Valley Girls Appreciation: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (The Movie)

THAT’S RIGHT GUYS…I have NOT bailed on my Valley Girls Appreciation “Week” for one second. Without being all “La Excuses,” (my new chola name) sometimes I take a lot longer on movie posts because I like to freshly screencap everything myself. CALL ME OLD FASHIONED, but this is why my friends get pissed at me for not watching their golden scroll of “Marie you better watch this or else!” Netflix movies right away. It’s basically because I am screencapping deep into the night for us! I’m sorry I’m not morally corrupt like the rest of the godforesaken Internet and use any old photo that floats my way! Ok, I know sometimes we have to but that is my last resort, PAPA ROACH! Anyway…BACK to the matter at hand…..

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: THE MOVIE…

I know we all loves to loves the TV show but that and the film were obviously two totally different things. Nobody ever talks about the movie so Rie-Rie has gots to. I can’t help it if my heart has a special place for the OG film starring Kristy Swanson and one COY LUTHER PERRY, and yes that is the real-life, government name of Dylan “Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know” McKay!

Buffy was a shallow, teenage Valley Girl who spent her time shopping at the mall with her friends and engaging in cheersex with her basketball jock boyfriend…that is until Merrick, played by DONALD SUTHERLAND, declares her to be a Chosen One!!! A SLAYER!

First Buffy is like BITCH, PLE until she begins putting pieces of the puzzle together…her big hairy mole, her erotic vampire dreams…and  starts to think this old mang isn’t trying to pull a fast one on her!

Could it be true? Am I the only hope for the imminent war between us and the undead? YA BEST BELIEVE IT MY DAUGHTER….

Buffy soon starts to train for her role as Slayer! Let me just tell you all something right now. It really bums me out that Merrick is probably never going to come to my door and be like, “Marie, those two moles on your nostrils are a sign that you are a Chosen One. YOU ARE THE SLAYER!!!” and throw a corn on the cob at me which I will catch in between my teeth with cutthroat precision. Real life totally sucks, man. I’m going to have to turn this BS into lemonade and just pretend I am the Slayer during training sessions at my gym. Perhaps that will help me get through those MISERABLE planks.

Good thing she’s learning to fight because David Arquette is HUNGRY 4 BLUD. Pee Wee Herman is in this as a vampire too!

Buffy and Pike are one of my all-time favorite movie couples. They are similar to Randy and Julie in Valley Girl because Pike is from the punk rock side of the tracks and Buffy is Miss Popular. But they have an undeniable chemistry, and soon fall in matching-plaids love…

Yes Luke I still love you and your washboard forehead abs!

Buffy’s friends are such assholes, but I’m seriously into these 90′s fashions. I need all three of these above outfits. And that daisy top (most likely bodysuit) …BETSEY JOHNSON DATCHU??? Can anyone confirm? Sure looks like it.

Into the rainbow plaid blazer on the right….

Also really into that huge flower brooch/denim vest combo on Buffy!

And then there was Buffy’s prom dress: a white halter gown (worn with boots!) which kind of looked like a wedding cake topper until later when it was ripped shorter and worn underneath Pike’s leather jacket. I remember seeing that combo for the first time and being BLOWN AWAY. This spontaneous juxtaposition in her outfit was so EYE-OPENING for me back then. I mean I was eleven and barely learning how to put together an outfit so this was like “WHAT! A FRILLY DRESS AND A MOTORCYCLE JACKET!” Maybe that’s why I wore a fancy princess dress and Docs to my own prom years later. Maybe that’s why I still really like that kind of look today. EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS BECAUSE OF A MOVIE WE KNOW THIS

This part with the goths just KILTS ME DED each time….

One time I went into the bathroom at the Northridge mall and kicked all the doors open like this because I was all germaphobe and it was disgusting. I didn’t know there was a couple of cholitas in there and one of them was threatening me outside of my stall when I was taking a pee. I pretended I didn’t speak English and she left…

If you haven’t watched this original work of art, do so ASAPINGTON. It seriously has the best Valley girl-esque lines ever so LISTEN CAREFULLY then out of the blue tweet me, like “All I wanna do is graduate from high school, move to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now, that may not sound too exciting to a stonehead like you, but I think it’s swell. And then you come along and, and tell me I’m a member of the hairy mole club so you can throw things at me? I don’t THINK so!”

18 comments

1 Ashe Mischief { 11.23.11 at 12:11 pm }

GURL. You will be happy to know the Beau & I fight about BtVS all the time and I’m always on the movie’s side.

AND DAVID ARQUETTEE OOHHHHHH.

