I first met the devastatingly handsome and hilarious hunk known as Rory when he wanted to interview YOURS TRULY for his blog Awesome All Day! Since then we have remained in touch like E.T. and Elliott. He became one of my favorite people ever so it was only natural to put him under the bright lights of my interrogation lamp and question him on all his MENZerisms. Meet our newest Dear Menz confidante…Rory of Awesome All Day!
+ What hurts a man’s ego more, faking a laugh or faking an orgasm?
You’re speaking hypothetically right? right?!
I’d be more worried that a girl would confuse the two. Can you imagine the awkwardness of faking a laugh when you were supposed to be fake orgasming? OR VICE VERSA?!
I also think the fake orgasm can be really misleading. Your physical reactions are like the roadmap to your lady gardens. If when my Harry meets your Sally, you fake it convincingly I’m going to try and make you have more fake orgasms in the same way. Do yourself a favor and just be honest about what is working and what isn’t because grrl we wanna get there with you.
+ Can straight guys genuinely just be friends with girls or are they all eventually just trying to hit it?
As the self-appointed representative of straight guys everywhere I’d just like to make this simple statement:
Attention: All BFFs/Buddies/and girls who see themselves as “one of the guys”
We are all secretly in love with you. We have been since you’ve known us and you totally know it. You make us laugh, you’re there when we need you, and we like that you make our girlfriends/wives/significant others jealous. We may never try to make a touch down in the bone zone but that doesn’t mean it has not crossed our minds. We are your friends but don’t sell yourself short! Who wouldn’t want you?
Straight Guys Everywhere
+ What’s the sexiest thing that a girl can do to turn you on?
Polaroid Camera and love notes.
+ Would you ever dress like a mariachi and serenade a Prince song to a girl that you really liked?
I try to always dress like a charro. I live close to Alcala’s in Chicago which is one of the best western supply stores around. Every time I throw on the black and silver grrls can’t help but wonder about 23 positions in a one night stand.
“This is gonna b a long night
A little bit longer afternoon
Girl, if we get this thing right
Oh, U gonna get satisfied real soon
Can’t U see eye’m just tryin’ 2 get U satisfied yea”
+ What is something you’ve always wanted to do with a significant other but haven’t had the chance to yet?
Meet and fall in love in Chicago. Seriously.
+ Tell me a time when you experienced an ultimate boner killer from an internet crush. Was it a lame facebook status update? An alcohol-fueled drunken tweet?
I’m not sure? Can you set your relationship status to “home wrecker” on Facebook? I actually would love to go on a date and have the lucky lady live tweet the whole thing:
Lucky Lady409: Dude doesn’t have a car. This is going to be swell.
Lucky Lady409: Olive Garden really?! Well the breadsticks are pretty good…
Lucky Lady409: Hmm I wonder if he knows he laughs at his own jokes? In a non-endearing way. Off to the movies!
Lucky Lady409: God I love Amy Adams <3
Lucky Lady409: He invited me up to his place. At least he has a place! I assumed “pro-blogger” meant “Lives with parents”
Lucky Lady409: I’ve seen chimpanzees string a needle easier than he is getting my bra off.
+ What kind of creative date would you take a girl on that doesn’t require much money?
Contestant #3 Answers: I love a girl who knows her way around a bicycle. I’d love to pack up some food/beer then ride out to the lake and hang tough like longshoremen. Emphasis on the long.
Contestant #2 Answers: I’d take you on a midday happy-hour bar crawl. We could eat wings and drunk dial your friends to make them hate their crappy office jobs.
Contestant #1 Answers: These other loser contestants think way too small! Lets just move to Thailand and live high on the hog for dollars a day. Who needs America when we’ve got each other?
+ You have a penchant for writing Missed Connections. Will you fulfill one of my Internet fantasies and write one for ME?
Done and done.
+ What’s the sexiest 80’s movie makeout scene you would want to recreate?
I have been and always will be in love Meredith Salenger from Dream a Little Dream. I’ve talked about my love hate relationship with both of the Coreys. I’m pretty sure sweet Meredith is where it all started.
+ Any last words of advice?
When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?”
“Yessir, the check is in the mail.”
And with that Jack Burton panty-soaking quote, let’s thank Rory for this penetrating interview!!! You can add more Rory to your life by lurking Awesomeallday.com and his Twitter! And ladies…don’t forget to download the large version of Rory’s centerfold to print out and scotch-tape to your headboard!
P.S. Past Dear Menz can be found here!