Category — Cinephilia

Southern Style Icon: Annelle of Steel Magnolias

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I recently wrote an article for Rookie about my love for the movie, Steel Magnolias aka STEEL MAGZ, so I thought it would be a good time to talk about how much I love the character Annelle’s style in the film. TBH, she isn’t my numba one favorite character  (that would go to Truvy played by THEE Dolly Parton, duh, or that ol’ grump Ouiser) but Annelle (played by Daryl Hannah) definitely has the cutest look of las chicas de magnolias.

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Annelle rolls into Truvy’s salon as the new gal in town who goes from awkward wallflower to party girl to born-again Xtian, all throughout the course of the film. While she doesn’t spit out dat rich, quotable word venom like the other ladies do, I do appreciate her vintage specs and her nameplate necklace. These days she’d definitely have a pretty good Instagram following with that look.

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WAIT what are those scary ass balloons in the background!!

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Are those some sheer pastel pink polka dot gloves I spy??

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Bonus: after a year or so of painfully living VCR-free due to (never learning how to hook up this ancient device) laziness and moving, I can now happily say that me and my VCR are back in action. Delishis…

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May 20, 2014   1 Comment

Nailz Week 2: Nail Quiz 3 & Floss Gloss Giveaway!

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You know what time it is!!! Get your nail files out and your thinkin’ caps on because I’ve got a NAIL QUIZ FOR YA BEAUTIFUL BETCHES…Ever since I did my first Nails on Film Quiz in 2009, followed by last year’s sequel, I’ve kept a watchful eye on movie scenes that have a nails did situation going on. I still haven’t found anything showing the level of abundance of gorgeous nails as our favorite Jeff Goldblum sexy alien movie, Earth Girls Are Easy, unfortunately.

For any of you newbies, all you have to do is correctly identify the movie from which the screencap is taken. Don’t worry, I’m not a total asshole and  will have clues posted for you underneath each image. The first person to comment with all films will win the following…

1. All polish colors from Floss Gloss’ Princess of the Night Collection. If you haven’t had the magnificent pleasure of trying any of Floss Gloss’ luxurious coats, you and your fingertips are in for a treat. Floss Gloss is a true gift bestowed upon us from the nail gods slash two of the raddest chicks from The Bay, Janine Lee and Aretha Sack. You guys, they also have a SELENAS nail color! Just imagine my reaction after seeing that. Fainting, screaming, bidi bidi bom’in. I LOVE THEM.

2. These supercute Puppy Kitty Snack Pack nail decals from Pygmy Hippo Shoppe! Finally, you can wear a cheeseburger and a pug on your nails at the same time!

3. A ‘lil something special from me. ::looks around room, sees a dirty pair of pizza-printed socks and three packages of Plan B contraception:: Hmm, don’t worry, I will find something to throw in. Good luck!

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1. We are creatures of the spring, you and I.

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2. Imagine getting totally stoned with Dolly Parton and Lily Tomlin.

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3. This is from one of my favorite 80s horror movies about a prom queen coming back from the dead to seek revenge against her classmates.

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4. Try to do the Bend and Snap without ruining your freshly-painted nails.

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5.  After hanging out with the dudes from Whitesnake,  playing the Ouija by yourself ain’t not thang.

December 19, 2013   2 Comments

Nailz Week 2 Style Icons: B*A*P*S

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That’s right my friends. I have been waiting YEARS. YEARS!!! to talk about my favorite Halle Berry vehicle, the award-winning B.A.P.S., and the time has arrived. When I say “award-winning,” I’m referring to the V. RARE zero star rating that was bestowed by film critic Roger Ebert, who also described the movie as “jaw-droppingly bad.” Much respect to Rog, but DAAAAAYUM must we get THAT dramatic?!?!  I know I am not alone in my love for B.A.P.S.

