Posts from — February 2010

Dear Menz With Special Guest Rory of Awesome All Day

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I first met the devastatingly handsome and hilarious hunk known as Rory when he wanted to interview YOURS TRULY for his blog Awesome All Day! Since then we have remained in touch like E.T. and Elliott. He became one of my favorite people ever so it was only natural to put him under the bright lights of my interrogation lamp and question him on all his MENZerisms. Meet our newest Dear Menz confidante…Rory of Awesome All Day!

+ What hurts a man’s ego more, faking a laugh or faking an orgasm?

You’re speaking hypothetically right? right?!

I’d be more worried that a girl would confuse the two. Can you imagine the awkwardness of faking a laugh when you were supposed to be fake orgasming? OR VICE VERSA?!

I also think the fake orgasm can be really misleading. Your physical reactions are like the roadmap to your lady gardens. If when my Harry meets your Sally, you fake it convincingly I’m going to try and make you have more fake orgasms in the same way. Do yourself a favor and just be honest about what is working and what isn’t because grrl we wanna get there with you.

+ Can straight guys genuinely just be friends with girls or are they all eventually just trying to hit it?

As the self-appointed representative of straight guys everywhere I’d just  like to make this simple statement:

Attention: All BFFs/Buddies/and girls who see themselves as “one of the guys”

We are all secretly in love with you. We have been since you’ve known us and you totally know it. You make us laugh, you’re there when we need you, and we like that you make our girlfriends/wives/significant others jealous. We may never try to make a touch down in the bone zone but that doesn’t mean it has not crossed our minds. We are your friends but don’t sell yourself short! Who wouldn’t want you?

Best Wishes,
Straight Guys Everywhere

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+ What’s the sexiest thing that a girl can do to turn you on?

Polaroid Camera and love notes.

+ Would you ever dress like a mariachi and serenade a Prince song to a girl that you really liked?

I try to always dress like a charro. I live close to Alcala’s in Chicago which is one of the best western supply stores around. Every time I throw on the black and silver grrls can’t help but wonder about 23 positions in a one night stand.

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“This is gonna b a long night
A little bit longer afternoon
Girl, if we get this thing right
Oh, U gonna get satisfied real soon
Can’t U see eye’m just tryin’ 2 get U satisfied yea”

+ What is something you’ve always wanted to do with a significant other but haven’t had the chance to yet?

Meet and fall in love in Chicago. Seriously.

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+ Tell me a time when you experienced an ultimate boner killer from an internet crush. Was it a lame facebook status update? An alcohol-fueled drunken tweet?

I’m not sure? Can you set your relationship status to “home wrecker” on Facebook? I actually would love to go on a date and have the lucky lady live tweet the whole thing:

Lucky Lady409: Dude doesn’t have a car. This is going to be swell.

Lucky Lady409: Olive Garden really?! Well the breadsticks are pretty good…

Lucky Lady409: Hmm I wonder if he knows he laughs at his own jokes? In a non-endearing way. Off to the movies!

Lucky Lady409: God I love Amy Adams <3

Lucky Lady409: He invited me up to his place. At least he has a place! I assumed “pro-blogger” meant “Lives with parents”

Lucky Lady409: I’ve seen chimpanzees string a needle easier than he is getting my bra off.

+ What kind of creative date would you take a girl on that doesn’t require much money?

Contestant #3 Answers: I love a girl who knows her way around a bicycle. I’d love to pack up some food/beer then ride out to the lake and hang tough like longshoremen. Emphasis on the long.

Contestant #2 Answers: I’d take you on a midday happy-hour bar crawl. We could eat wings and drunk dial your friends to make them hate their crappy office jobs.

Contestant #1 Answers: These other loser contestants think way too small! Lets just move to Thailand and live high on the hog for dollars a day. Who needs America when we’ve got each other?

Awesome All day yellow

+ You have a penchant for writing Missed Connections. Will you fulfill one of my Internet fantasies and write one for ME?

Done and done.

http://www.awesomeallday.com/?p=1899

+ What’s the sexiest 80′s movie makeout scene you would want to recreate?

I have been and always will be in love Meredith Salenger from Dream a Little Dream. I’ve talked about my love hate relationship with both of the Coreys. I’m pretty sure sweet Meredith is where it all started.

