He’s Laughing At Us

I think I speak for a lot of us when I say I have as many mixed feelings about Jeffrey Campbell as I do about guys I have hatecrushes on. On one hand, I love the JC shoes that I own, and usually have a pair or two on my wish list. On the other hand, I get turned off when he does crazy shit like ripoff the iconic Ferragamo rainbow shoe and then has the audacity to sue Forever 21 for allegedly ripping him off! (Disclaimer: this b has purposely not shopped at F21 since early 2010 so don’t think I’m “on their side” or anything) But the most amusing thing about JC to me is the epic saga of their Lita, aka the shoe that just won’t quit. Does anyone know how many versions of the Lita have been put out since their inception? It has to be over a hundred by now. SO INSANE! I bet if you spill water on a Lita it will multiply like Gremlins. Whenever a new style comes out, I imagine our pal Jeff diving into piles of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck in the beginning of Ducktales. I have tons of Lita jokes, you guys. TONS! But whatever. Ladies Love Litas and you gotta give a little respect when someone’s hustle is that strong, right?

But now…YOU DONE DID ME DIRTY JEFF. You have taken my sacred memories of being curled up into a speaker while wearing pants made of Popples sheets at the San Bernadino Masterdome and stuffed them into the form of a $130 platform sneaker. Now look, you guys know I support the comebacks of quite a few 90′s trends. After all, I came of age during that time. It’s one of the many reasons why I am so amazing and brilliant today, I’m sure.  But how dare you with these shoes, Jeffrey! Yes, it was Prada that brought the stacks back, which you also quickly banked on (gawd your hustle is so strong, bb!) At least let’s pay our respects to the club kids who made their own stacked sneakers. I knew some guys back then who could rip the asses of any smug DIY asshole these days. Then there were the clueless kids who tried building their own shoes using STYROFOAM, superglue and an orange marker. That wasn’t me btw. I had purple platform Skechers with strawberry laces myself. May I also tell you about an anonymous pal whose aunt made potted plants out of her old stacked shoes? These are the kinds of intense memories that you are stirring up for me and my friends, Jeff. I just don’t know how to feel anymore. Let’s go to my bff whose reaction was presented to me this morning when I signed back on to iChat:

I see Jeff also made his own version of Ginger Spice’s Union Jack boots which you can buy for a mere two hundo bones!!!! You guys know you could probably just get these boots at any of the stripper stores on Hollywood Boulevard right? Sigh. Jeff, I find you vainglorious and I find you rude. Sadly, you still turn my hooves on and I know I’m going to want more of you in the future even though I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns! My question undoubtedly is this: Will the shoe whores and fashion bloggers of the world ever turn their backs on Jeff Campbell? And if so, will hoards of fashionistas gather in the streets to burn their collections of Litas? For now, I don’t see that happening. You’re a lucky man. You fucked with Judy’s rainbow shoes and you STILL got almost every Tumblr’s pussy wet with your new Cosmic Litas. Plus, there are plenty of other shoe trends from the 90′s that need to be remade and sold for thrice their original value…

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT JEFF. However, I do have a new style of Lita you might want to consider though….

21 comments

1 alanna { 07.28.11 at 10:39 am }

WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD

2 Elza Burkart { 07.28.11 at 10:40 am }

I think they can cut about 50 percent of their styles from the line and concentrate on the goods, I seriously wonder how much money they lose with their billions of fugly shoes that no one buys vs the handful of amazing ones.
and I had those sneakers about ten years ago.

3 Poochie { 07.28.11 at 10:47 am }

I detest those Litas. I think they are hideous. And they are knock-offs as well of the Charles Anastase Dungeon boots.

: P

4 Emi { 07.28.11 at 12:35 pm }

I CAN’T BREATH.

5 Jesika { 07.28.11 at 1:42 pm }

aww platform sneakers. it does make me nostalgic for my plaform voltages with flames on the side and rainbow laces, which i sadly rocked until like 2003 [while working. at. subway. well i was the most stylish subway employee so suck it]. late blooming gothlet. i would maybe wear voltages again… just because SOMETIMES a girl needs sneakers and there arent other styles i find attractive. HOWEVER, the above grotesque bastards are useless as shoes one could actually walk in and are thus totally useless not to mention ugly. PHOOEY.

