I knew Rhonda Shear very well from her days as the host of USA Up All Night, a weekly series from the late 80′s and 90′s that showed tons of B-movie classics. I probably don’t even have to mention that it was/is definitely one of the biggest sources of inspiration for me and this here blog! Rhonda was kind of like Elvira: sexy, funny, had great cleavage, and introduced many cult faves such as Surf Nazis Must Die and 976-EVIL. Nowadays, Rhonda makes AMAZING BRAS! When her company contacted me to see if I wanted to try out anything from her line, I quickly said yes since I was a huge fan of Up All Night and someone with that kind of magnificent cleav is definitely someone I can trust with Thelma and Louise (o)(o).

They sent me two bras: The VaVaVoom Pushup and the Breathless Twist. OOH LA LA! I’m wearing the Breathless Twist right now actually. It has become my favorite!

from left: Breathless Twist and VaVaVoom Pushup

And great news my boos…we are also doing a giveaway! You can win both of these bras so we can be BRA TWINZ! Just leave a comment below and I will select a winner randomly next Friday (along with the winner of the Julie Say Julie giveaway.) To make it even MORE fun, in your comment also let me know if you have a nickname for your own blessed pillows. Do you call them Mary Kate and Ashley? Chang and Eng? Turner and Hooch? Make sure you also “Like” Rhonda’s Facebook page and follow her on Twitter!

Here’s a video of Rhonda doing her thing on Up All Night!

I heard they are bringing Up All Night back on the air? Could this finally be MY CHANCE of my dream job??? Imagine…

Like many of us, I grew up loving shows about the wealthy and their ESCANDALO ways. Dynasty was obviously a favorite even though it was for adults, and there was the more kids-oriented Beverly Hills Teens. By 1992, I was in junior high and deep into the Brenda/Dylan/Kelly love triangle on Beverly Hills, 90210. Yet, I craved even MORE scandal. MORE DRAMA! Luckily Swans Crossing, a soap opera directed at tweenz like me, came along.

Way before Sarah Michelle Gellar became Buffy the Vampire Slayer, she played teen ultrabitch Sydney Rutledge in Swans Crossing. No wonder she was so good at portraying the EVIL Kathryn in Cruel Intentions later on! Sydney had a Romeo and Juliet-type affair with the hunk in pleated pants next door, Garrett Booth, until they broke up and it turned into a sort of hatecrush obsession.

Garrett was played by Shane McDermott, who all of you rollerblading aficionados might remember from the cinematic artwork, Airborne. There were other famous faces who got their start in Swans Crossing, including none other than Romy herself, Mira Sorvino. And Brittany Daniel, one of the Sweet Valley High twins (who I also remember from The Basketball Diaries with Leo Dicap) was new girl Mila, the whora that came between Garrett and Sydney. I was so jealouz of that b Mila. Her bedroom had a bunch of TVs on the wall that showed Kriss Kross videos, a headboard with a BEAUTIFUL painted swan, some crazy giant pink rhinoceros desk thing that held her BOOMBOX, and even her own pet cockatoo. BLEH HATECHU MILA

I kept thinking the guy on the bottom was blind, but I guess he just wore those cool guy sunglasses all the time for fun.

Clearly there were some amazing fashions displayed in the episodes of Swans Crossing. It was the early nineties after all. To be honest,  I believe a part of my love for nautical style was influenced by Sydney. There was an episode where she wore a captain’s hat and I remember wanting it SO BAD then got all pissed off when my friend found out I wanted it and waltzed in wearing her stupid captain’s hat she got from Sea World. WHATEVER. I keep going through YouTube looking for a screencap of the hat (probably why it’s taking me so long to finish this post…) but no luck. I did come across one of the best Swans Crossing playlists I’ve seen online so far. They also have the  slumber party episodes, which were my fave.

I would also try to emulate my hair pretty often to look like Sydney’s. People forget how great 90′s hair was, but I NEVA do…

I wonder what kind of ESCANDALO went on behind the scenes…

Thank you Life.com for having this photo in your archives…

Watch this commercial so you can see how ridiculous/awesome this show was!

ps. Thank you to STEVEN who came up with the name of my new NOSTALGIA column: “Ooh That Was My Jam.” IT IS PERF!

