Posts from — June 2009

Here in So Cal we are experiencing an intense case of June Gloom (GROSS!) but hopefully upon download of this Freestyle mix I have made, we will be able to banish these grey skies to kingdom come with our collective of blasting boomboxes. Freestyle music reminds me of a 1987 summer, and the scent of hairspray while my babysitter got ready for a date. It is now also going to remind us of the SUMMER OF 2009. This might not be everybody’s steez but for those who feel me on this, YOU ARE WELCOME.

Freestyle Summer Megamix

Earth Girls Are Easy was and is still one of my favorite movies. It also just claimed the title of being my favorite movie to have screencapped ever! Each scene is an explosion of loud, 80′s color. I just want to jump in the screen like Mary Poppins and get my nails did!

Valley girl manicurist Valerie, played by my favorite actress slash professional archer Geena Davis, discovers her doctor boyfriend cheating on her, but finds romance in her own backyard when an alien spaceship crashes into her swimming pool. Out come three extraterrestrial hunks played by Damon Wayans, Jim Carrey and my ultimate childhood crush (before Fred Savage and Mikey from The Goonies): Jeff Goldblum (THE FLY!!!!!)

They are completely covered in crayon-colored fur, but are still FINE AS FUCK, especially JG right here! Why am I so turned on?? Am I alone? (crickets..)

Geena Davis with her top ramen hairdo.

One of the best scenes is at the beauty salon, where Valerie’s BFF and sidekick Candy, played by the amazing Julie Brown (not the Downtown) helps Valerie sexify her look. Julie Brown is so awesome in this. Where are you Julie?

This is probably one of the first movies to pioneer the cinematic tradition and insta-gem that is a really good MAKEOVER MONTAGE SCENE. Synchronized dance and song are even better.

Candy also gives the alien hunks a good shave so they can pass as human. Wish I had that job. WUT

There are so many good details in the props and costume department for this movie. The phones! Quintessential 80′s lip phone, duck phone and even a GIANT phone for yours truly.

Give me these tights and shoes! Are those heart shoelace clips? Can we bring those back? I remember I used to have Minnie Mouse ones that attached to my L.A. Gears.

Gimme that heart bag Geena!

Another great scene is the appearance of Angelyne and her famous pink corvette. If you live in Southern California chances are you have seen her driving around.

And now…FASHION! This time I did a set focusing on monochromatic outfits inspired by each of the alien hunks. I love head-to-toe crazy color. With a ‘lil pizazz you can be a walking Crayola as well! Werk it gurl.

Zeebo:

Earth Girls Are Easy Zeebo Set by Agent Lover featuring Juicy Couture

Wiploc:

Earth Girls are Easy Wiploc Set by Agent Lover featuring Melissa shoes

Mac:

Earth Girls are Easy MAC set by Agent Lover featuring Miss Selfridge

Photo by Rick Mendoza

HEY LADIES!!! (deep voice) Summertime is just around the corner, can you feel the heat coming? I can. So it’s about that time we ask one of our Dear Menz to help us get a handle on all the hotties heading our way.

Jason Savvy is a moustachioed man of many hats. Not only is he an accordionist for LA’s own avant-garde 24-piece gypsy jazz band, Killsonic, a talented DJ, and a creator of international dance party night, Malabomba!, but he’s also a taco aficionado and the person to blame for my escalated taco obsession. Jason started the taco tally last year and I was the lucky cochina puta to present his 69th taco. (He’s on taco #92 for this year in case you are wondering.) The ladyboner-inducing Jack Kerouac quote posted on his myspace (“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars…” ) is the cherry on top because really, anybody who lives by a quote like that is a hottie boom-bawty bawty. Today Mr. Savvy offers us ladies some insight into the mad, mad world of our opposite sex…

What is something a woman can wear that makes her irresistible to you?

Apparently, based on my track record, a straightjacket.

Have you ever encountered a bad kisser? How do you deal with it if you like the person, but they are a bad maker-outer?

I have been lucky. I have never really encountered bad kissing, perhaps just average to mediocre lip-mashings. The way I deal with it is to remember, “Hey, this may not be the best make out sesh ever, but at least I am making out.” Before growing this moustache, I was an ace maker-outer, but then I decided to sacrifice comfort for style. This presented me with a conundrum. That is, the handlebar attracts significantly more attention from the ladies, but is also scratchy and coarse on their delicate faces once I have tricked them into making out with me using my dubious charms. I don’t even want to talk about how the handlebar curl is prone to trespassing into the nostril of the girl I’m kissing because that is just gross and embarrassing for everyone. Come to think of it, I hope to the sweet baby Jesus that no one has a bad kisser story about me because of this unfortunate tendency.

Photo by Jeff Savolainen

What is something you’ve always wanted to do with a significant other but haven’t had the chance to yet?

Ha. Stay together.

Three people you would want to play a good old-fashioned game of Spin the Bottle with?

