Dear Menz With Special Guest Boner Party

Dear Menz With Boner Party

Our newest confidante for Dear Menz is Ned Hepburn from Boner Party. As all of you may know, I am a huge fan of boners (literally and lingually) so when I first heard of this blog I stiffened up (BLOL) and pointed towards it like those hunting dogs in cartoons. Instead of sweatpants erections, all I found was a bunch of sexy ladies so I thought it was just another dirty old trick. Why I oughta. But I stayed awhile and laffed. Then I LOL’d, which segued into a LOLWTF a couple of times until I amen’d and praised the lo’ JEJUS. Because Ned Hepburn is one funny mutha. And in that ‘oh shit- what he says is pretty witty and hilar with a side of e-swagger’- kind of way. Cause’ there’s nothing that beats my favorite kind of humor: Clever AND Cochino. That shit don’t come a dime-a-dozen boo! On top of all that, Ned loves tacos! Let’s read what this gent has to tell us in all matters of love and boners.

What happens during a boner party exactly? Does everyone get to come?

There’s a George Carlin line, “I’ve never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2′s”, which I always thought was hilarious. My stock answer is that a boner party is a celebration. It’s invite only. You don’t want randos showing up. Keep it real, keep it simple. Christ, that sounds like bumper sticker philosophy. “My other blog is a WordPress”.

Give me that one Missed Connections Craigslist ad you wish you had posted.

“Dear Natalie Portman…”

Is it true that men love crazy bitches?

They’re just so much more entertaining than your average Sex And The City “nice girl”. That’s why I love reading Megan Fox interviews because she clearly doesn’t give a fuck what you think, and I think that, at its crux, is what GOOD crazy is all about. BAD crazy involves crying and eating at the same time and nobody wants to see that. Have you ever seen that? I saw a dude at Subway cry one time and he was making my sandwich. That was really awkward.

Are you a boobs or booty man?

Guys that are into cats are more boobs people from what I’ve found; Guys who are into butts are more dog people, and I’m a dog person.

Something that women do that is an automatic boner killer?

Women who inherently go out dancing all the time I find kind of scary. It’s like wanting to be a gazelle on the African plains – I can see WHY you’d want to go dancing but it’s all about ‘show’ and people that are all about ‘show’ nerve the living hell out of me. I don’t understand nightclubs, they scare the shit out of me. Which is weird, because I used to work in them on and off for like 4 whole years.

Is there a way one can resurrect The Boner?

Bruce Springsteen’s “Born To Run” or “Thunder Road”. That usually puts the party back on track.

What do you think of half-Filipino girls with bangs?

They’re rad! I have a friend in Chicago like that. We used to get tacos every week and talk about shit. She was really cool.

Please describe your perfect makeout session scenario.

Remember the scene in Risky Business where Rebecca DeMornay and Tom Cruise make out on the train? Something like that. Basically as long as it’s soundtracked by Phil Collins.

Who is in your dream threesome?

A wise man never tells such things.

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For more please visit Boner Party, Ned’s Tumblr and Twitter!

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+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Michael Ian Black
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Jason Savvy
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Donny Vomit
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Chase Lisbon
+ Dear Menz With Special Guest Futurecop!

5 comments

1 Jesse { 06.23.09 at 2:03 pm }

Hahaahahah. So good. Definitely one of my faves. But what of the feminist backlash controversey?

Also, I’m a leg man. Do I like birds?

2 kater { 06.23.09 at 5:32 pm }

Great! After reading Bonerparty for a few weeks, I’m mildly convinced that Ned and my boyfriend were the same person in a past life, or secret parallel universe bffs. It’s kind of creepy.

3 josh { 06.24.09 at 9:28 am }

I am going to say this in my meeting today:

“It’s like wanting to be a gazelle on the African plains.”

And everyone will agree with me.

Great interview!!!

4 Sam { 06.24.09 at 3:36 pm }

OMG
I’ve had a crazy ass crush on whoever that adorable mutha fucka was writing Boner Party for like… ever.
And now, I thank you Agent Lover for interviewing the amazing Ned Hepburn and launching my mild crush into super stalker-itis.
Thank you.

5 bryna { 06.26.09 at 8:29 am }

hilarious, this is great!

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