HELLO I AM BACK FROM MY HOLIDAY HIATUS. Miss me? I know I did. And I have even more great news…it’s time to celebrate the FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF AGENT LOVER!!!!Can you believe it? But PLEASE keep your clothes on for now. We will get more into that later! Right now, we will honor my #1 Valley Girl style icon…..JULIE BROWN!!!!!! And no, tis’ NOT Downtown Julie Brown (who OBV I love too) I’m talking about the “hottest little henna head on MTV!” You probs remember Julie from my 2009 Earth Girls Are Easy post, but some of you might have known about her amazing MTV show,  Just Say Julie! , which ran from 1989-1992.

When my soul is not transporting itself through time and space, hovering between the candy-colored rooms of the Madonna Inn, the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland and John Stamos’ shower… it time travels to the set of Just Say Julie. The show had Miss Brown hanging out in this amazing Pee Wee’s Playhouse-type space, introducing music videos, talkin’ shit about the popular singers of the time, sassin’ up her guests and basically just acting like a cute ball of craylariousness.  One of the biggest reasons why I wish I could astral project/time travel to this time is not only because I want to hang with Julie but there were even MORE brilliant minds involved. The set was designed by Allee Willis who is probably my aunt in another dimension. She has a museum of kitsch (!!!) and collects lipstick-shaped things! I want to talk a lot more about Allee Willis, but I think she deserves her own post! Then there was the costume design. As you can see, Julie’s outfits were brilliant! I wish I could see these dresses and accessories in person! The designer was none other than Mona May, who I had the pleasure of meeting a few years ago. Mona was the costume designer for Clueless aka the reason for most of our EVERYTHING. Obviously, this is some triple-threat greatness right here!

So please take a great gander at the set design and costumes in the screencaps below. And take your time boo, we don’t gots to rush….

THIS SHOW IS BASICALLY MY LIFE’S DREAM!!! Who knows someone at MTV? Can I be the new Just Say Julie? “JUST SAY RIE RIE?? Make my dreams come true and allow this cleavage of mine to blast through your homes and into your bedrooms. GULP

SPEAKING OF DREAMS…OBVIOUSLY I HAD TO SNEAK IN A PICTURE OF MY BELOVED GOLDBLUM!!!!! There he is with his ex, my other favorite redheaded slash talented Olympic archer, Geena Davis. THEY ARE SO TALL! Like two sexy trees!

And here she is with Angelyne who I’m still not sure why I don’t carpool with. I’d definitely save a lot of gas if she’d give me a ride. I wonder what’s in her famous pink Corvette. Is it OCD spotless with strawberry air fresheners hanging inside? Or do she gots Taco Bell wrappers all over the floor (like Queen Latifah TRUE STORY…)? Does she have a dual CD player/tape deck like yours truly? Does she sing along to tunes while she drives? These are the things I think about when I see Angelyne driving around.

Julie and I are SO alike btw. Not only do we have magnificent cleavage, but we are also both OBSESSED with certain DREAMHUNKS! Julie always talks about Jon Bon Jovi on the show and of course my obsession wee crush on the man some people refer to as Uncle Jesse…but I refer to as SIR STAYMOIST.

YOU GUYS! She even has PRINCE CEREAL…

Let me instagram this…

LOVIN YOU JULIE

I had an idea to make a pincushion hat…THEN I SAW THIS.

You can always catch her fawning over hunks of life like I do. Should we just start a Ladyboner Magazine already? Like a Bop Mag for us grown ladies??? ADD IT TO MY LIST

And Julie also appears to be into one of my favorite sight gags….smokin’ shoes! THIS ALWAYS KILLS ME DED! I am a simple man I tell you.

You can catch up with what Julie’s doing now on her website and check out her album Smell The Glamour!

AND NOW…..A SPECIAL PRIZE! Because I love to spoil you ROTTEN, and to kick off the many more things I’ll be giving away in the next couple of weeks as we celebrate our 4 years together, I’m giving away a Best of Just Say Julie DVD! Just leave a comment and I’ll draw at random  next week! Good luck!

I love finding alternate posters and other kinds of merchandise for my favorite movies so I was stoked to come across this amazing Thai poster for Valley Girl, but saddened that I couldn’t find a gallery with other international VG posters. I wish there was a place on this WIDE WORLD WEB that had pictures of every kind of promotional merchandise for old movies, especially eighties ones. Imagine finding out there was a glass tumbler with Nic Cage’s face on it that someone’s cousin randomly won at a county fair? I guess a girl can dream… BTW do you notice how Deborah Foreman aka actual Julie from the movie is shown in the group of girl friends in the left corner, but, like we mentioned before, THE IMPOSTER is still front and center? EDIT: IMPORTANT UPDATE: I talked to Deborah Foreman, who played Julie, THEE Valley Girl herself and asked who this imposter was on the poster and was she annoyed that they messed up on something as big as this. She said the girl is the one who Nic Cage’s character had boned down with in the bathroom and she’s not sure why she’s not on the poster (in this Thai version you can see her in the cluster of girls on the left) but she wasn’t annoyed because she just rolls with things that are out of her control. HOW ZEN!!!!!

