So let’s talk about my “beginning of summer goals.” I wanted to spend the summer dripping in gold jewels, baking underneath the nuclear uv Ray J’s, listening to the sweet sounds of Sean Kingston… until I was Alek Wek status..BEAUTIFUL.

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Well now August is coming to an end and here I am…

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(wearing a blue gingham dress hand me down from this)

With stems only SLIGHTLY more caramel, mocha arms (GAWD) pale breasts (FAWWK) and a strange tan line on just my left foot which makes the rest of my hoof look dirty. Sigh. SIGH AT THIS SHAKESPEAREAN LIFE I AM LIVING!!! Anyway, we still got a little time left no? Perhaps the clouds will break free and a giant fireball will come and turn me DARK AS NIGHT!! Just kidding you guys. I hate being Patchwork Man!! (BTW, does anyone remember a weird movie from the 70’s or 80’s about a man whose skin was stitched together from different shades of other people’s skin in an insane effort by scientists to “stop racism” ??? I have been inquiring about this weird movie I saw on KTLA as a child and NOBODY I have ever met, even those extremely educated in all types of film (snobs) have no idea what I am talking about!? UGH I AM SO ALONE IN THIS CRUEL WORLD!!)

Anyway on to more pictures of summertime BBQ’s. We originally wanted to spend the day making guacamole and veggie kabobs wearing only our underpanties and aprons a la Renee Zellweger in Empire Records but we were stu and forgot all about that plan. Back in the day (see: two years ago) we would spend our wild summer nights in aprons and spanking each other with spatulas and other kitchen utensils. Would not the summer of 2009 be a grand time for such a resurgence? I even wanted to make brownies and listen to Gwar. Well, there’s always this weekend.

BFFS

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I also went to the fair for a couple of hours..and a couple of beers..

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Love Mikks wild carnival ride hairdo

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As you can see this betch will not go on carnival rides and just waved like a father watching her children from below

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FIREWORKS NERD

lol nerd

How’s your summer been? Anyone tan and glorious? If so, F U

Don’t do this: