Now that we’ve ~loosened up~ with a little drinking game at Ashe’s blog, it’s time to grab our pillows and gather ’round to talk about our favorite topic in life…OUR CRUSHES!
Dylan McKay, Joey “WHOA” Lawrence, the whole cast of The Lost Boys, Jonathan Brandis (R.I.P.), Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez…we really could go on forever about the Tiger Beat cover boys who stole our hearts. You always had to “call dibs” on your favorite Corey, Brat Pack member or New Kid because it was taboo to have the same celebrity crush as your best friend. Don’t worry, when you become an “adult,” it’s totally fine to fawn over Javier Bardem with your bff but HANDS OFF John Staymoist. OK. Anyway, from time to time, I enjoy doing a little Goog’ to find out what happened to my favorite movie star crush. I usually regret it instantly because most of the time they turned out to be something scary like a tanorexic guido. OH WELL.
My dream mangwich has always consisted of the COOLEST DUDES EVER:
FERRIS BUELLER AND PARKER LEWIS HALLOW FANTASY THREESOME. So obvious for me no? Do they make these guys in real life? Sidebar: this post took me way too long to write because I got caught up in this amazing gallery of Parker Lewis’ funky shirt collection! Thank you Corin Nemec for displaying this so nicely on your website. And pardon me while I add Parker Lewis Can’t Lose Seasons 1 & 2 on my Netflix to reunite with right after my Fast and the Furious marathon (that’s a story for another time.)
Now I’m sure most of the hunks I’ve mentioned were scotch-taped to your lockers, but what about the ones that you were too embarrassed to talk about because they were… “too weird”? And maybe you didn’t realize HOW WEIRD they were until you got older, woke up one day and asked yourself, “Why the f did I daydream so romantically about Egon from the cartoon version of Ghostbusters?!” YES I SAID CARTOON
Another weird one of mine was Doc Brown in Back to the Future. Okay. OBVIOUSLY I have a thing for geniuses, you guys. I did like Steve Martin too…is it the silver foxiness? I must say, none of my oddball crushes can match the one Shaun confessed to me long ago…
That’s right. This mutha told me he was attracted to the DEVIL from Legend. SCARY!!! Because, in his words: “HELLO He has a hot body! Mmm delicious…”
I wish I still had the old Myspace page I had created in the mid 2000′s exclusively for our STRANGE CRUSHES. Everyone had confessed their secret loves! Sadly it is gone. So let’s make new memories of our old memories everyone! Tell me your favorite old school crushes and please include your strange, sick, humiliating ones. Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. How can a girl who had schoolgirl affections for none other than Rick Moranis ever throw a sideeye at chu? Nothing but love here on ol’ AL.com, nothing but love….
36 comments
[...] that prevents drunk dialing DISARMED?) Get ready to get drunk, get crunk, and make crank calls to your secret crushes! (hint: mine includes Michael J. [...]
Girl, I totes got demon crushes DOWN. Hellboy, Lorne from Angel, Sweet (the singing demon from the Buffy ep, Once more with feeling).
Apparently when I don’t like my teen crushes as bad boys OD’ing or beating their girl friends, I like demons.
I used to be a Joey Lawrence fan – had the CD with the pull-out poster and everything!
My weird one, which has now become a distinguishing trademark, was my obsession with Jeff Goldblum. I guess I like the nerdy geniuses too?? I even had a book where I had a filmography list of all of his movies in chronological order, marked with stars rating his characters – would I want to be friends with his character, date his character, marry his character, etc. It was sick. And in some way still is sick.
the professor from gilligans island and Peter Venkman from the cartoon version of ghost busters. i told my boyfriend that recently and he thought it was cute/odd. mostly odd. i remember getting all red and shy whenever he’d come on the screen. yes, the cartoon, not bill murray!
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Yes yes yes! My bf thinks I’m a freak for my Legend Prince of Darkness crush! OOOh and Vincent D’onofrio in The Cell when he had the horns! Hot damn!
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ps. I saw that pic of Keifer and was like DAMNNNNN FIOYYNEEE
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John Ritter. Love him. I could never figure out why none of those roommates fell for him. I am a sucker for a funny guy…
Ha! I loved cartoon (and real) Eagon, plus Rick Moranis, especially in My Blue Heaven. So much goodness. Also, I had crushes on weird book characters that still haunt me to this day. We need a real life slumber party, ladies.
totes Jeff Goldblum! I saw him in a play in London last year and HE GOT DOUSED IN WATER AND RIPPED HIS SHIRT OFF. WHAT IS THIS, BEST BIRTHDAY EVER?