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B.A.P.S., which stands for Black American Princesses, is about two waitresses named Nisi (Halle Berry) and Mickey (Natalie Desselle-Reid) who dream about opening the world’s first combination beauty salon and soul food restaurant. First of all, I admire their creative entrepreneurial spirit. It reminds me of my lifetime goal of opening up a psychic nail salon (previously called “Happy Panda Nail” changed to “Crystal Balls and Diamond Tips.”)  B.A.P.S. was released in 1997, which was the same I year I lost my virginity and three years before she became Storm in the X-Men film series. All great buffers for Monster’s Ball, IMHO.

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The girls are having a normal day, until they hear on the radio and read in a magazine that MTV is auditioning dancers to tour with Heavy D. The synchronicities are enough to convince the girls that they should make the trek to LA and that the audition could be their lucky break.

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Their earrings are so good.

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To prepare for their Hollywood debut, the girls get their hair and nailz did and read up on some Beverly Hills etiquette.

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“Do you think we overdid it with our hair?”

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Once they land in L.A., they run into none other than LL Cool J and freak the fuck out. I mean, there are only a few celebs I’d freak out over and LL is one of them, even though I unfollowed his Twitter years ago because I got mad at his improper use of “your.” I’M SAWRE I’M SAWRE I still love you.

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One of my favorite scenes is when they are standing in line for the audition and Mickey supports Nisi’s wild dancing by screaming “YEAHH DAT’S MY GURL” then models her BOO YOW! hairdo to the crowd. I seriously scream the same thing any one of my friends successfully parallel parks. No joke. (I hate parallel parking)

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Then the girls meet some shadester who convinces them to pose as the granddaughter of a maid that his rich father was in love with back in the day. At first, the girls don’t realize that he’s just trying to scam his father’s fortune and play along. HIJINKS ENSUE

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The girls are living the life. MAXIN N’ RELAXIN. Look at that dream floatie. I want a pool chair where I could put a carved fruit basket and some chips n’ dips.

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The rich dude is played by none other than Martin Landau, who you might remember from his recent role as J.Howard Marshall in the Anna Nicole Lifetime movie.

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I love how every time there is a scene between Nisi and her man, “Forever” by Damage comes on.

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Sorry Roger Ebert, I know you hated this film but at least we have this scene of Martin Landau and Halle Berry gettin’ freaky in da club…

December 16, 2013   1 Comment

Picnic At Hanging Rock

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Picnic at Hanging Rock is a weird ass Australian movie from the ’70s that I love, not only for its crayness, but also for its beautiful scenery, underlining homo themes, and visions of schoolgirls frolicking in beautiful white gowns. I screencapped this movie about three or four years ago and it has been sitting in my Flickr library until now. I remembered I had them laying around after attending a new event series at Cinefamily called “Dress Up,” curated by Alia Pop, where you dress according to the theme of the movie they screen. For Picnic, I wore a short white lace dress that I got at my work’s sample sale (I didn’t have a longer dress that worked quite with this lewk) and ended up looking exactly like I did during my First Communion, no joke. This caused me to flashback to my 10th birthday party, when I asked guests to come dressed as their favorite singer. “Forever Your Girl” was the hit album of the time so I decided to go as Paula Abdul, but really just wanted an excuse to wear my First Communion dress again. DIVA!!!!  My bff Jessica also came as Paula Abdul, but straight up (now tell me) looked the part with the high ponytail and slick all-black ensemble. Seeing Jessica’s on-point outfit made me realize that I was 1. an asshole and 2. doin’ this whole dress up thang WRONG AND DIRTY. I did not do thee great Paula (PAWLA) Abdul justice. Perhaps that was the moment when THE SEED of dressing up as authentic as possible was planted in my cabeza and mayhaps one of the reasons why I take Halloween VERY seriously now. But let’s PAUZE on all this deep Paula Abdul (ME) talk and discuss this crazy ass movie.

