Click here to read the fun lil’ interview I did on Mayoress with the terrific ladyboo known as Community College. Mayoress is one of my new top favorite lurks btw so check it out. I talk about my latest obsessions and who would play me in the movie of my life (not Jack Black in a bangs wig unfortch.) I wanna make you a glittering gif, CC! We have a blogmance going on.
August 11, 2010 4 Comments
I love the county fairs of the summertime. Everything about them is so vulgar: the fried candy bars, the deathtrap carnival rides, the people!!! It’s also like walking around inside an overpriced 99 cent store. But it’s gluttony at its finest and you’d be a fool not to partake in this guilty pleasure once in a while.
It’s only natural
I didn’t get a funnel cake because I spent all of my money on Virgin Mary and airbrushed keychains.
Shoe decorating contest…who could be the next great shoe designer of our time? I will have nightmares about this for weeks.
Kind of regret not getting a portrait done of myself by this guy.
My beef with the fair is the lack of gems in their prize stash. Only three years ago I got a beautiful framed portrait of Poetic Justice‘s leading stars, Tupak Shakur and Janet Miss Jackson IF YOUR NASTY. Why must you be updated in pop culture now? Why not keep the prizes outdated and slightly offensive and amazing?! At the AGENT LOVER FAIR, we’d have plenty of Selenas, Dizzy Devil, and Joey Lawrence framed photos for everybody!! I settled for teen dream Zac Efron because the Rob Pat one looked too greasy.
Plus I like how he is giving a lil’ pledge of allegiance underneath his shirt. This is now in the backseat of my car next to some copies of Lucky Magazine in case you find yourself back there and in need of a hunk.
Carnival ride paintings are really an unappreciated form of art.
Is it really ?
I was beyond excited to have captured this moment in action. This woman was airbrushing a tank top that said “Kinky” with what appeared to be the head of a turtle underneath (!!!) and “105 years.” WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!
Again, it’s only natural.
Smile now, cry later.
ps. Are you going to the fair? Will you vomit? Eat funnel cake? Get pygmy goat dook on your boot?
August 10, 2010 16 Comments
I’ve been obsessed with Class Actress all year and got to meet her when she played at TILT a couple of months ago. That was also the show where the girl next to me decided it was a good idea to take off her top and let me know. WHERE AM I? GIRLS GONE WILD? Anyway, read my interview with the lovely Elizabeth Harper here to get a glimpse of how badass she is. And catch up to my obsession and listen to her EP, Journal of Ardency, over and over already!
August 9, 2010 2 Comments
The trend of satanic spookiness and bruja style has now come full circle with this video Kenneth Anger did for the Missoni fall campaign. What happens when my favorite style aesthetic becomes the popular go-to theme for everything? Only one of my eyes roll. (IMAGINE) Can’t hate on this though! Smart collabo. So badass. So gorgeous. Witchy witchy witchy.
(BTW, Mr. Anger is EIGHTY-THREE YEARS OLD!! Lemme kick and stretch. Doin’ these thangs at EIGHTY-THREE! We might as well all GO TO SLEEP)
August 9, 2010 2 Comments
I could have titled the final installment of my Palm Springs Diaries: Only WE Would Go To A Zoo In The Desert, but I thought The Day I Almost Fainted would have more of a dramatic effect and a juicy plot. Emi and I thought it would be fun to go to The Living Desert, which is a zoo in nearby Indian Wells aka Indian Hell because it ended up being TOO HOT EVEN FOR ME (Cleopatra.) I still have yet to experience a real SoCal summer this year due to this weird ass January weather. Didn’t I complain about this thirty times already? (Sidebar as I type this, I am looking outside at the whiteout DRIZZLIN’ sky. Where am I, Seattle? HATECHU!) Anyway, I was all the more ready to “embrace the heat”…until I had a case of the dizzies in this DESERT JUNGLE and was afraid I was going to face plant into a cactus. Thank gawt I didn’t otherwise poor Emi would have to “Weekend at Bernie’s” me outta there.
This dress is from Charlotte Ronson’s collection for JC Penney. You know how I have loved me some Penney’s in the past. This dress is so pink and playful. It’s like Saved by the Bell, Kelly Kapowski print on the top with a pink and white floral skirt (my fave.)
Here is a magical gif of me taking down my long luxurious Rapunzel locks for your pleasure.