6 bloody { 07.28.11 at 1:50 pm }

these are all hideous, and make me sad. even the old goth in me hates these platforms. barf.

7 Leyla { 07.28.11 at 2:02 pm }

I love you Emi. That is all.

8 melina bee { 07.28.11 at 2:11 pm }

I am a fashion blogger and love shoes, but seem to be the only person who doesn’t own any JCS (not to be different, I just don’t). the dollar bill Lita actually does look cute to me, but I tend to really like photorealistic prints. your writing in this article, btw, is hilarious. I wish I had shoes that multiplied like gremlins!

9 Ash { 07.28.11 at 3:49 pm }

Oh god, it’s all so clear now! You wuz an OG raver! Just dancin the night away to Dune! The whole…everything makes sense now. Oh Marie…I flippin love this bitch <3

10 Sheena { 07.28.11 at 5:44 pm }

Not the platform sneaker! I swore you could still get a cheap pair at Journey’s for like, $20-40! I wonder if anyone will buy them, but I’m sure die-hard JC fans will love them.

11 Diana { 07.28.11 at 7:18 pm }

Whoa flashback to 1999, when I begged my parents to get me these rad silver platform tennis shoes because they made me feel like a Spice Girl.

12 Nina { 07.29.11 at 4:51 am }

brilliant. you’re right on the money

i wonder when the cosmic print thing will die…

13 smooshfacedcat { 07.29.11 at 7:54 am }

Girrrrrrrl….. First time commenter long time reader.

Thank you for being a brave enough bloggy lady to stand up against the cult of the “Lita”. These shoes are just… lazy. Why design an new shoe when you can take an ugly New York Dolls inspired shape and wrap a different kind of print around it? They make me want to die.

On top of all this, my friends and I used to make our own platform sneakers for raves in the 90′s out of 10 pairs of rainbow flipflops from the dollar store and old Sketchers.

Shit was real girl!

14 Piper Alexander { 07.29.11 at 10:16 am }

I don’t understand the point of suing F21 – people that buy shoes @ F21 most likely can’t afford JC, so he’s not losing business to F21.

I consider myself a “shoe whore” and a fashion blogger, and I don’t own any JC shoes. I just can’t justify spending the $ and they always look cool on the rack/counter, but on my feet they’re a hot mess. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but they’re TOO bulky.

Volatile made stacked sneakers for a long time. I guess they figured out they’re not cool at the same time that everyone else figured out how cool they are.

15 Skylar { 07.29.11 at 4:03 pm }

Definitely had a pair of those Rocket Dog platform flip flops. Definitely made my mom buy them for me on the boardwalk at Wildwood in NJ. And there was definitely a bowl of condoms sitting right by the register. It’s moments like these that make me wonder why we’re not closer today.

Once, at a sleepover, we stacked three girls shoes on top of each other, styled it together with some scotch tape, and had relay races in the back yard. The total sprained ankle count at the end of the night was 4. Not me though, but badassery is not an easy lifestyle for the faint of heart and the 11-year-old set.

keep shit real, mayne
http://btdubs-skorbs.blogspot.com/

16 josh { 08.02.11 at 3:49 pm }

LMBO THIS BLOG

17 christina { 08.04.11 at 10:05 pm }

Lita’s = monster feet. I didn’t think they were all the bad when they came out–not for me, but not bad–but they’re so ubiquitous now they just look STRANGE. Like when you repeat a common word until it sounds like gibberish. Denim cutoffs, too.

I have ONE pair of JC shoes that my boyfriend bought me. Much like F21 and Urban Outfitters, I consciously avoid buying JC shoes because EVERYTHING is a ripoff of some designer shoe. Dude simply doesn’t design anything anymore.

18 fabulous { 08.28.11 at 8:58 pm }

i just found this post on google… i think you’d love my url ihatejeffreycampbell.tumblr.com

19 TheShoeGirl { 10.29.11 at 10:20 pm }

When I posted about my dislike of his RUDE knockoffs I got a LOT of hate comments. He has some loyal fans…

20 Bren { 02.28.12 at 5:51 pm }

I might be the only shoe slut in the world who doesn’t own any JCs.

21 Noteworthy: August Fifth @ That Blogger Gurl { 04.23.12 at 5:31 pm }

[...] No but seriously, Jeffrey Campbell is laughing at us. [...]

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