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We start the movie getting to know a group of schoolgirls that attend the extremely strict Appleyard College in 1900. Miranda is thee girl everyone loves. Her classmates, teachers, the town menz, and one friend in particular, Sara…everyone is straight sprung on Miranda. Mademoiselle de Portiers, a teacher, describes Miranda as “a Botticelli angel.” Damn, can everyone PLEASE calm down?? There could be a drinking game for this. Take a swig (perhaps some sort of Australian hooch) every time someone screams Miranda in anguish or longing. You know what I see whenever I hear the name Miranda? This.

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The film is rich with ultra-femme scenes like this corset-tightening train. Can you imagine having to wear that shit every goddamn day? You should see me trying to put on some shapewear sometime. Ridiculous. I look more like Fred Flinstone than one of these girls. All barefoot and squeezing into some second skin. lmao

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For St. Valentine’s Day, the headmistress, who I like to call The Gothest Bitch, lets the class go on an outing to Hanging Rock with a couple of the teachers. Though the movie is based on a fictional book, Hanging Rock is a real-life place in rural Australia.

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Cheers to St. Valentine!

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Everyone’s having a jolly good time napping, having tea, and reading at the picnic, then Miranda and three of the other girls decide to venture off to explore the rock. Probs not a good idea, chicas.

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As the girls make their way up the rock, they start acting strangely by speaking in stoner talk and taking off their shoes and undergarments. Sounds like a normal Friday night with my friends but in PAHR-world, this is SHOCKING BEHAVIOR. Deviants!! One of the girls knows something is up and is all OH HELL NAW, screams, and makes her way down the mountain to alert the rest of the class. The other girls disappear….literally.

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Can you imagine if they did a modern remake of this and one of the girls went missing, and was found having sex in the parking lot, trying to wear a cheeseburger like a chancla?!? Do you believe in astral projection or alt-universes? I swear sometimes I hear these stories and check myself to make sure it’s not me transporting over there.

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One of the girls is found, but can’t remember what happened at all. Her classmates do NOT roll out the welcome mat in this tense, yet beautifully dressed scene. You never really know what happened to the girls. I like the theory that they went into the alternate universe (probably to that cheeseburger chancla world.) There was actually a final chapter of the book that was published in 1987, three years after the author died. I won’t spoil it for you though, but believe me when I say it’s EVEN WEIRDER. Das why I loves it..

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The Gothest Bitch.

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Class Photo time.

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SO WHITE….

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My First Communion.

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Also, I started a movie blog with some friends called Cinema Midnight. If you’re like, OH HELL NAW BETCHES. How you gonna start another blog when you are treating AL like some sorta red-headed (no offense my gingers) stepchild?? I’ll still post about all the girly//childhood/teenage nostalgia Rie shit on AL, but I wanted to start CM as a place where I could talk about other stuff like 80s horror and the Die Hard series. PLE DO TAKE A LURK if you feel inclined. Also if you want to submit a review yourself, HOLLA!

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November 10, 2013   4 Comments

Nails On Film Quiz: THE SEQUEL

Can you believe it was THREE years ago when we had our first NAILS ON FILM QUIZ!? Time flies when we havin’ fun, babys. Because I’m a weirdo, I’ve been saving screencaps since then in order to come atchu with a sequel. YAS… the time has come for Nails Quiz 2: Electric Boogaloo. I’m making it a bit easier this time around by including clues under each picture. Some of these movies have been featured on AL before, while others may get their turn in THE FUTURE. First person who comments with the correct answers gets to win a super prize pack filled with a ton of my favorite nail polishes, the WAH book, nail stickers, and some other random things I will throw in there. (do I dare part with my Eric Nies’ The Grind VHS??? Perhaps because, well, anything for you my sugar boogers…) GOOD LUCK!

1. My favorite characters in this movie are two teens from Ronkokoma.

2.  PHENOMENAL WOMAN, THAT’S ME

3. This one stars one of my favorite OLD LOVES couples. I’m wearing a shirt dedicated to one of them in a recent outfit post.

