE ENJOY

All by the amazing gingergoddess of my life, Robyn Von Swank.

SORRY for that PZZY TEAZE I gave you in the last post about rising from the ashes like Jean Grey and being ready for Blogtober, then disappearing again like an asshole. I hate blueballs as much as the next dude so shame on me for sassing you up and leaving you in the cold. What can I say? Real life got crazy for a minute there, blogging became a chore and Rie-Rie can’t do something if her gut isn’t into it. HOWEVER, something magical happened…MY BIRTHDAY! And not just any ol’ b-day but my DIRTY FLIRTY THIRTY. I know that sounds crazy since my asian genes make me look like I’m still barely legal but it’s true, here I am, a real live woman! WILD WOMEN DEW AND THEY DON’T REGRET IT

So what did I do to celebrate my quinceneara times two? I gathered my sexy besties for a weekend romp at my favorite hotel in the world…Madonna Inn! I had the time of my life with my boo crew even though it was raining and my Scandinavian crush ALEKS wasn’t working there anymore. Actually I don’t even know if he was even Scandinavian and he probably didn’t spell his name like that, but I MISS YOU ALEKS. As for the weekend’s activities, it was basically a huge cochina slumber party complete with girl-bonding, booty-clapping, Saved by the Bell trivia game, a lil’ bit of Ouija, a whole lotta booze and a memorable game of Truth or Dare. And of course picture-taking! Fancy ones will come later but here are some of my favorites. (BTW, if you are wondering, everything I wore was vintage.)

The angels that are employed by Madonna Inn gave me balloons matching either my dress or my nails. It’s the little things that will get you a 5 star Yelp review from me, BAYBEE.

Nikki got me this California Raisins SUIT

I shall now leave you with these spellbinding photos….I never tire of Photoboof.