OMG totally forgot about corin nemec!!! total obsesh! and others were eddie furlong, johnathon brandis, dylan mcKay and zac morris!!! and my cartoon crush was no other than legend of zelda’s LINK!!! OMG you guys! i had such a crush on him and sooo wanted him to be a real life guy!!! HAHAHA my sister thought i was nuts!! but he was sooo cute and funny! i totally wanted to be princess zelda cause he totally would flirt with her all the time!! i died of jealousy everytime he did!! haha! you could totally cut the sexual tension with a knife! LOL!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zysUdXJJLxc&feature=related
OMG! Where does the list even stop? Lesse:
- Corey Feldman #1
- Kiefer Sutherland
- Tim Curry (and yes, LEGEND was the first movie I saw him in!)
- Jonathan Brandis (RIP)
Now if you will excuse me I have to add Parker Lewis to my Netflix Queue.
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Jonathan Galkin from Hey Dude. I am ashamed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6GxnVFmUiA
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Can I get a whut-whut for Peter O’Toole, even though he’s like, 90 years old???
My childhood best friend and I were SO competitive over crushes. We used to play Top Gun and fight over who got to be Maverick’s woman. The loser was stuck with Ice Man. We weren’t into badboys.
My weirdest fictional/animated crush: MICHELANGELO! I had some serious turtle lust.
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I had a crush on Wil Wheaton decades before it was cool to do so. And Doogie Howser.
I like geeks, what.
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I’m so glad Kelli posted what she did– I also had many embarrassing crushes on cartoon characters including Michelangelo the frog and Gambit from Xmen.
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I’m embarrassed because most of my crushes were straightlaced! I liked such vanilla guys as Jonathan Brandis, JTT, Jordan Knight, Kevin Richardson, Drew Lachey, Mark Paul Gosselar, Rider Strong, John Stamos. I wished Uncle Jesse lived in my house so I could stare at him all day.
On the “weird” side, I really thought Buster Bunny was the coolest cartoon dude ever. I wanted to be Babs. And I second melinda on Gambit!!! Ho mama, he was a hottie. (I also had a small crush on Jubilee because she was the only Asian-looking person I’d ever seen on TV and destroyed things with her HANDS! Not that I understood such complexities at 9.)
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Damn, I wish I could contribute with some juicy names, but I think I was pretty bad at the whole celeb-crush thing when I was younger. I’m making up for it by coveting a bunch of manmeats today instead. Sane? I think not.
But ok, I did have a very soft spot for Axl Rose in my early teens (I SO wanted to be welcomed to the jungle), as well as Swedish actor Johan Widerberg (for evidence, this is what he looked like back in the mid-90′s: http://allthingsjohan.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/rapport_johan_och_lina2_1.jpg).
It’s funny how I picked two extremes inadvertantly: long-haired, tattooed bad boy vs. puppy-eyed, clean-cut choir boy. HMMM, what would Freud say about this?
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I STILL have a cartoon crush on Trent from Daria. When I was little I had a total lady boner for Bruce Springsteen in the “I’m on Fire” video and taped it off VH1 and watched it constantly.
No love for Michael Schoeffling, aka Jake Ryan, from Sixteen Candles?? Fine, got him all to myself. River Phoenix, Scott Baio ( I actually got a haircut like his when I was 10 because I loved him so much) And weird one was Jeff Goldblum after I had a sex dream about him now I think he is my soulmate.
Link from the original Hairspray movie. Later known as that asshat theater teacher who two-timed Brenda and Andrea on 90210.
Also, weirder ones: Steve Martin and Conan O’Brien. I guess only weird because I was 12.
Boring, but Christian Slater was #1. Robin Hood, hello! Speaking of, Disney Robin Hood=super fine. (not a furry.)
And totally Tim Curry…that’s why the Legend devil is so sexual. Tim Curry. Weirdest for me would be Tom Hulce in Amadeus. It was my favorite movie for like 10 years. I had it bad. I also still harbor some feelings for this guy from a My Little Ponies video… http://anniemadine.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/demon.jpg
SEXUAL
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My longest enduring crush (to this day, as a matter of fact) is Weird Al Yankovic. I decided I would marry him when I was about 8 years old. However, I don’t think I ever shared that secret at the childhood slumber parties. Hell, I was too embarrassed to admit that I slept with a picture of Indiana Jones (clipped from TV Guide), under my pillow…so there was know way they’d get my secret Al crush out of me!