4. “Live! Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!”

5. Two Valley girls livin’ in an apocalyptic world…

6. My uterus is totally craving Almond Roca burly’ right now.

7. Three years ago I went to a screening of this at the Vista and got totally wasted and lost my camera (AMATEUR!) and the star of this movie found it!

8. “Where are the chips? You ate them, didn’t you??”

9. Everytime I go “camping” this goddess is who I channel!

10. ”They call me Whisper… ’cause of my voice.”

September 5, 2012   15 Comments

Nailz Week Icons: Showgirls (1995)

That’s right, darlins. You know what time it is….::spread legs slowly and drops into a Chinese splits::: For NAILZ WEEK, we are starting out with 1995′s Worst Film… Showgirls! Now, I didn’t plan doing a DEEP ANALYZATION of this movie at first. For shame, I know. But I recently watched it for the first time in probably a decade and felt compelled to write about it. I immediately applied superglue to my nipple tassels and pressed firmly, took out my bejeweled monocle, and studied each scene VERY INTENSELY. And just as I suspected… it is even more amazing now than it has ever been before! Says my always questionable taste, I’M SURE.

We start off with Nomi Malone, (played by Saved by the Bell‘s Jessie Spano//author of teen advice book Ask Elizabeth, Elizabeth Berkeley) hitchhiking to Las Vegas in the most obscenely gorgeous fringe motorcycle jacket.

I CUT YOU MANG!

Ahhh, the Luxor. I stayed there once. It’s kind of fuzzy, but I do recall someone ordering a $90 bottle of Captain Morgan rum from room service, and a dude friend and my ex bf robo-tripping, then I walked into the bathroom and one of them was sitting in the tub pulling his hair out or something weird like that.

Nomi ends up making friends and roomies with one of my favorite characters, Molly, who’s totally like a Vegas version of Janet Jackson in Poetic Justice.

Nomi has MANY talents…including doing her own NAILZ! While watching this, I fantasized that at the end of Showgirls, it segues into a crossover with my favorite movie Beauty Shop, and Nomi ends up being hired by Queen Latifah’s character to work in her salon and she becomes a star manicurist. CAN U SEE IT? I can.

In order to make ends meet until she ~becomes a star~, Nomi ends up working at Cheetahs, a totally gross and seedy strip bar.

Her pervertio boss is one of the Fratelli bros (from Goonies, you a-holes)! I SEE U

If they ever do a Showgirls musical, I’d want to play the gnarly Henrietta “Mama” Bazoom. “You’re the only one who can get my tits poppin’ right!”

Ahh…entrar La Queen Chola…CRISTAL CONNORS. Cristal, named after the champagne of course, is thee star dancer of “Goddess,” which is the Stardust’s big, cheesy, topless revue. It was based on a similar show in Las Vegas called “Jubilee!” that I forced my friends to take me to for my 21st birthday. OF COURSE I would…

Gina Gershon is so hot you guys. I know I am not the only one who is Gay4Gershon.

Even in her rhinestone-studded, cocaine cowgirl outfit, I am totally in love.

SOUND THE DIVA ALARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at Kyle Maclachlan’s hairdo in this. What a merf. Also, remember when horseshoe rings were all the rage?

Cristal ends up getting Nomi an audition for “Goddess,” which she wins.

Everyone looks hot in a black bob with red lipstick IMHO.

Cristal likes to frequently taunt Nomi by calling her a “whore,” which results in a similar reaction as when Biff would call Marty McFly “chicken” in Back to the Future. You don’t do that unless you want THE WRATH coming for you. But the reason Cristal does it, is because she’s secretly HORN for Nomi and likes to push her buttons. Are you guys familiar with HATEHORN? It’s when you basically hate someone, but at the same time you’re totally turned on by them. The Internet modern times are perf for HATEHORN because you’d be like ‘I HATE THAT FUCKER I HOPE HE/SHE GETS EATEN BY A BEAR!!!’ but then you look at their Facebook/Insta/Twitter/blog all horny. (FYI Let me know if you have hatehorn for me with the email subject: HATEHORN.)

