There Will Be Bluuuud

Did any of you watch The Girl Who Cries Blood (BLUUUUUD), a documentary on National Geo about a girl who supposedly bleeds from her eyes and other parts of her body without any source of a wound? IS IT HAEMOLACRIA? MUNCHAUSEN? STIGMATA??? Let’s talk about this! First of all her raver name is Twinkle. Secondly, apparently they would only catch the bleeding once it had already started, and discussed observing her for a full 24 hours… but never did! Um, maybe Lil Twinkles is smearing her maxipad all over her face when nobody’s looking?? Now you all know I like weird shit like this especially growing up Cathol and all, but ple don’t do some super exclusive special without digging deep and covering all the bases. ANNOY! HAYCHU. I hate a pussy tease!

That same night while I was getting drunk in upstate NY, most of you were watching The MTV Video Music Awards instead of tuning into dear Twinkle. So let’s talk about who is more of an attention whore: Twinkle or Lady Gaga?

bludbetches

Basically when Lady Gagz heard Twinkie had some sick ass party trick where she could bleed from her eyes, Lady Gagz was like Oh Hale to the N, this bitch ain’t about to one up me! So she stuck her leg up on that piano (which reminded me of certain person who used to drive that way while driving AND simultaneously taking a bong hit in the early 2000′s – ESCOOS ME, THE SHAUN ) and smeared fake blood on her bod until she looked like a day-old Tampax Pearl. You know, I have always had conflicting feelings about Lady Gaga. I love slash hate her. I like how she “gives us something to talk about” and “is never wearing something boring” however, I don’t like it when people have to keep reminding me that “they are unique” but “take themselves seriously” even though they write lyrics about disco sticks and paper gangstas, but then I started thinking maybe this is just “part of her act” and the “joke’s on me”  which fucks with my mind and causes me to drink even more, which then results in me wanting to engage in deep philosophical discussion about Lady Gaga and her purpose on this planet.

One purpose was to provide the soundtrack jamz to our New York trip because yes, those ridiculous tunes are FUN to sing. Her music seems to mark important highlights of our lives. Did I ever tell you about the time a certain somebody was getting down at a club to “Just Dance” in the early 2009′s and was rubbing their crawtch so passionately I swear it was a magic lamp and a genie was about to pop out in a cloud of smoke?? THREE WISHES BOSS. I thought it was some sort of lesbian mating call and didn’t think anything of it. (Woops! I already did. SEE how she infiltrates our lives?!) Anyway, the other purpose of her existence is for me to think about her outfits and where I would wear them. For instance, I’d wear this on our date to Sunday Mass, where we will makeout in the confessional. Frenchin’ through the lace! I LOVE THIS SHIT.

i love red lace

I am quite fond of red lace. It’s very old Italian putana. It makes me want to get out some leggings I have that my exboyf called “80′s porn tights” and also my “Vanity 6 gloves” YES!

I also like this birdnest beard. I would wear that in the Jack in the Box drive through. Four 99 cent tacos plz! BLOL @ Beyonce’s fake smile.

lolbeyonce

I hope she wears this next! I found this pic in my photobucket of 2004. Wtf is it? I always thought it was a comfortable SOMF mask. Let me know?

somfmask

Your around the way girl,

18 comments

1 Hena { 09.22.09 at 6:17 pm }

YES

2 Mary { 09.22.09 at 6:43 pm }

Awesome! I too have a weird adoration for Lady Gaga. I think she’s smarter than she gets credit for. I mean, she’s probably also a little off her rocker, but I can respect that.

3 Hena { 09.22.09 at 7:49 pm }

GAGA IS MY ROLE MODEL YOU KNOW THAT I cannot WAIT until Heart Beats comes out so I can pretend I’m her!!!!!!!!

http://www.beatsbydre.com/products/Products.aspx?pid=5596

4 Mickay { 09.22.09 at 7:58 pm }

FU BETCH this killed me a little and i am pretty sure the potential UGGGGS lezbo next to me thinks i am a freak who is simultaneously studying and laffing to herself. one day that goddam genie crotch rubbing magic lamp dance will yield some good results. can’t say when…but it is too good of a move not to. i love you.