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[...] s1); })(); Email Aight. You gotcha jammies on. You gotcha nails did. You gotcha drank on, and you’ve been confessing your crushes all night [...]
I second Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez. Highly unoriginal, but I was pretty crazy for Leo in junior high. Gavin Rossdale, Freddie Prinze Jr. for a short time, and Heath Ledger. David Hyde Pierce as Niles Crane in Frasier, haha. My friend and I had a great love for Crispin Glover in high school (I am still pretty partial to him as George McFly). I met him a few years ago and almost passed out. Oh yeah and Jeff Goldblum is pretty dang awesome.
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My oldest weird obsession was with Data from Star Trek. How can you argue with a man that is programmed in “A broad variety of pleasuring.”
On the demon tip, I have serious heart-eyes for Nightcrawler.
from me circa age 11-14 (1/2 my life ago)-Keanu Reeves, Christian Slater, Brad Pitt, Devon Sawa, JTT, Joey Lawrence, Will Friedle, Ryder Strong, Mark Paul Gosselaar, the guys from the show Weird Science, David Faustino (who I met & he hit on me last year, swoon) & I loved Corin Nemic too! weird crush-that creature video game guy from Brainscan, Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. & now looking through every1 else’s stuff I also agree w Furlong, Brandis, Goldblum, Curry, & Data (yeah, I’m a huge perv, lol)
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Trent from Daria, OMGGGGG yes! I very much second that emotion.
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OMFG, I totally forgot my first ever crush: HAN SOLO! (I’m so sorry Han, can you ever forgive me for being so insensitive?) Actually, I still have such a thing for Harrison, I mean, the man IS Han Solo, Indiana jones AND Deckard! It’s insane!
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I must have been about 8 when I started catching reruns of Parker Lewis on some random-ass tv channel (in Colombia, mind you). I thought he was the coolest, most badass leading man ever. I spent my adolescence crushing on guys like him. So dreamy.
Also, I’m from the Pokemon generation, and I had a crush on Ash (I feel like this is a safe place for me to admit that).
Oh, I was also crazy for Jonathan Taylor Thomas (triple name. so hot.), his older brother in Home Improvement, and Devon Sawa. And Leo Di Capri (circa titanic). Somebody else mentioned Disney Robin Hood. Yes!
i recently watched legend with my then-gf and she was creaming her panties over the devil!! all i can remember was that he scared me so much as a kiddo that this was only the 2nd time i saw the movie. but i was all about baby tom cruise, cuz im a pedo and like my boys pretty as hale.
i had the usual teen crushes in the mid-late 90s, pretty leo, JTT etc. the weird ones are my child crushes…the cartoon character ones, omg! i had a total 4th grade snafu when my bff told the whole gym class i had a crush on darkwing duck!! so i threw that bitchs jacket in the mud on the playground.
also proving that hebrewsexuality is engrained in my dna, one of my very first crushes was Schmendrick the magician from The Last Unicorn. this is the FIRST time ive admitted that!!! also david krumholtz as a freaking elf in the Santa Clause.
MAD PROPS for mentioning egon from ghostbusters. i continue to date guys who look like him, no shame. and david from Are You Afraid of the Dark… omfg nickelodean shows, i cant even get into this!
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Totally with you on the whole Data thing.
I too had a ladyboner for the Devil out of ‘Legend’ – that bit where he promises to be Mia Sara’s slave still makes me wet my pants – but my most enduring crush was Christopher Walken from when I saw him in the Dead Zone as an impressionable 12-year old. Twenty years later I’d still drop my husband and kids for him in a heartbeat if he turned up on the doorstep. That’s allowed, right?
Ha mad props to the ones who said Jonathan Brandis(rip). My other would have to be Matt Damon,Orlando Bloom,Ben Affleck,George Strait lol,Kris Lemche,John Stamose and Johnny Depp i seriously had so many famous crushes it wasnt funny and me and my friends would always fight over which guy was whos. I still havent gotton over my love of Kris,Jonathan or Johnny
ps. Totally with you on the whole Data thing.
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