Lucky enough in this day and age, people can make their own tribute merchandise to put on the internet for us to gaze at. The totally cool one above is from 365 Lucky Days. Naturally it prompted me to search for more NIC CAGE ART….resulting in this Etsy treasure being found….

♥ Outfit details: vintage dress from Alameda Vintage on eBay, shoes from Urban Outfitters, my childhood bow, Target heart tights, mom’s vintage basket purse, mood ring from Playclothes,  belt from this MNG by Mango dress ♥

Thanksgiving weekend was RULL NICE. I spent quality time with family and friends, got to see The Muppets at El Capitan, partook in Small Business Saturday and brunched like a king. Btw, to my fellow brunch enthusiasts, PLE see my good friend Vanessa’s blog for our Ladies Who Brunch adventures. She will be documenting our mission for the best in So Cal brunching! But the MOST exciting thing might have been when I went to….

THE MURDER HOUSE!!!!!!!!

If you follow me on Twitter and Instagram, you probably know how I’m preeetty obsessed with the show, American Horror Story. I can’t remember the last time a show has made me simultaneously feel scared, confused, hornee, angry, and constantly about to put my fist through the television! So when I found out the “Murder House” was actually in LA I immediately polished my lurk boots, grabbed my magnifying glass and went on the search! Funny enough, it’s right near my favorite Korean spa! The address is 1120 Westchester. Maybe we can do all do a meetup since being the freak I am, I WILL be visiting the house moreso in the future OBV…

Here is the house on the show…

And now here are 100 pictures of me in front of it through every kind of filter imaginable!!!

Okay one more with a tiny TATE photoshopped in..

HAHAHHA ahhhhhh I’m outta control!!!!

We may not know the true origin of the “Valley girl” and who uttered the first “Gag me with a spoon,” but we do know that Frank Zappa wrote the song “Valley Girl” based on what his daughter Moon Unit Zappa overheard in the malls as a teenager during the early 80′s. Moon also provided the Valley girl monologue used in the tune…

♥ Thanks to Natalie and Tanya for sharing these vids on Facebook! ♥

With the success of the song, the allure of the “Valley girl” went nationwide. Soon enough EVERYONE wanted a piece of the action and these totally tubular Valley girl guide books were produced!

This collection first started when my friend Esther showed me her copy of Fer Shurr! How To Be A Valley Girl. I kind of became obsessed with it and bought a copy for myself and even my pal, thee Valley dude himself, Uncle Tnuc. I eventually found other books, The Valley Girls’ Guide To Life and How To Deprogram Your Valley Girl by Dr. Lillian Glass, who is a “prominent Beverly Hills speech pathologist.” Although the deprogramming book appears to be tongue-in-cheek, it looks like Dr. Lillian Glass is REAL and has a monthly  column for Cosmo. Obviously we STILL cannot trust her…

The books thoroughly discuss all of the Valley girl characteristics and topics: fashion, makeup, a glossary for Valspeak, dietary advice, types of Val dudes, and even ideas for license plates.

Compare the name lists in these two books…do any of you have a Valley Girl/Dude name? Obviously I do not since my name is always someone’s middle name or the name of an old lady OR a French whore.

Now I’m looking for THIS book so if any of you see it ple DO let me know

THAT’S RIGHT GUYS…I have NOT bailed on my Valley Girls Appreciation “Week” for one second. Without being all “La Excuses,” (my new chola name) sometimes I take a lot longer on movie posts because I like to freshly screencap everything myself. CALL ME OLD FASHIONED, but this is why my friends get pissed at me for not watching their golden scroll of “Marie you better watch this or else!” Netflix movies right away. It’s basically because I am screencapping deep into the night for us! I’m sorry I’m not morally corrupt like the rest of the godforesaken Internet and use any old photo that floats my way! Ok, I know sometimes we have to but that is my last resort, PAPA ROACH! Anyway…BACK to the matter at hand…..