+ Any last words of advice?

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?”

“Yessir, the check is in the mail.”

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And with that Jack Burton panty-soaking quote, let’s thank Rory for this penetrating interview!!! You can add more Rory to your life by lurking Awesomeallday.com and his Twitter! And ladies…don’t forget to download the large version of Rory’s centerfold to print out and scotch-tape to your headboard!

P.S. Past Dear Menz can be found here!

February 23, 2010   7 Comments

Black & Blue

Can we talk about how I suddenly have an obsession for black tie-dye? ‘Cause I DEW SON. This $10 tee is so perfect in my life right now.

♥ Black Tie-dye t-shirt and belt from Target, H&M skirt, Forever 21 jacket, Dollhouse heels, rosary, hatchet necklace ♥

I’m extra Asian here. Must be dem lashes and smokey eyeshadow. Here’s an accessory closeup and my new sparkly blue OPI nail polish, which I hadn’t realize was part of that new Alice in Wonderland collection when I bought it…

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HALLOW

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This polish caught my eye because it reminded me of ~the starry sky~. Bad news though… I am OVER IT ALREADY. :( And we can all blame the movie AVATAR!! UGH I know. I hate to even say that word on this blog but this is serious you guys. I am afraid to report Avatar may have ruined my love for cobalt blue. I didn’t realize it until I was listening to some Luda and staring at my nails resting on the steering wheel in traffic and my mind exclaimed, “OH NO GIRL THESE ARE NA’VI NAILS!!” First of all, let’s make things clear. I neither hated the movie or became Avatarded. I thought it was quite sexy actually. I’m just angry that this beautiful blue made me think of it almost automatically! And now I’ve ruined it for you so you’ll think of it anytime you see that blue!! AHHHH this cycle must stop!!! Since I am drinking from a glass half-full, I realized that this nail polish will be nice for future nailz did themes and will be fine “in small doses” to slowly erase the Avatar correlation from my memory. So we will be okay. I hope…

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February 22, 2010   9 Comments

Extreme Ponytails at Jeremy Scott

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The higher the hair, the closer to heaven was never truer at the show for Jeremy Scott’s church-themed Fall 2010 collection. I LOVE THESE HAIRDOS!!! They reminded me that I have been lagging on the personal hair goal I made after writing the slutty Madonna post…a high ponytail with a braided wraparound. I recently acquired a *vintage* Montgomery Ward cone bra so I’m extra ready for some Blonde Ambition. But.. are YOU ready for this hairdew ladies? Can we bring back junior-high ponytails wound so tight it would make anybody look slightly Asian? We can even go crazy like I Dream of Jeannie and add our own little twist to it (NPI-NO PUN INTENDED) COME ON LADEEZ!

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please warren

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I also loved the intense eye makeup. A little Siouxsie-esque, no? Anyway, once you decide if you want to try this new ‘do with me you let me know. I have to warn you though.. I might already be on expert level by then and possessing a blackbelt in a ponytail magic.

WOWERECTION

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GULP.

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If you want to read more about my thoughts on the Jeremy Scott show, please take a lurk at The Lipstick Diaries!

JS photos via Elle.com

February 18, 2010   7 Comments

Dracula Brides of Rodarte

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Does anybody else feel me on this too? It conjures up a particular scene from…

brides of dracula

MONSTER SQUAD!!!!!!

monster squad vamp brides

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Well maybe that’s just me. Hallow. Needless to say that was my favorite part of the Rodarte show. How bout chu?

February 17, 2010   6 Comments

Alexa Chung For Madewell

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Alexa Chung presented the collaboration she did with Madewell the other day at the Bowery Hotel and I have to admit… I am enamored with it! In particular the belbet babydoll dresses ( velvet is pronounced with a b around here) with the Peter Pan collar!! I mean, obviously. HALLOW.. that is my SATANIC SCHOOLGIRL SHIT!!! Can I pair you with some knee socks and sock garters? Let’s just go crazy. Come to me. Thanks Alexa.

