I’m sure by now your 24 hour special event reminder for my birthday has gone off on your alarm clocks, Microsoft Outlook calendars, phones and pagers. Tomorrow is a time of celebration for us all, not only my October 16 birthday compadres such as Angela Lansbury, Oscar Wilde, Nico, Flea and Hobie from Baywatch, …it is also an excuse to pour yourself a STIFF ONE and listen to some sweet slow jamz just knowing that I am forever your ride or die chick.

My birthday is also a time for me to dream of what my future can hold. Even in shopping form. So I compiled a birthday wish list!

ON MY FINGAS BUT NEVER ON MY TOEZ: I like wearing a lot of rings so of course I’m going to want to add to my collection. These are all from Vivienne Westwood, Han Cholo, and Noir. I want more brooches too! In my dream world I’d have this Vivienne Westwood one.

HAND IN GLOVE THE SUN SHINES OUTTA MY BEHIND: Gotta get my glove game on. In NY I spotted these pink and black gloves at Patricia Field which would be perfect for “driving gloves” when I’m ridin’ dirty down the 101. I’d also love any of these Mod Cloth gloves so I can be classy when I feel you up like the grams on Sixteen Candles.

I WANNA VOMIT SEQUINS: I wanna sparkle and shine ’til the end of time. Give me these Betsey Johnson sequined pedal pushers and this crazy coat!

NOTHIN’ AS BOLD AS BOWNERS N’ GOLD: Even though grey is not one of my favorite colors, for some reason I am digging this purse from my #1 favorite Betsey Johnson. I think… WHOMIKIDDING of course it’s the gold touches that catch my eye. That and the bow. Gawd I’m so predictable. ::eyeroll:

PANTYHOSE IN DIFFERENT AREA CODES: I need some new backseam pantyhose to go with some sexy heels I just bought. These American Apparel ones will do!

BOOTS MEANS PU**Y IN ARMENIAN: My favorite gold cowboy bootz are giving up on me you guys. I got them for $10 at this random store in the mall years ago as a “joke”. As I always say…after some time, jokes for me usually “turn real.” So now I want some new gold ones AND of course some red ones. In the meantime, I will run these gold cowboy boots into the ground until the soles start talking and the heel breaks off. I haven’t even gotten lucky in these gold cowboy boots yet! ::raises eyebrows and remembers something m’lord::

POLLY WANNA CRACKER: I am crazy about my Betsey Johnson Pollys! I wanted these gold ones for this past summer but never got them. They are STILL #1 on my list. Patricia Field makes these.

NAUTICAL GIRLS NEED LOVE TOO: Sailor style never gets old for me. I adore this Stop Staring dress!

WEDNESDAY ADDAMS GOT NUTHIN’ ON ME: Since it’s autumn, I am going back to my Satan’s School for Girls ways (not like I ever left) but that means dressing like an amish whore! Love this dress from Mod Cloth.

PANTS ARE FOR SUCKERS (JK I LOVE U): American Apparel makes these really cute high-waist skirts and I want to add more to my collection. I already own black of course.

C’MON KITTY LIGHT MY FIRE: Hello Kitty bedazzled lighter! Need I say more?

ONCE I READ THAT COFFEE DRINKERS ARE BETTER IN THE SACK: I just went the week without coffee. WTF, but sometimes I have to slow my roll. I drank green tea instead, which was nice, HOWEVER, baby girl needs some caffeine! Last night I was so tired my eyes were closed and I was talking nonsense. I’m sorry Shaun. Coffee Bean I love you. I’ll take Starbucks too.

DREAMING OF YOU TONIGHT: I CAN’T BREATHE!! I NEED THIS SELENA BLANKET!!! Winter nights are coming…I’m going to be cold. Only two things can warm my young, nubile, bod up..a sexy menz and this SELENAS BLANKET!!! I’ll take both if you got em. Bidi Bidi

HAVE MERCY ON ME: Lastly…my ultimate b-day wish..for THEE JOHN STAMOS, THEE LADYBONER OF MY LIFE TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ON TWITTER. Of course I’d love for him to sing to me wearing Clark Kent glasses and holding a Grey Goose and tonic…but I’ll take a TWITTER SHOUTOUT. Someone make my dreams come true. Just this once.