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: THE MOVIE…

I know we all loves to loves the TV show but that and the film were obviously two totally different things. Nobody ever talks about the movie so Rie-Rie has gots to. I can’t help it if my heart has a special place for the OG film starring Kristy Swanson and one COY LUTHER PERRY, and yes that is the real-life, government name of Dylan “Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know” McKay!

Buffy was a shallow, teenage Valley Girl who spent her time shopping at the mall with her friends and engaging in cheersex with her basketball jock boyfriend…that is until Merrick, played by DONALD SUTHERLAND, declares her to be a Chosen One!!! A SLAYER!

First Buffy is like BITCH, PLE until she begins putting pieces of the puzzle together…her big hairy mole, her erotic vampire dreams…and  starts to think this old mang isn’t trying to pull a fast one on her!

Could it be true? Am I the only hope for the imminent war between us and the undead? YA BEST BELIEVE IT MY DAUGHTER….

Buffy soon starts to train for her role as Slayer! Let me just tell you all something right now. It really bums me out that Merrick is probably never going to come to my door and be like, “Marie, those two moles on your nostrils are a sign that you are a Chosen One. YOU ARE THE SLAYER!!!” and throw a corn on the cob at me which I will catch in between my teeth with cutthroat precision. Real life totally sucks, man. I’m going to have to turn this BS into lemonade and just pretend I am the Slayer during training sessions at my gym. Perhaps that will help me get through those MISERABLE planks.

Good thing she’s learning to fight because David Arquette is HUNGRY 4 BLUD. Pee Wee Herman is in this as a vampire too!

Buffy and Pike are one of my all-time favorite movie couples. They are similar to Randy and Julie in Valley Girl because Pike is from the punk rock side of the tracks and Buffy is Miss Popular. But they have an undeniable chemistry, and soon fall in matching-plaids love…

Yes Luke I still love you and your washboard forehead abs!

Buffy’s friends are such assholes, but I’m seriously into these 90′s fashions. I need all three of these above outfits. And that daisy top (most likely bodysuit) …BETSEY JOHNSON DATCHU??? Can anyone confirm? Sure looks like it.

Into the rainbow plaid blazer on the right….

Also really into that huge flower brooch/denim vest combo on Buffy!

And then there was Buffy’s prom dress: a white halter gown (worn with boots!) which kind of looked like a wedding cake topper until later when it was ripped shorter and worn underneath Pike’s leather jacket. I remember seeing that combo for the first time and being BLOWN AWAY. This spontaneous juxtaposition in her outfit was so EYE-OPENING for me back then. I mean I was eleven and barely learning how to put together an outfit so this was like “WHAT! A FRILLY DRESS AND A MOTORCYCLE JACKET!” Maybe that’s why I wore a fancy princess dress and Docs to my own prom years later. Maybe that’s why I still really like that kind of look today. EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS BECAUSE OF A MOVIE WE KNOW THIS

This part with the goths just KILTS ME DED each time….

One time I went into the bathroom at the Northridge mall and kicked all the doors open like this because I was all germaphobe and it was disgusting. I didn’t know there was a couple of cholitas in there and one of them was threatening me outside of my stall when I was taking a pee. I pretended I didn’t speak English and she left…

If you haven’t watched this original work of art, do so ASAPINGTON. It seriously has the best Valley girl-esque lines ever so LISTEN CAREFULLY then out of the blue tweet me, like “All I wanna do is graduate from high school, move to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now, that may not sound too exciting to a stonehead like you, but I think it’s swell. And then you come along and, and tell me I’m a member of the hairy mole club so you can throw things at me? I don’t THINK so!”

Hello class. Today we are discussing Night of the Comet, a post-apocalyptic comedy about two Valley Girl sisters who have to figure out just what the fucks to do when a comet wipes out most of human existence, turning them into either menstrual-colored dust or…. ZOMBIES! AHHH!!

Luckily the Sisters Belmont are not airheads, but strong, kick-ass muthas who learned to defend themselves and use firearms from their military dad. Isn’t Regina (played by Catherine Mary Stewart) hawt in that Kelly LeBrock-sort of way?

This is her sassy lil’ cheerleading sister, Samantha.

WHOA! Look at who we have here….none other than Tommy from VALLEY GIRL! That scuzzbucket! He plays Regina’s boyfriend, who she’s boning down with when the comet strikes…which is why she doesn’t get exposed to its death glow. SEX SAVES THE DAY (my motto)

Funny enough, that isn’t the only Valley Girl reference in the movie. Because of my superhuman hawk-like eyes, I spotted a Valley Girl poster on the wall as well as Sam holding a VG record in the scene below! I SEE WHAT YOU DOIN’ HERE

After a round of bitchslapping between Sam and her evil stepmother, Sam falls asleep while hiding out in a shed, saving her from becoming period dust as well.