Nomi, fueled by her desire to be the star of the show and fed up with Cristal’s constant hatehorn bullying, finally snaps and pushes Cristal down the stairs. And WHY hasn’t Lifetime secured the rights to this film yet btw so I can watch it otra vez y otra vez? The suits don’t want to spend $$$ on getting Paula Abdul to sub for Cristal so they ‘take a gamble’ and give Nomi the coveted position.

VICTORY IS MINE!!!!

Well, well, well…OF COURSE he would prey on the new celebrity. Do you SEE these glitter stripes in her hair btw? New trend for fall, I hope.

One thing I really appreciate about Nomi is that she truly knows the beauty of enjoying a cheeseburger in otherwise dire situations. “I’m a nobody who hitchhiked to Vegas with just the jacket on my back? Who cares, let me eat this cheeseburger while riding in a convertible with the top down!!!”

“I’m now a famous star in a huge show but the path I chose to get here was filled with lies and corruption! Who cares? Let me eat this cheeseburger and enjoy the view.”

After a really hard scene to watch where Molly gets brutally raped by some Fabio-looking musician that she worships and his yes-men, our unlikely heroine Nomi, goes out to seek revenge. Of course she does her nails first.

Don’t fucks with Nomi Malone, Fabio!

I’m really into revenge on film, especially when it comes in the form of a violent thigh-high, stiletto boot-stomping. Curious why the director didn’t choose to have a little blood splatter on Nomi’s face in this scene to make it more disturbing.

My favorite face of hers. Like letting out a satisfying fart.

Nomi ends up paying Cristal a visit in the hospital, apologizing for her actions but Cristal admits to doing the same in the past. Fame, fame, fatal fame. It can play hideous tricks to the brain….they share a long-awaited LIPLOCK. Nomi gets her Jordana chola brown lipstick all over Cristal’s face. Horny!

And off goes Nomi THE DRIFTER…onto her next adventure. The end.

September 3, 2012   17 Comments

90′s Hair Icons: Poison Ivy (1992)

OH YAS. That’s right my dudes. Finally, POISON IVY!!!!! I’ve talked about my love for big, beautiful, 90′s hair before, so it was only a mere matter of time for us to explore that particular adoration even more. Enter the 1992 masterpiece, Poison Ivy. First of all, look at that poster on the left. I’m sorry, but don’t you think I should take a picture like that and put it on a business card? Whose faces would be undulating in my luxurious hair though? John Stamos, Justin Bieber, and Kathy Bates? Emmanuel Lewis, Charlton Heston, and the maid from Will and Grace? Or maybe just me, me, me and a Doritos Locos Taco?! I will NEVER be able to decide.

When Poison Ivy came out, Drew Barrymore was only seventeen. She had released her autobiography, Little Girl Lost, a couple of years prior and was in full-fledged, rebellious teen mode. This was also a few years before she became the iconic, still-rebellious-yet-sassy Saint Drew, which, as I’ve said before, is how we lovingly refer to her here in the barracks of Agent Lover. SIDEBAR: ~~CONGRATULATIONS POP CHAMPAGNE~~ for Drew’s recent wedding and bun in the oven! I still remember an old  interview from the late 90′s/early 00′s where she talked about her boyfriend’s (who was Luke Wilson at the time) brown shoes like they were “camels she’d trek across any desert to follow.” OH DREW U ROMANTICA. She’s always been just a nice girl looking for love. AREN’T WE ALL? SIDEBAR OTRA VEZ: Do you like how I can remember old Drew B. articles word from word but can’t remember the names of people I knew before 2006? MEAN BUT TRUE…

Anyway, we meet Ivy swinging from a rope, all wild hair, reckless, and wonderful. I mean, just peep that airbrushed jacket lookin’ straight from the county fair. INCREDIBLE. Someday I will have to get a painting commissioned of  this exact screencap. Or maybe just an airbrushed jacket of her wearing this airbrushed jacket?!