I’ve passed by this cute elephant sign many times on the way to Coachella and finally got to take a picture!
I should note that we ate at the original Native Foods twice while we were in Palm Springs. It’s this amazing vegan restaurant that has a few locations in Southern California. There is only one in LA for now but hopefully that will change soon. We even met the founder, Chef Tanya!
When we left beautiful Palm Springs we stopped to see the Cabazon Dinosaurs as per tradition. The Cabazon dinos were made way back in 1975 as a way to attract attention to the nearby cafe. But in the 90′s, the property was turned into a Creationist musuem, making poor Dinny and Mr. Rex (the dinosaurs) accessories to some religious propaganda.
But to Rie-Rie, this place will ALWAYS remind her of the glorious Fred Savage movie, The Wizard. “Califooornia!”
The wind was blowing so hard, even my bangs were no match against it. Imagine if I had a bangs helmet for these types of situations?
Closeup of my Mr. T hands. I will do a post on my rings addiction soon. PITY THE FOOL
August 5, 2010 31 Comments
This is a photo-heavy post from our little trip to the LBC to visit the Aquarium of the Pacific in celebration of Nicki H’s birthday! WE LOVE US SOME OCEANIC CREATURES…(TO EAT… half jk) This was also the day a pigeon dooked in my Tecate! Luckily the nice people at the aquarium gave me a fresh new cerveza. THANK YOU! I will give you an all star YELP review for that. Hope that bird poop was good luck. ::VOMITROCIOUS::
August 3, 2010 11 Comments
Like I said in the previous post, Joan Collins’ book, MY SECRETS was the official bible of this particular trip. It was a good alternative to the trash mags I brought for us to enjoy during our tanning sessions. Even though fresh celeb gossip is available to us 24-7 via the internet these days, nothing beats reading from a good gossip rag (The Enquirer, Star, US Weekly are lifetime faves) held in your very own hands. Related sidebar: I knew Rosie O’ Donnell was a lesbeyonce way before she came out of the closet because I saw a picture of her riding a motorcycle with her girlfriend holding tightly onto her back in The National Enquirer!!! Anyway, I digress…
My Secrets by Joan Collins (aka all-time best betch Alexis from Dynasty) came out in 1994 but can be very useful almost two decades later. The book is a collection of Joan’s personal pro tips on health, beauty, fashion, exercise and even yo’ attitude. It also features the most amazing photographs of Joan throughout her career.
A few of my fave tips so far…
+ “Three Bags. the best quality you can buy. All black, one Chanel style shoulder bag with the gold chain which is classic and definitely here to stay. One small clutch for evening, restaurants, theatre, etc. and one ‘tote’ type for office, travel and everyday. I hate cheap bags, and, like the women of Italy and France I would rather have one good one than lots of cheapos.”
+ “Don’t Look at a photograph of Kim Basinger in a pink Lycra dress and buy one, thinking that you’re going to look just like her.”
+ “Being ‘well dressed’ means different hings to different people. To a teenager it mean her special battered jeans, baseball cap and a T-shirt with a slogan scrawled all over it. To a glamorous young model or actress who is into grunge, it could mean trendy layered rags, a floral dress with Doc Martens or the dandy look.”
+ “Getting older should not carry a stigma. It should be a badge people wear with pride and dignity. With each year that passes, we should achieve more, and if we take proper care of ourselves, there is nothing to stop us looking and feeling our optimum best.”
+ “Tanning your skin is without any shadow of a doubt the worst thing you can do to it.” GULP
HAY JACKIE!!!! There’s her signature leopard print!!!
Kirsten Dunst eat your Antoinette heart out
A day without a glorious wig is a day without sunshine
Oh Joan, I thank thee for sharing your tips on how to live my fabulous life. I think you’ve given me inspiration to write MY OWN BOOK OF SECRETS! IMAGINE. Would any of you read it?
August 3, 2010 24 Comments
The room we had at the Ace was perfect for two ladies who came to Palm Springs primarily to LOUNGE. It reminded me of camp. We called it The Clubhouse.
This was our comfy girly area to read mags, talk shit, watch tv and CHILL OUT. I’m telling you it was a REAL vacation where I didn’t have to do nuthin’!! BLISS.