1. Lenora Claire. I’m putting her on blast in a public forum now because I always do this when I see or speak to her anyhow. I just like to make her face turn red; what can I say? So yeah. I know this is almost too easy a choice – I mean, just look at her. But, I will go on record and state that I found her 1000 times more attractive once we had a few conversations. She is a dish and a catch through and through. Finally, a major part of the reason I choose her is that the hypothetical fantasy land you suggest would likely be the only place we could ever make out or spend Seven Minutes in Heaven anyhow since she’s practically my sister now. Ew. Thanks, Marie.

2. Annie Sprinkle. When I was a virgin, I considered proposing to her that I offer her up my virginity. I didn’t want it anymore, and I figured who else deserved it more than she? She is a sex-positive heroine goddess extraordinaire and I reckoned it would be a fair trade given that I was a young and repressed tangle of frazzled virgin nerves. Now that those days are long past, I still think she is a good choice because I wouldn’t scare her off with my cochino ways.

3. You. Yeah, you, the girl reading this. Whoever you are, wherever you are. Let’s play spin the bottle. And when it’s over, you’re going to pass out from blissful exhaustion. Then, I’m going to put your underpants in the freezer and your hands in warm water while you’re sleeping. Don’t test me, I might TP your house. Not kidding – I’ll fucking do it.

Photo by Austin Young

Since you’re a DJ I have to ask you, what is on your Makeout Mix?

Just a few choice cuts from the vaults:
Lush – Last Night (Darkest Hour Mix)
David Lynch – Ghost of Love
Tricky – Overcome
Cure – New Day
Bjork – Pagan Poetry
April Stevens – Teach Me, Tiger
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Killing the Light
Autolux – Turnstyle Blues
Catherine Wheel – Black Metallic
DJ Shadow – Dark Days
Motorhead – Ace of Spades
Magnetic Fields – Let’s Pretend We’re Bunny Rabbits

I have also received reliable, peer-reviewed feedback from some field subjects that the monkeywrench sound labs winter mix tape I made is good for make-outs and consequent romantic gropings in the dark. (PS – you can download it here – just right click and ‘save as’)

Please give us your Top 3 Savvy dating tips.

Okay, just the tips…

Basic. Most important number one: Dinner and a movie is over. Who even goes on this kind of date? Go with your date somewhere that requires hopping a fence, trespassing, talking your way out of an arrest, or a scavenger hunt – it’s so much more fun. Or else picnic somewhere 10 stories up and go to a guerrilla drive-in later if you gotta eat and watch a film together. You see, in unique sets of circumstances I believe we are much more likely to experience and observe who we really are than in some mundane by-the-numbers interaction we’ve seen a million times in lame movies. (Unless you want your life to be like a lame movie, in which case you get what you deserve).

Intermediate. When you really like someone, make him/her a mix tape. I know, everyone burns CDs these days, but even burned CDs I make for friends I will call “mix tapes” until the day I die. Deal with it. Anyways, yes. A mix tape. Take your time with it. Carefully consider the narrative and emotional arc of the song choices and playlist order. Make art or drawings or a collage for the case. It should be a total statement. That is, personalize it as much as possible. This is a time-honored gesture that will leave a lasting impression and provide the listener with an artifact revealing a moment of emotional perfection that s/he can revisit in perpetuity. Though ultimately, this artifact will become indispensably important for you both to refer back to when things have gone horribly awry. Or maybe you get lucky and play it at your wedding.

Advanced. Be open to and aware of the vast spectrum of possibilities at hand when it comes to forming an attraction. I think it is too easy for most to view their habits, past, and patterns as archetypical of the only type of person they are into or their ideal romantic situation. I don’t think life, and especially not love, works that way. In short, I too often see people overlook potential partners or situations that don’t fit into a specific pre-defined category, history, or expectation. Love doesn’t give a damn who you tend to be attaracted to (i.e. your “type”), or what kind of relationship you are looking for. Love is as arbitrary as it is specific. It can proliferate over time, it can strike at random, it is capable of anything. Love is chaotic – it laughs at our plans and our schemes. Sometimes we luck out and it fits like a missing puzzle piece, and sometimes we are presented an opportunity that challenges us and the paradigms under which we lead our lives. In love, all things are possible. There are as many ways to love as there have been people on Earth since time began. We have a lot of options and a lot to learn, so open up…

Photo by Leora Saul

And lastly, can straight guys genuinely just be friends with girls or are they trying to get into their panties eventually?