Alas, for every crazy troublemaker, we need some some sort of balance to her character. A YIN TO HER YANG. Here comes Darlene from Roseanne starring in the best gif I have made this week.

~~ LIVIN’ LIFE SO WILD AND FREE~~~

Finally the two meet in the principal’s office. Darlene/Sara/Sylvie is giving Ivy the up close and personal lurkdown. She notices her SEXY THIGH TATTOO…

Ivy is like “It’s totally faux” and peels it off her milky thigh like a Fruit Roll-Up.

She then weasels her way into a carpool with Sylvie and her dad, played by Picket Fences’ Tom Skerritt.

UGHGHHHHHH

DARLENE I C DAT PINK MANSION BEHIND YOU

Eventually, Ivy charms her way into the Cooper household as well as into Sylvie’s sick mom’s (played by OG Charlie’s Angel, Cheryl Ladd) designer closet.

Better make sure the door is closed before you apply your Abreva, girl. TOM SKURRT IS A-LURKIN’

I bet you guys weren’t aware of my cameo in the movie as an annoyed maid who is sick of these crazy rich people’s hijinks.

OBV I HAVE SEEN IT ALL IN THAT HOUSE. I wish they had given my character a spinoff sequel.

OKAY. ::slams down the phone:: WHOSE LEG IS THIS?!?! First of all that doesn’t look like the Fruit Roll-Up tattoo. IT LOOKS REAL UNDER ALL THAT FUR. And we don’t see Drew going natural in this movie…I feel like for some weird reason they thought it was a good idea to get a close-up of this fly, and ended up filming it an old biker bar. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE IN THE WORLD!!! I am just saying I think this is Drew’s thigh’s stuntman, OK…

You know what I’m going to say here. “I wish this was me tanning.” (BTW I am so annoyed that Birchbox sent me fake tan jelly this month. How ’bout you send me a plane ticket to a tropical locale instead, thanks.)

Here comes Ol’ Boy drinking his O.J., just lurkin’ again like Gargamel.

He comes over to Ivy and ends up knocking her NEW BOOTZ off the balcony like the clumsy ass butterfingers he is. I swear….

“Those cost a hundred and fifty bucks.”

Annnnnnd here is the MOST nerd chills scene of the movie IMHO…

A flirtatious cash money tug-o-war betwixt Drew and Tom Skurrt. WHYYYYYYYY

I HATE IT! I just don’t believe in the attraction here. Even Robe Lowe as that creep Drew Peterson in Lifetime’s UNTOUCHABLE was sexier.

As you can expect, all kinds of shit goes down once Drew manages to seduce Ol’ Boy. Even though she is PSYCHOTICA, I feel like Drew gave a certain VULNERABILITY to the character of Ivy that I think is hard to do with these kinds of roles (I usually get super annoyed at these evil chicks.) Now let’s just drool a little over how hot she is in this movie.

We also can’t forget about Sylvie’s amazing hairdo.

And WHY were there so many gratuitous shots of her infected Yin yang  tattoo? Alright, the symbolism is quite clear, but in between gagging from this and the Tom Skerritt sex scenes, I honestly felt my eyeballs barf one too many times.

FRIENDS 4 EVA

June 13, 2012   19 Comments

90′s Style Icons: Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead

ALRIGHT. Watch yourself. I don’t want anyone to fart from the excitement that I am FINALLY offering my magical commentary and thoughtful analysis on one of the best movies from my youth…Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead starring Kelly Bundy aka the Christina Applegate of our eye!!!

We first meet Sue Ellen and her familia. Yes, “Sue Ellen” is a very Little House On The Prairie-sounding name but she is a COOL TEEN who likes to hang out with her friends, go shopping and dabble in a bit of the ol’ fashion design.