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Loving the velvet shorts with tights, blouse and bow brooch Ms. Chung has got going on herself up there. TOO CUTE. And these pinstriped pants below…did anybody wear the Dickies version back in the day? You know I did. With a red Mickey Mouse shirt if my memory serves correctly. I also love the high-collar victorian blouse below. Headmistress wear!!!

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Do I really have to wait for fall?? I’ll be thinking of you ’til then…black belbet if you PLEASE…

Source: Womens Wear Daily

February 16, 2010   7 Comments

Mae West, My Fairy Godmother

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A sharp tongue on a sexy lady is something I undoubtedly admire, and screen legend Mae West embodies those two things and more, which is why she is one of my all-time favorite female icons! I wrote all about her on my guest post for Yes and Yes! Why don’t you come up and see it sometime?

February 15, 2010   2 Comments

Agent Lover Loves You Volume II

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GREETINGS MY BEAUTS!! I hope all of you are filled with love and/or HORN on this special day of Saint Valentine’s! Because of my undying love and affection for you all I decided to make a new Valentine’s mix! This one is mostly sweet with a little bit of dirty…just like YOURS TRULY! Or is that the other way around?

♥Agent Lover Loves You Volume II : The Dainty and Dirty Edition♥

Track Listing:

♥ Connie Vannett – The Pussycat Song ♥
♥ Helen Kane – I Wanna Be Loved By You ♥
♥ The Andrews Sisters – Bei Mir Bistu Shein ♥
♥ Millie Smalls – My Boy Lollipop ♥
♥ Dinah Shore – Buttons and Bows ♥
♥ Faye Richmonde – I Want A Man To Gimme Some Luck ♥
♥ Connie Francis – Stupid Cupid ♥
♥ Doris Day – Secret Love ♥
♥ Lesley Gore – Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows ♥
♥ Candypants – Dishy ♥
♥ Blossom Dearie – Give Him The Ooh-La-La ♥
♥ Faye Richmonde – Tony’s Got Hot Nuts ♥
♥ Connie Francis – Lollipop Lips ♥
♥ Shirley & Lee – The Flirt ♥
♥ (o)(o) ♥

As an added present, I re-uploaded the Valentine’s Mix from last year! Gawd! I’m so generous and loving! Where is the asshole you know and love?

I also daydreamed about presents my fantasy Cupid would bring me besides his boner so I made a pretty little Polyvore set below. I want that two-finger heart ring so bad!

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Agent Lover Valentine’s Day by Agent Lover featuring Vivienne Westwood

P.S. I am in the mood to tweet dirty Valentines today so join me there. Perhaps some limericks and poetry. No haikus though. I hate counting syllables on my fingers. Love you! Happy Valentine’s Day sweetz!

February 14, 2010   6 Comments

Wildfox’s Witches

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The new lookbook for Wildfox’s Fall 2010 collection is really charming! It’s about three “witches” and the photo above reminds me of a picture I have of myself sitting on my daybed reading my fave Young Adult witch series, Abracadabra. I wasn’t dressed any differently than these girls, except in my photo there was one of those giant plastic watches on the wall in the background. Sigh I wish I still had that giant watch. I can probably find it at the cholo mall or the swapmeet if I’m lucky. But it just doesn’t feel the same. Anyway, I’m excited to see how the story ~unfolds~ for these three Wildfox witches. I love anything with BRUJAS.

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And on that note, It’s about time for a new Film Heroine Style Icon series! This time in the theme of the WITCH. That’s right, LUHWEEZE ain’t the only stylish chick with magical powers..Stay tuned, Petunia!

February 12, 2010   3 Comments

Yes and Yes on Dolly Parton

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When the lovely Sarah Von from Yes and Yes asked if I was interested in doing a post swap, I was beyond flattered. I mean, swapping posts is pretty serious. It’s kind of like spitting on your palms and swearing an oath like two kids on a baseball field.  We are basically sisters now, Sarah.  I hope you are okay with that. I admire what Sarah does on Yes and Yes so how can I have said no to her charm? Today she gives us the style lowdown on one of the most vivacious and inspiration women of all time, Dolly Parton!

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Say what you will about her propensity for boobage and big hair, we can all admit that Dolly Parton is a total firecracker and a wicked talented songwriter. And I, for one, could stand to add some boobage and fire-cracking to my wardrobe.