I think sexual tension is impossible to avoid – it’s just up to whomever is involved to decide how to manage it, ultimately. Notwithstanding, personal dynamics and chemistry also can shift, so it is also important to maintain awareness and flexibility lest two friends miss a mutually rewarding opportunity to date. My life experience has shown that the traditional hetero paradigm that “guys only want one thing” has been turned on its freakin’ ear anyway. That is, I have come to find that almost everyone is constantly trying to get in everyone else’s pants anyhow, so what’s the point in pretending it’s one-way? Girls and boys both are all just raging, sexually aggressive hormone bombs 95% of the time. I should state, for the record, that I am in full support of this trend. But, I also support maturity and healthy boundaries, so I personally tend to err on the side of prudence and restraint in my friendships with girls. In short, yes they can just be friends. At least I can. Then again, most straight guys would not want me as their spokesperson. That said, I also believe in breaking my own rules as much as I believe in following them.

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You can find him spinning sexy tunes every 1st and 3rd Thursday of each month at Club Malabomba at the Bordello in downtown LA!

Related Posts:

+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Michael Ian Black
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Donny Vomit
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Chase Lisbon
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Futurecop!

It was my beautiful best friend Reyna’s birthday this weekend!

I made her this cupcake hat. Careful not to burn the weave gurl.

And cupcakes (these ones edible) with her favorite crushes…Carlos D & Michael Cera. In the back is RICHIE and Selenas.

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LOL betches always need props

Thanks Gala for posting about asianposes.com ! We done dew tha damn thang

I DIE, RESURRECT, DIE AGAIN -*DRDA STATUS THANK U. This Hello Kitty HOUSE OF MY DREAMS is actually a townhouse hotel in Hsinchu, Taiwan!

Years ago I heard about the Hello Kitty S&M love hotel in Japan which is apparently now closed. Nooo! Luckily, there are now other Hello Kitty-themed hotels where you (and I) can feed our fetish for the mouthless kitty with the big red bow (but you’ll have to bring your own bondage.) Aside from the townhouse, there is a hotel in Taiwan that features a Hello Kitty suite. And in Taipei, a restaurant called Hello Kitty Sweets serves desserts and other food. It’s obvious where I want to go on vacation. LET DEW DIS.

Thank you to my boo HENA who KNOWS. Townhouse Pics via joanneteh_32.

Related Posts:

+ Hello Kitty for M.A.C.

+ The Pink Palace

+ Hello Kitty & M.A.C. Pictures

+ Hello Kitty is a Drug Pusher

I forgot to post these pics taken a couple weekends ago when Kimowra and I went to Santee Alley aka SanSARS Alley in downtown LA because everybody gets sick after they go there…including ME! UGH! And I even wore a mask! MAWR!

I think it’s time we ask ourselves: Are $1 doorknockers really worth having to take a trip to SanSARS? On the real, I blame my Vampirian, not-sleeping way of life for wearing myself out.  But on second thought, these $5 red-framed nerd glasses I purchased there might have been worth my nasally The Nanny voice. I love them! They remind me of Becca from Life Goes On. My godsister actually got Becca’s glasses when we were kids and I was secretly jealous since that was before my vision turned to shit.

If you want to get all ‘Kellie Martin status’ like me, you’re in luck! You can get them from Fred Flare, without having to Wacko Jacko it up in SanSARS!

Outfit deetz:

• Red glasses – Santee Alley
• Dress – Forever 21
• Nude Fishnets – Beverly Hills Hosiery
• My favorite beat up gold bootz!
• Gold stax
• assorted rings – Fairfax Flea, Charlotte Russe, Santee Alley

Remember that Lifetime Original Movie where Kellie Martin played that evil nerd who killed popular cheerleader Tori Spelling and wore her letterman’s jacket!! What a crazy bitch! I Googled it and found myself already talking about it last year. Sheesh. Just added it to my Amazon Wish List. Obviously SOMEBODY wants to relive those Lifetime memories. Best DVD cover ever. I am going to recreate this ASAP!! Who wants to be smug Tori Spelling?? Let me know!

HAYYY! Can you guess what movies the glamorous nails below are from? Whomever gets the most answers correct will win my favorite nail polish, one Strap Perfect (LOL but seriously why did I need like thirty of them? Don’t I need just one? It’s like trick or treat up in here– giving ‘em out like candy!), and one of my tacky corsages. Leave your answers in the comments! Hints: 1) some could be from the same movie, 2) movies I’ve talked about on here, 3) movies that I will talk about on here.

at about 1:15 BOO-YOW!!! (one of the best scenes ever that I impersonate for the past ten years of my life now)

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Here I am!! I’ve been sick with a cold that I probably caught from a pair of doorknocker earrings. When I’m sick all I want to do is watch Real Housewives and not think about doing anything except sleeping and eating. Like a cat.  Anyway, I’m back with a quickie showcasing my latest Photoshop lesson.

Since we are all going crazy over the New Moon trailer I decided to give Jacob a ‘lil boost of testosterone. You’d think they’d make him more hairy in the film since he is supposed to be a werewolf, but then again, teenage girls like hairless chests. When I was young, I used to say I liked my men like my cats: skinny and hairless. Now I am not so choosy. I’ll take ‘EM ALL!