One of the best things about the rooms at the Ace is they have these hooks where you can hang random things and clip your photos on. I forgot to bring picture of Sir Staymoist to hang! BLASPHEMY! I did bring one of Emi’s weird crush though. Not sure if she wants me to divulge who tickles her ladyboner but his name rhymes with Dickey Bjork. SAWRE EMI. You can spot our matching fruit bags (made by Emi) and (a part of) her extensive headband collection.
11 pairs of shoes between the both of us…for basically 48 hours. Ridiculous to some, but POLLY HEAVEN to those who are in the know.
When we unpacked it looked like we were setting up shop so we started taking snapshots like two nerds with nothing better to do (until we started tanning.) Emi shares my love of accessories so I never feel like a whore-der around her. THANK GAWT I AM NOT ALONE! Also thank heavens for this Joan Collins (sister of our fairy godmother Jackie of course) book I brought to be our bible for the trip.
Eye of the Beholder rosette from Cloven Hoof, Emi’s jewelry line. Lurk the new lookbook!
Cloven Hoof beetle wing earrings that I can’t stop wearing, cake ring that Emi made me, other various fashion and vintage rings of mine. One of these days I will take pictures of my actual jewelry box/closet/U-Haul so you can SEE IT ALL
Peep my new FAVORITE Cutie Dynamite hair decor! The sequined hearts barrette is KILLA. Look for my interview with Cutie Dynamite soon. You can also spot my fave gold Fred Flare glasses…and about a billion other sunglasses.
Cloven Hoof beetle brooch, ello lil’ guy!
We got our nails did nearby where I also discovered my new favorite polish…”VIKINI GREEN.” What the hales is a vikini? I hope it’s some sort of inside joke among the alchemists who mixed this magical nail potion. UGH I LOVE IT
August 1, 2010 9 Comments
First of all, my apologies if any of you have been refreshing my blog fifty times in the last 24 hours waiting to see if I had posted the winner of the Sweet Valley Giveaway! I didn’t have my laptop with me most of the weekend I also didn’t get to do a video of me picking the winner out of my NKOTB lunchbox like last time. Instead I turned to los random.org for help!
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO…the WINNER IS….
NUMBA 22 …Diana of Our City Lights!
I hope you don’t mind this artwork I made of you…I am quite fond of glittering gifs and hope you feel the same. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to claim your prize!
Thanks to all of you for participating in the giveaway and most of all for not being afraid to let your Sweet Valley High freak flags fly!!!
August 1, 2010 1 Comment
HAY YOU GUYS! I just returned from a mini-vacay to beautiful PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA!!! Emi and I took a Thelma and Louise road trip to the desert and stayed at the SUPER COOL Ace Hotel and Swim Club!
In the lobby we were greeted by music playing on a record player(I peeped an Andrews Sisters vinyl!) and what might be the best photobooth I have seen in my life! The pictures come out in an old-school sepia tone and the machine takes credit cards! MOMMA LIKE
We enjoyed some marinated feta and couscous salad at the hotel’s roadside diner, King’s Highway. I’m wearing one of my adorable new hair bows courtesy of Cutie Dynamite! You’ll be able to see a better picture of it later in this Palm Springs Diaries series. Yes “SERIES” because in between our numerous outfits and obsessive photo taking, I wouldn’t be able to fit it all into one post.
A for Agent Lover but chu know you can call me AL.
On Monday evenings, the hotel offers SISSY BINGO hosted by Linda Fabulous who belts out dirty Broadway ballads. We saw her perform a song which was something like “Who Do You Have To Fuck In Hollywood?” COCHINA!!!! Betty White better watch her back…
A warning…there are some SERIOUS Bingo players in there, notably older ladies and gents who probably attend on the regular. I was the A-hole who yelled out Bingo too early (SAWRE I HAVE NOT PLAYED SINCE MY YOUTH) and got a few death stares from some of the Bingo elite! Luckily their drinks were amazing and cooled down my red cheeks. My favorite was the ‘Desert Facial’ which is made up of muddled cucumber, mint, and pineapple vodka. Dis lush gives it an A ++.
The Ace also lets you ride their bikes around the town. If you guys remember, I have some sad childhood bike trauma but was stoked on attempting to ride for the first time in twenty years! Sadly I wasn’t as successful as I had hoped. Next time will be better once I have a lowrider and I’m not wearing Pollys!
Stay tuned for more of my Palm Springs Diaries!
July 29, 2010 15 Comments