2 Ashe Mischief { 11.23.11 at 12:13 pm }

“And then there was Buffy’s prom dress: a white halter gown (worn with boots!) which kind of looked like a wedding topper until later when it was ripped shorter and worn underneath Pike’s leather jacket. I remember seeing that combo for the first time and being BLOWN AWAY. ”

AND THIS SHIT. Oh yessssss. Plus, I will always think of her and “my keen fashion sense” whenever hairspray is mentioned.

3 Eline { 11.23.11 at 12:32 pm }

AAAH I literally haven’t seen this movie in over a decade and I’ve been recently thinking I should rewatch it again. WHY HAVE I NOT DONE THIS ALREADY? I am going to remedy that asap.

I love that quote, too! It’s such a Buffy thing to say.

Did you know that they are going to make a new Buffy movie? Without Joss Whedon! :(

4 Lindsay { 11.23.11 at 12:37 pm }

This is seriously one of my favorite movies of all time! When I was little I rented it from a video store called Specs so often that they finally just let me have it because I was the only one renting it! Cray!

Oh and between this movie and The Next Karate Kid, we all knew Hilary Swank was going to be a star.

5 Emi { 11.23.11 at 1:07 pm }

DON’T TREAD ON ME. This is the reason why I started my EARTH CLUB when I was 10 years old. I semi-forced 3 friends to join. Membership was $6, which paid for a PLANET EARTH shaped patch with the words I LOVE MY PLANET embroidered on it. Everyone also got one of those pincher sticks, what the fuck are those called? It was a long stick with a globe at the bottom, and when you squeezed the handle the earth OPENED so your lazy ass could pick shit up with out having to move too far. I used mine to pick up trash, claro, which is weird now that I think about it. Anyway, LABIN YEW BUFF.

6 vanessa { 11.23.11 at 1:39 pm }

I had to break our new “no internet” rule at work for this post, the Buffy-power-kick-door-opening method story alone was worth it!

I remember seeing this with Ruben at the T.O. mall, we snuck in Taco Bell and fell under the Slayer’s spell… ahh, mall memories!

7 Mary { 11.23.11 at 1:51 pm }

I love this. I am totally like that in that there are movies I’ve been wanting to blog about forever but then I think that I need to screencap them first so it takes forever, xd.
I loved her dress/jacket combo.
“EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS BECAUSE OF A MOVIE WE KNOW THIS” is so true.

8 @Vudu { 11.23.11 at 3:03 pm }

How could you forget the yellow pleather jacket?!?! “It’s so RETRO!”

9 Mary Van Note { 11.23.11 at 4:54 pm }

ha ha washboard forehead abs

10 Comment Writer { 11.23.11 at 5:34 pm }

The movie is now a classic. I grow up watching adoring Buffy. She has become a role model when I was a teen. I become brave and ready to face what’s ahead.

11 Arri { 11.24.11 at 12:38 am }

I fkn LOVE this movie. And I totally used to pretend I was training to be the slayer when I had to run cross country during school. I think I’m going to try that again at gym too…

12 Karlito { 11.24.11 at 5:34 pm }

I WAS JUST AT THE NORTHRIDGE MALL LAST NIGHT.
Mind is blown!

13 Diana { 11.25.11 at 1:30 am }

im pretty sure I had a very similar bodysuit when I was about 9. i really do miss my 90′s fashion choices.

14 Jesika Lin { 11.25.11 at 3:22 pm }

dude, yes. much love for pre-oscar hilary swank.

15 Super Links: 11/26/11 – missemmamm { 11.26.11 at 12:18 pm }

[...] Valley Girls Appreciation: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (The Movie)-Agent Lover explains why BTVS is so amazing & stylin’. Plus she includes great screencaps. [...]

16 Angel Collins { 11.27.11 at 8:25 pm }

Buffy wearing the white dress was so gorgeous! :) I love their 90′s outfit, haha! I miss those days when vampires look so realistic unlike what’s trending today like Twilight. ugh. Thanks for sharing! :)

17 Annie { 12.05.11 at 6:26 pm }

I don’t think I ever told you about the time that Deathdog and I went to a taping of Celebrity Duets and we were across the aisle from Kristy Swanson and she had snuck in Ziplocs of all kinds of GUMMIES. She gave us each one gummy bear. She is a way more believable Buffy on account of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s stick arms. Lookit dose biceps!

18 Vintage Tips, Tutorials and Links Round-Up | Penny Dreadful Vintage { 03.19.12 at 2:56 am }

[...] Screencaps from 90s film Buffy The Vampire Slayer (pre TV series!). I loved this movie. [...]

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