5 marie { 09.22.09 at 8:08 pm }

@Mary – she is smart. But is she REALLY that “weird”? I think she is marketable weird. True weird is quieter.

@Hena – LAWL!!! I hope you get pink.

@Mickay – SAWRE MICKS! This is one of the most fucked up blogs I’ve written. Let’s blame the Nyquil! THREE WISHES BOSS….

6 mary { 09.22.09 at 8:39 pm }

I love that you taught me what SOMF means. That picture cracks me up.

7 marie { 09.22.09 at 9:10 pm }

@mary – how would you feel about me if I told you I have a brown leather belt embossed with SOMF on it that I got at the county fair? Cause I do.

8 mary { 09.22.09 at 9:54 pm }

You rock my world. That’s hilar.

9 IT'S KIMOWRA BETCH { 09.23.09 at 12:47 am }

DIS DA MUTHA OF ALL BLAWGS IN DIS BETCH!!!
from shaun to da magic lamp to putana italiana IM FINISHED!
TEARZLOLZTEARSLOLZ! da hale rie! shit came outta nowhur!

i teyl you WUT tho, if she was smart she’d ONLY rock dat shit to Jack en la Caja cuz THAT is the only thang that could make this clownola avant guard. PEERYUD. trust bb, she is NOT tha biz in ’09! gimmie dat OG real deal holyfield CRAY CRAY! grace jones! isabella blow! nina hagen! anna piaggi! dale bozzio! wendy o williams! leigh bowery!

she done her homewerk fosho but i am sawry, imitation is NOT the highest form of flattery. go ‘head Gaga, be inspired, but ple stop playin ho! and the public MOS DEF needs to stop trippin.

GO TO SLEEP.

10 IT'S KIMOWRA BETCH { 09.23.09 at 12:51 am }

oh and shout out to Beyawns for givin her coochie the one hand cover up. ICU!

11 Shaun { 09.23.09 at 12:12 pm }

This blog is VERY entertaining! Good show, Marie!

12 Things I Love Thursday | dramatis personae { 09.24.09 at 2:02 am }

[...] like to wax philosophical about Lady Gaga; Agent Lover gets drunks & waxes poetic, and say things like “I am quite fond of red lace. It very old Italian putana” when [...]

13 Brittney { 09.24.09 at 7:22 am }

I saw The Girl Who Cries blood, I thought it was a bit of a downer also.
It was like, “We think she cries blood,” which turned into, “We’re not sure if she cries blood,” into, “We think her her mom are lying,” and then they quickly apologized about that and then said they would watch her for 24 hours de end. WTF? Waste of an hour.

Then following that was the world’s smallest girl who was about 20 inches tall. She was a spoiled rich girl from India who’s parents wouldn’t let her do anything because she was super small and fragile. Both of her legs were broken and wouldn’t heal. When the doctor suggested surgery they said no because it would cause her too much pain…so they would rather have their daughter cripple. Lame.

14 Tiffany { 09.24.09 at 11:34 am }

I play a lifelong drinking game of having a shot every time I hear her talking about Warhol. I am now an ALKIE.

15 Ashe Mischief { 09.24.09 at 3:26 pm }

Sometimes I have no words for how much I love you, esp. when you talk Gaga talk.

16 Brandy { 09.26.09 at 12:50 am }

I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO annoyed, I watched that whole documentary and they basically just shrugged and said “Well I dunno!!!! SHE MIGHT BE MAKING IT UP!”

…..WHY DID THEY BOTHER?

That’s all I have to contribute to this meeting.

17 westcoastoverdose { 09.30.09 at 7:18 am }

i love how young beezy is covering her pussy so her chonies dont show.

18 Things I Love Thursday — Dramatis Personae { 01.06.14 at 9:13 am }

[…] like to wax philosophical about Lady Gaga; Agent Lover gets drunks & waxes poetic, and say things like “I am quite fond of red lace. It very old Italian putana” when […]

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