Have I ever told you how I hate taking naps? Especially in the afternoon? The reason is because I usually wake up disoriented with a sad and looming feeling, like the apocalypse happened while I was asleep and now I am RIDING SOLO like Regina and Sam.

Not only are they alone and on the search for other survivors, but now they have to defend themselves against ZOMBIES! I hate zombies you guys, ESPECIALLY the ones that can run after you!  Don’t get it twisted, I’m still scared of those slow-motion zombies too…(p.s. I need to catch up on the new Walking Dead!)

In a scene similar to Dawn of the Dead‘s, the sisters eventually make their way to a deserted mall and go on a shopping spree, trying on clothes and makeup while dancing to some “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” SHOPPING SPREE IN A DESERTED MALL….EVERY GIRL’S DREAM. I enjoy movies about peeps being stuck in a mall. Someday I will write a movie for us about being stuck in a Target overnight.

Predictably, the girls run into trouble once again…but they be some badasses and find their way out until the next predicament…

LOVIN’ YOU REG AND SAM! PS… If you have Netflix Instant, it is available to watch here!

♥ My favorite VG on the right: EG Daily! ♥

If you’ve hung out around in the Agent Lover lair for awhile, you may have noticed how much I love valley girls and anything related to them. So this week is….ALL ABOUT VALLEY GIRLS!  That means we will be talking about valley girl-themed movies, favorite famous VG’s and other totally tubular stuff! In the meantime, why not take a trip back  to my posts on my fave movies, Valley Girl (duh) and Earth Girls Are Easy, as well as my interview with singer Josie Cotton from Valley Girl!

♥ I have to say it always pissed me off that the poster for Valley Girl did NOT have the real girl Deborah Foreman on it! Who was this imposter?? ♥

But that’s not all dudes and dudettes… we are kickin’ this thang off with a totally awesome giveaway! The winner will receive Valley Girl on DVD (although I’m sure ALL OF YOU have it already!) and I’ve also paired up with We Love Colors to give away a couple of my favorite items: 2 pairs of their knee socks and 2 pairs of their Nylon/Lycra Microfiber Tights ( Styles #1053 or #1008) ! All you have to do is leave a comment below and I’ll pick the winner on Friday! Gag me with a spoon you muthas!

EDIT: I ended up getting really sick this past week so we will resume VGW on Monday! I will keep comments open until Sunday night and I’ll choose the winner on Monday. Sorry for the delay everyone!

Have you ever decided to watch a movie based on a font? I have. And that movie was Girly aka Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny & Girly. A MOUTHFUL, I KNOW. No wonder they shortened it! Take a look at that flowery pink font and try and say it’s not a siren call to my girlish instincts. I’ve seen this movie around peripherally, as Netflix loves to recommend me movies about evil girls in pretty dresses (aside from strong black woman movies or demented foreign flicks.)

Girly is a 1970 British horror film about a murderous family, focused on the pretty blonde Faux-lita known as Girly. With her Lisbon sister-esque locks, Girly only looks innocent, but don’t be fooled by that angelic face, this bitch is MAJOR TROUBLE! YA BETTA RUN!

Girly and her brother, Sonny, like to pretend they are schoolchildren and play pranks on unsuspecting older men. The men are lured back home where they are expected to “play The Game.” If they choose not to partake in whatever activity Girly and her family have planned for them, the menz will soon meet an UNKIND CONSEQUENCE.

Naturally, Girly’s Peter Pan-collared dresses, knee socks and frilly button-ups speak to my style. I’m really into her color combinations, especially the brown and I ALMOST NEVA fux wit no dookie brown. I especially love the navy and brown combo you can see in the photo below. Does anyone get Rachel Antonoff and Dear Creature vibes here?

I need this skirt and white blouse! Complete with axe of course.

The real diva is of the house is Mumsy. Dressed up all fancy just to knit a scarf in her rocking chair! Now that is a true style icon right there.

Here’s a photo for the all the girls who like dudes in bowties. I’m with you, but then again, I love all men in everything.

The Ultimate Lurker: Nanny!

While on the hunt for my birthday dress (which is this Sunday as you already know I’m sure) I came across this PERFECT Girly pinafore on ASOS. So cute!