Ok, why didn’t any of my friends have convertibles when I was in high school? They’ve always looked so glamorous and fun, and so ~California~. I always seem to get cars with sunroofs. Perhaps that was my subconscious giving me a low-budget alternative. I’m sure the reality of a convertible probably isn’t as exciting. Bugs in your teeth, hair forever tangled, jacked up sunburns. Sigh.

Sue Ell’s mom is going to Australia for two months, leaving her five children behind. Excuse me, but WHAT? Do people do this IRL? I obviously ain’t nobody’s momma yet, but I am still about to call child protection services on dis B! She leavin’ her kids for that long so she can what, get some Cockadong Dundee in the wetlands of Australia??? What’s going on here. Okay, let me calm down. Back to the story at hand. So, mom hires a STRANGER to watch her house and chillunz while she is away. This old lady:

Sorry, but if I saw this chupacabra at my door, I would jump right into my velcro Pro-wings and RUN LIKE HELL. Haven’t you seen Poltergeist?

GET THAT CADAVER OUTTA MY FACE!!!!!!!

As we all expected, the babysitter turns out to be a demon woman! Then she dies….(from a heart attack, nobody killed her FYI)

After covering her with my old raver pants, aka a California Raisins bedsheet, the kids take the cryptkeeper’s body to the morgue. Problem? These muthas forgot to check the old hag for the CASH MONEYS their mom had left for them before (anonymously) dropping off the body..

WHAT ARE WE GON’ DO?!?!?!?

Sidenote: my #1 favorite character in the film is their pet corgi, Elvis. In this scene he says “huh?” in dog talk. I rewinded it three times.

They were watching the vintage version of Draw Something. I know you are all wondering if a girl like me has ever engaged in some Draw Something and I did, for two whole days. For me, that was impressive. Of course not as impressive as the unnamed friend of mine whose highest amount of active games was with 42 people.

I also love Keith Coogan as the metalhead-turned-gourmet chef brother.

Meanwhile..Sue Ellen has to make some cash to put food on the table! So after a failed stint at a chili dog joint (where she meets a HUNKY HUNK) she focuses her efforts on something of more interest to her personally…..FASHION.

I had to screencap the résumé Sue Ellen cooked up. Fake it ’til ya make it, girl!

She isn’t greeted very warmly by the Devil Wears Prada-esque receptionist.

Especially since Sue Ellen gets the job as Executive Assistant! I love her boss…I’m right on top of that, Rose!

OOH SHE A WORKIN’ GIRL NOW!

I still have major bang pangs for Agent Mulder. He plays a chismoso here.

Eventually the world’s greatest fashion show happened:

And NOW let us discuss how stylish Sue Ellen is throughout the film. Look at them silver stax!

I am really into this red floral jumpsuit (?) and green Docs situation. A couple years after this movie came out I really wanted a pair of Docs but my shoes were always ‘Payless special.’ How stoked was I to find imitation maroon docs at Kmart!? (I also got imitation Birkenstocks that I wore with socks FYI.) In high school I finally got legit Doc Martens. But fuck they made my feet look huge. I swear they look ok on everyone else but they look like dude Lugz on my feet. WHY? Is it ME? Is it my EYES? Anyway.

Man, I still have to finish watching Friday Night Lights! Someday I’ll come back to it. Also, Jules datchu?

Why am I really obsessed with this GIANT WITCH’S SHOE BELT BUCKLE? I think it would have went great with my Flygirl/Selenas costume, don’t you?

I pretty much want to screencap all of her brother’s bedroom.

CLOTHESTIME!!!!!!!!!!

You are correct. This shot of her Docs and a Mama Celeste pizza is the most inspiring photo of my 2012 so far.