So what lessons can a B-cup like me learn from Ms. Parton? Let’s take a gander at some of her signature looks.

Lesson 1: Work with what you have, fake what you don’t

Well, if you aren’t the cutest thing I have ever seen! Look at that sex kitten hair! And those Cleopatra eyes! And that wee nipped-in waist!

Here Dolly showcases her (at that time) natural assets: a tiny waist and some significant boobage. Does she have saddle bags or bingo wings? We’ll never know, thanks to those coyly sheer sleeves and cut of her skirt. Bravo for working what you’ve got!

I think it’s a fair bet that Dolly wasn’t born with hair that big and blond or eyes that defined. But who among us was? Girlfriend is oft quoted as saying “If you don’t like the road you’re walking on, start paving a new one.” And I’m going to choose to interpret that as “If I don’t like my paltry blond eyelashes, I’m going to glue some new ones on” and “If I’m feeling a bit short, I’m going to rat my hair up a few more inches.”

A modern take on Dolly’s vintage look you say?

Lesson 2: Sexy and casual are not mutually exclusive

I don’t know about you, but my casual looks are usually a deeply sexy combination of sweatpants and cardigans, coupled with a kicky pair of L.L. Bean slippers. Hot, no? But here, The Dollster makes the excellent argument that it is actually possible to rock demin and bandanas in a sexy, sophisticated way.

I think the trick here is a slim fit and pairing these casual offerings with a few bright, sophisticated items – a great pair of earrings, a sweet little pencil skirt and some trendy little bootlets will prevent you from looking like a farm hand.

The chicken cutlets might help as well.

Lesson 3: Don’t be afraid of a little sparkle

Dolly, what are you doing inside of my head?! Get out of there! I love me some sparkle, toooooo! While I don’t think that I can encourage replicating this look verbatim (cough matching eyeshadow to accessories to
dress cough) we can certainly learn from it. Dolly illustrates the importance of dressing to suit your coloring (blond + pink = awesome), she rocks some well-thought out accessories (well, they match at least) and, most importantly, she says “I don’t care what y’all say. I’m going to wear wear 8 pounds of sequins. At 10 a.m. On a Tuesday.”

Or, more famously, she says ” It’s a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I’d be a drag queen.”

If I was to embrace the sequins, it would probably look something like this:

Honestly, I think the best lesson that Dolly has to offer, in style and in life, is how important it is to be true to ourselves.

Particularly if that self is a sequin-loving, big hair-having, boob stick.

Who’s your favorite non-traditional style icon?

- Sarah Von of yesandyes.org

February 8, 2010   13 Comments

Happy 300th Post!

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Can you beweave it? It seemed like only yesterday we were celebrating our 200th blog anniversary with a toast and staring into each other’s blog eyes. I say anniversary because it’s kind of like every post is a sexy rendezvous between us two schweethearts. Every time you read my blog, it’s like we are holding hands. Perhaps even kissing WITH TONGUE on some posts. I’ve probably already “accidentally” given you a chola-style hickey. Maybe we’ll even put our hands in each others jeans pockets and walk down the school hallway sometime. Tricks on you! I don’t wear jeans, only skirts… COCHINO!

Anyway, let’s talk about our feelings. Or how about our future together….(don’t be afraid)

+ AgentLover.com is going to get an extreme makeover! Much like that Frankenstein Heidi, we will be going under a mass transformation. UNDER THE KNIFE! Don’t be scared. I’m sorry I used that scary monster as an example. Forget about her. Let’s go with the makeover from one of my favorite 80′s teen dream movies…She’s Out of Control. Pretend agentlover.com is like Ami Dolenz walking down the stairs in slow-mo,(6:00) with “Venus” by Frankie Avalon playing and you are Tony Danza. It’s gonna be GORG!

+ It’s time for Ask A Gay again! My main bakla Shaun is ready for any questions only a guardian gayngel could answer, so please submit! You can email them to me at marie[at]agentlover.com!

+ If we aren’t friends on Facebook yet, add me! And if you follow me on Twitter, holla at me! Let’s consummate our love EVERYWHERE.

Love 2 Love U! Have a Dirty Shirley tonight and drink to our love!

February 4, 2010   9 Comments