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Last night I got a text from my friend Melissa saying her Target store released Rodarte early so first thing this morning, I called my local store and found out they did as well! I threw on my busted boots, rouged my cheeks and sped on over. Since I am Dress Obsessed, those are the items I focused on and didn’t pay much attention to the skirts and tops. I think the overdose of tulle between those items was too much for me. Anyway, I want to point out that I was pretty impressed by this Rodarte collab overall and can say that this is probably the strongest collection Target has done with a designer in a long time. If you have a giant boner for Rodarte I think you will be VERY pleased. Everything I tried on looked great in person and was made well. In the promo video they mentioned Harold and Maude, Bonnie and Clyde, and Rosemary’s Baby as the inspirations for this collection…but what about Kelly Bundy and Mad Love starring Drew Barrymore in her prime?! Cause that’s what I was feelin’ but that’s probably just me again ’cause you know how I dew…relating everything to the 80’s and 90’s. Yeah right! I am probably just reading into their subconscious…

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First, the tulle/lingerie dress, which comes in black, nude and mustard. The nude-colored one looked hideous with my skin tone making me camouflage into my own flesh like She-Wolf Shakira. When I sent the pic of the nude-colored one to my Headmistress of Satan’s School for Girls aka my Guardian Devil aka my Style Icon of Life for advice, she responded “Lillith Fair.” CASE CLOSED for me but a lot of you cuties can work it right like this girl. Naturally my next step was to enter my comfort zone of goth and go for the black, but it was still not happening for me. However, my mind started to think about the combination of this lingerie and tulle with Doc Martens and thus entered: MAD LOVE. I think we discussed this before. Wearing this, I totally would have lost my v-card to Chris O’ Donnell while listening to Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You.” I would swim across the river to his house and jump right into his teenage arms. He would gently take off my Rodarte for Target lingerie dress strap by strap then make slow, tender love to me. Afterwards he would bring me a glass of Yoo-hoo and “a funny card” with tickets to Letters to Cleo inside. Sigh. I mean that’s what I imagined when I tried on this dress. Do you like my fashion-fanfic/softcore erotica?

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The famous sequined ribcage dress! One thing I should mention is that the sequins are only on the front, which is a letdown. I think two years ago I would have been all over this shit but I am not feeling it personally. I will always love anatomy and medical-style everything but not for this one. Also NO CLEAVAGE!? NO THANK YOU!

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This is a kimono wrap dress that I LOVED. It reminds me of a 70’s drug lord’s wife and I WANTED IT BAD! But that shit tricked me and did not fit right hence no picture of me wearing it. It was all confusing like origami when I tried it and I was straddling the line between having a panic attack and getting turned on during the whole ordeal. If you gals get this please show me a picture of you invoking Penelope Cruz in Blow, all sexy with big sunglasses and a martini, but sans cocaine cause that shit is DISGUST, yaaawn and for losers FYI. (PSA)

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The leopard dress was one of my favorites. KELLY BUNDY ALERT!! GETCHA GETCHA LIPS WET!! It’s lace with three cute bowners up and down the spine. EVERYONE GET THIS! (except me) I can see Desboobs and my own personal Kelly Bundy, Tiffany in it. I can’t wait to see how a lot of people wear this one.

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The sequined snow leopard dress! New Year’s cleavage, is that you?? FINALLY!! The waist was baggy on me though and if I got it I would probably have to wear some kind of belt. I had to think about this one though, because I wouldn’t wear it often, and it’s very “now,” meaning I’m sure F21 has something similar. So I decided against it myself but if you are looking for a sexy NYE dress, your rack will look LOVELY in it!

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Do I even say anything. No thank you on this white pube shrug…flattened Albino afro…shaved a poodle…sheep herder…Balki Bartokomous..I SAY NO. Ple. Don’t do it. No!!

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Aww I loved this baby blue dress. So feminine and pretty. And I rarely wear this color. I had to be strict on myself though! Only one thing (for now…)

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I decided on the lace print dress because I know I would wear it a lot and in different ways. It’s pretty AND versatile! Just like ME! WINK

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This strapless flower print dress was sooo cute! I didn’t try on the black version of it but I think both will be very popular.

I’m bummed the lace tights weren’t in yet!!! I want those so bad! I almost got the tan shirt that has a lace print and a bow pinned underneath the collar but decided against it. Passed on the bow belts too because they wasn’t anything unique about them that I couldn’t find somewhere else.. All in all, a fun collection and I hope this is a sign the collaborations will be better and better! Let me know what you get!