April 26, 2012   22 Comments

Brunch Bunch

I had brunch at BLD with a bunch of LOVELY LADIES last weekend. It was followed by The Hunger Games which I loved even though I wanted more Gale, more Cinna, more blood n’ gore, more EVERYTHING. But I had a huge headache and was nauseous from sniffing some strong perfume beforehand and probs because of my purriod so I spent the entire duration of the film in complete hell. Sucks balls! I NEED A REWATCH! Anyway, the brunch gang included Vanessa, Emi, Samantha and Gabby! Everyone is so cute!

I wore: a top by Charlotte Ronson for JCPenney, Urban Outfitter shoes, We Love Colors tights, Rococonouveau collarette, and a vintage purse.

Where my Hunger Games fans at? Like they say…the movie is almost never as good as the book, but I thought the did a pretty good job for tweaking it to PG-13. So many people got beef with Peeta but I think he’s cute! And hunky Lenny Kravs with his gold eyeliner. DELIMSHIS. Thoughts?

March 29, 2012   12 Comments

90′s Style Icons: Death Becomes Her

WELL. ::exhales:: The time has come to talk about our absolute favorite (and only??) Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn movie…Death Becomes Her! Meryl and Goldie play two bitter rivals who will stop at NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to one up the other!

First we meet Madeline (Meryl) who is a real DIVA of an actress starring in a shitty Broadway musical. Her longtime frenemy Helen, an aspiring writer, comes to one of her performances bringing her plastic surgeon fiancé Ernest (played by another one of my FOREVER HUNKS, Los BRUCIE WILLIS!) along with her. This was a HUGE mistake because once the words plastic and surgeon touched the incredibly vain and beauty-obsessed Madeline’s eardrums, she turned her HORN SIREN on up to full blast, eventually seducing Ernest, causing him to leave Helen and marry Madeline.

Many years later, we find out that this betrayal had turned Helen into an unhealthy, depressed and very obsessed CUCKOOLICIOUS who is committed to a psychiatric hospital. She fakes her way out by pretending to be cured but secretly vows to get her revenge on Madeline.

More years pass and we see that Madeline is still obsessed with looking GORGE N’ YOUNG, and Ernest is an alcoholic mortician. During one of her regular spa visits, she is given a mysterious business card of a woman who specializes in youth rejuvenation. Afterwards, she hears that her old pal Helen has become a successful writer and goes to her book party.

Surprisingly, Helen is looking like a lil’ hottie and Madeline is clearly SHOCKED AND JEALOUS.

She ends up visiting the woman whose name is on the business card she received at the spa…and THIS is where we meet the elusive Lisle Von Rhoman played by the most beautiful ISABELLA ROSELLINI!!!!

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Lisle promises eternal youth to Madeline with her magic potion which is kept in a fancy Fabergé egg…

Madeline is like PLE RIGHT AWAY ::magic boobs scene::

Meanwhile, Helen is plotting to steal back Ernest and kill Madeline! Let’s talk about my favorite shot right here. Goldie Hawn, hair and makeup perfect, talking on the phone in front of an candle-lit altar wearing a Nike “Just Do It” shirt.

Always gots 2 give props to a spywear-type of outfit, complete with black beret, leather jacket and cateye shades.

She’s even chic as fuck with a rope around her!

Things start to go crazy as the two ladies fight, literally, to the death over los Ernesto! Either he must have been RULL GOOD in the sack or these ladies don’t give a shit about anything except beating the other at everything! (Most likely the latter.)

It becomes obvious that both of them paid a visit to the fountain of youth! These betches are OBV not taking care of their youthful bods. Lisle is going to be SO PISSED!

What a great duo Meryl and Goldie were. I could have watched a whole sequel about their two decapitated heads still arguing while rolling down stairs. Why couldn’t we get any more movies starring the two of them? Some Thelma and Louise-type of adventures? As we know, Meryl is still doing rull well. These days, Goldie is totally zen and doing good thangs in the world, but I’m still going to hope and pray for a reunion movie with the two of them someday!

March 2, 2012   18 Comments