Now that we’ve ~loosened up~ with a little drinking game at Ashe’s blog, it’s time to grab our pillows and gather ’round to talk about our favorite topic in life…OUR CRUSHES!

Dylan McKay, Joey “WHOA” Lawrence, the whole cast of The Lost Boys, Jonathan Brandis (R.I.P.), Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez…we really could go on forever about the Tiger Beat cover boys who stole our hearts.  You always had to “call dibs” on your favorite Corey, Brat Pack member or New Kid because it was taboo to have the same celebrity crush as your best friend. Don’t worry, when you become an “adult,” it’s totally fine to fawn over Javier Bardem with your bff but HANDS OFF John Staymoist. OK. Anyway, from time to time, I enjoy doing a little Goog’ to find out what happened to my favorite movie star crush. I usually regret it instantly because most of the time they turned out to be something scary like a tanorexic guido. OH WELL.

My dream mangwich has always consisted of the COOLEST DUDES EVER:

FERRIS BUELLER AND PARKER LEWIS HALLOW FANTASY THREESOME. So obvious for me no? Do they make these guys in real life? Sidebar: this post took me way too long to write because I got caught up in this amazing gallery of Parker Lewis’ funky shirt collection! Thank you Corin Nemec for displaying this so nicely on your website. And pardon me while I add Parker Lewis Can’t Lose Seasons 1 & 2 on my Netflix to reunite with right after my Fast and the Furious marathon (that’s a story for another time.)

Now I’m sure most of the hunks I’ve mentioned were scotch-taped to your lockers, but what about the ones that you were too embarrassed to talk about because they were… “too weird”? And maybe you didn’t realize HOW WEIRD they were until you got older, woke up one day and asked yourself, “Why the f did I daydream so romantically about Egon from the cartoon version of Ghostbusters?!” YES I SAID CARTOON

Another weird one of mine was Doc Brown in Back to the Future. Okay. OBVIOUSLY I have a thing for geniuses, you guys. I did like Steve Martin too…is it the silver foxiness? I must say, none of my oddball crushes can match the one Shaun confessed to me long ago…

That’s right. This mutha told me he was attracted to the DEVIL from Legend. SCARY!!! Because, in his words: “HELLO He has a hot body! Mmm delicious…”

I wish I still had the old Myspace page I had created in the mid 2000’s exclusively for our STRANGE CRUSHES. Everyone had confessed their secret loves! Sadly it is gone. So let’s make new memories of our old memories everyone! Tell me your favorite old school crushes and please include your strange, sick, humiliating ones. Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. How can a girl who had schoolgirl affections for none other than Rick Moranis ever throw a sideeye at chu? Nothing but love here on ol’, nothing but love….