Did any of you watch The Girl Who Cries Blood (BLUUUUUD), a documentary on National Geo about a girl who supposedly bleeds from her eyes and other parts of her body without any source of a wound? IS IT HAEMOLACRIA? MUNCHAUSEN? STIGMATA??? Let’s talk about this! First of all her raver name is Twinkle. Secondly, apparently they would only catch the bleeding once it had already started, and discussed observing her for a full 24 hours… but never did! Um, maybe Lil Twinkles is smearing her maxipad all over her face when nobody’s looking?? Now you all know I like weird shit like this especially growing up Cathol and all, but ple don’t do some super exclusive special without digging deep and covering all the bases. ANNOY! HAYCHU. I hate a pussy tease!

That same night while I was getting drunk in upstate NY, most of you were watching The MTV Video Music Awards instead of tuning into dear Twinkle. So let’s talk about who is more of an attention whore: Twinkle or Lady Gaga?

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Basically when Lady Gagz heard Twinkie had some sick ass party trick where she could bleed from her eyes, Lady Gagz was like Oh Hale to the N, this bitch ain’t about to one up me! So she stuck her leg up on that piano (which reminded me of certain person who used to drive that way while driving AND simultaneously taking a bong hit in the early 2000’s – ESCOOS ME, THE SHAUN ) and smeared fake blood on her bod until she looked like a day-old Tampax Pearl. You know, I have always had conflicting feelings about Lady Gaga. I love slash hate her. I like how she “gives us something to talk about” and “is never wearing something boring” however, I don’t like it when people have to keep reminding me that “they are unique” but “take themselves seriously” even though they write lyrics about disco sticks and paper gangstas, but then I started thinking maybe this is just “part of her act” and the “joke’s on me”  which fucks with my mind and causes me to drink even more, which then results in me wanting to engage in deep philosophical discussion about Lady Gaga and her purpose on this planet.

One purpose was to provide the soundtrack jamz to our New York trip because yes, those ridiculous tunes are FUN to sing. Her music seems to mark important highlights of our lives. Did I ever tell you about the time a certain somebody was getting down at a club to “Just Dance” in the early 2009’s and was rubbing their crawtch so passionately I swear it was a magic lamp and a genie was about to pop out in a cloud of smoke?? THREE WISHES BOSS. I thought it was some sort of lesbian mating call and didn’t think anything of it. (Woops! I already did. SEE how she infiltrates our lives?!) Anyway, the other purpose of her existence is for me to think about her outfits and where I would wear them. For instance, I’d wear this on our date to Sunday Mass, where we will makeout in the confessional. Frenchin’ through the lace! I LOVE THIS SHIT.

i love red lace

I am quite fond of red lace. It’s very old Italian putana. It makes me want to get out some leggings I have that my exboyf called “80’s porn tights” and also my “Vanity 6 gloves” YES!

I also like this birdnest beard. I would wear that in the Jack in the Box drive through. Four 99 cent tacos plz! BLOL @ Beyonce’s fake smile.

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I hope she wears this next! I found this pic in my photobucket of 2004. Wtf is it? I always thought it was a comfortable SOMF mask. Let me know?

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Your around the way girl,